DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting up in age. While she is managing OK, I worry that my children don’t spend enough time with her. We live several hours away, and what with sports and school and such, we see her only a few times a year. I try to get them to call her, but their lives are busy and filled with other priorities. I really want them to make time to connect with her. I got her a cellphone, and I FaceTime her weekly. I want them to join in. How can I get them to do it? -- Connect to Grandma, Richmond, Virginia

DEAR CONNECT TO GRANDMA: Add the call to Grandma to your weekly schedule. Make sure your children know what time it will be. If you schedule it around a meal that everyone attends, it will be easiest. Encourage your children to share tidbits about their lives with her, things that she can share with her friends. Grandparents love to have bragging rights. If you make the call part of the weekly fabric of your lives, it will be easier for your children to participate without feeling like it’s a burden on them. Later, they will appreciate the time spent with your mother.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom is super Afrocentric, and I am not. She put me in private schools for many years, and I was exposed to different styles. It’s not that I don’t understand or appreciate black culture; I do. But I don’t want to wear dashikis and turbans. I can be conscious of my heritage without all of that.

When "Black Panther" came out, it got my mom revved up again to wear all of her Afrocentric garb. How can I get her to see that I can respect her ideas and be proud of my heritage without dressing the part? -- No Dashikis for Me, Dallas

DEAR NO DASHIKIS FOR ME: Tell her exactly what you told me. Your mother has her own style, which is great. Yours sounds different from hers. That’s okay. Agree to be different.

Culturally, your mother wants you to know and respect your history. Through your conversation with her, make it clear that you are paying attention to what’s going on in the world and how you fit into it. Make sure that you do continue to cultivate knowledge about your cultural heritage. What you wear is not nearly as important as what you know because it will shape your future.

There is an African symbol called "sankofa," which features a bird with its feet facing forward and its head turned backward. The notion is that you must learn about your past before you can walk into your future. As long as you understand and respect that, it doesn’t matter what you wear.

You are right, though, that with the advent of the film "Black Panther," a new Afrocentric wave covered our nation. People once again felt proud to wear African garments and symbols. There is something nice about that cultural embrace -- whether you choose to do it or not.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was just invited to join the community board in my town, which is wonderful. The only thing is that I am totally not available. I work two jobs, and I have a young child and a husband who works intermittently. We have a good rhythm in our home, but I’m afraid that adding anything more will upset our equilibrium.

When I told the person who invited me that I didn’t think I could do it, he acted disappointed. I really do appreciate the organization’s faith in me, but I can’t give in to the pressure. I really cannot do this job right now. How can I say no to them and still have good standing in the neighborhood? -- No Can Do, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR NO CAN DO: Honesty is all you have. Sincerely thank the members of the organization for thinking of you and believing that you would be a great fit for the board. Tell them that you will consider the role in the future, but as disappointed as you both are, you know that you do not have the time right now. Offer to participate intermittently in community activities, to help get the word out when there are important announcements, etc. Assure them that you will do what you can, but be firm that what you cannot do is be a formal board member at this time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love music, and so do my kids. The thing is, we don’t love the same things.

When I’m grooving to '90s tunes or '80s R&B, they cringe and tell me I’m old. I want them to know all music, to be exposed to everything -- including the rap that they seem to love right now. How can I get them to be open to all genres of music? I exposed them to it when they were kids, but today they are impatient and don’t want to hear anything I play. -- Name That Tune, Minneapolis

DEAR NAME THAT TUNE: Go back to making music fun in your household. Think of games that will bring all music to life. Take turns playing each other’s music and truly listen to it. You can guess who’s singing or rapping one of their favorites and have them do the same for one of your oldies but goodies. Point out that music is wonderful in part because there are so many different genres and artists. If you act truly interested in whatever your children are playing, this may spark their willingness to listen to your music, too.

My daughter taught us many of the latest pop and rap artists because we let her play “her station” in the car for part of the time when we go on road trips. That my husband and I can easily identify Drake or The Weeknd gives us some music cred. Then she may be willing to acknowledge that she recognizes Stevie Wonder or Luther Vandross.

Remember, though, that children can be self-absorbed at times. Drawing them out to enjoy your choices may be a challenge -- to say the least. Later in life, people tend to remember the music that their parents played, even if they didn’t consciously act like it at the time.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter is in college and needs to declare a major. She is torn between several interests. When I reminded her of the things that she has shown interest in over the years, she got testy with me and didn’t want to listen.

It seems like she wants my input, but she instantly rejects it when I make a suggestion. I get that she is frustrated because she is uncertain, but I can’t help her if all she does is get an attitude and tell me what I recommend is out of the question. How can I help her? -- Child on the Fence, Boston

DEAR CHILD ON THE FENCE: Declaring a major is a huge step toward independence. It can set a person on a course for the rest of their life. To that end, it is best when it is discovered by the person who is doing the declaration. It is understandable that your daughter wants your support, to a certain extent. She does trust you and knows that you have good ideas. At the same time, she knows that she should make this decision based on what her studies and spirit are leading her to do.

The best thing you can do is to exercise patience and be a good listener. Do not take her sharpness personally. Understand that this is part of the process of becoming independent, and it is difficult. It’s also worth noting that people often change their majors if they discover that it isn’t a perfect fit. You can let her know that the choice does not have to be written in stone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend and I were invited to go camping for a few days with one of his favorite couples. We have only recently started dating seriously, and I am just getting to know him. I have learned that he loves the outdoors and things like camping, but I don’t.

I have never gone camping, so I don’t know what to expect. I want to be a good sport while not misleading him. I need a complete tutorial, and I’m afraid that my boyfriend doesn’t understand how green I am. How can I prepare for this trip? -- About to Camp, Darien, Connecticut

DEAR ABOUT TO CAMP: Start researching this trip in particular right now. Look up the campsite to see where it is and what is available there. Contact your boyfriend’s friends and tell them you want to be ready for the trip. Explain that you have never camped before, so you need a step-by-step list of what you need and what to expect. Talk to your boyfriend about your desire to go and your trepidation about never having done this before. Ask for his input and suggestions for how to make this a successful and safe trip. Ask for help in making a list of the gear that you need. Find out if your boyfriend or his friends have any gear to share with you. Equipping yourself can be expensive, but it’s wise to have the right shoes, outerwear, sleeping gear and flashlights to stay safe and warm. Keep asking questions until you feel comfortable that you are ready to go.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)