DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in a relationship for 26 years, but I am still not married. I have built a life, a home and a family with this man, but we have not taken the next step. I am waiting for him to show me that he appreciates me by marrying me. It just isn't happening. I am tired of waiting. Is it worth staying, or should I finally move on? -- The Next Step

DEAR THE NEXT STEP: You have stayed in this relationship for nearly 30 years. Why? It’s time for you to assess your reasons for remaining committed to this union and for creating, as you say, “a life, a home and a family with this man.”

To walk away now because he has not married you seems illogical. You should have put your foot down years ago to make it clear that being married to him was a requirement in order for him to get the rest of the package. You cannot blame him because you did not enforce the requirements that live in your heart.

Tell him that you love your life, but there is a big part missing for you -- the formal step of legally getting married. Ask him to marry you. Tell him that you have wanted to be married to him for all these years, and you don’t want to wait any longer. See if that gets him to budge. If not, you may be disappointed, but ask yourself, is walking away really what you want?

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am considering having children in the near future. Several issues regarding parenting choices have made headlines recently, particularly about vaccinations. I have seen good reasons for vaccinating and good reasons not to. I want to make the best choices for the family I create. I am leaning more against vaccinating, but I understand that society would shame me. How do I deal with the decision I make in a society that revolves around western medicine? -- Vaccinations and Social Pressure

DEAR VACCINATIONS AND SOCIAL PRESSURE: Vaccinations are one of many hot-button issues for parents. As you can see right now, however, the question about vaccinations has a lot to do with the bigger issue of public health. What you must do is research the pros and cons of vaccinating your child. It is a no-brainer for me; so many children are vulnerable and ill because they were exposed to measles without their bodies having the protection offered by vaccinations, which has been routinely required for generations.

I have traveled a lot and witnessed communities without access to the vaccinations that we in the United States consider standard medicine. Routinely, their children and elderly succumb to illnesses that are easily preventable. I would not put my child at that type of risk.

If you choose to skip vaccinations, you will need to figure out where your child can be educated and engage others in order to protect him or her from exposure to a host of germs. Many parents make that choice. If you do, you will face certain scrutiny. Your response should be grounded in the facts and figures you are using to support your decision, not emotion.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: We have several gender stereotypes and expectations in our society. Specifically, men are viewed as the ones who are supposed to chase and approach women. They are also supposed to be the ones to propose marriage. This causes many women -- like myself -- to miss out on opportunities and relationships. We do not take the chance or make the first move on men. Do you feel that times should progress into a more gender-neutral society, or should these gender roles remain traditional? -- Changing Expectations

DEAR CHANGING EXPECTATIONS: Depending upon who you talk to, expectations have already changed dramatically for many people. And yet, some of the so-called classic behaviors remain desirable for some people. I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to invite a man out if you are interested in him. It is OK for you to approach someone you like. What happens too often is that the nice guys who are sometimes shy and not as forthcoming as the more experienced guys do not make moves at all. And then, sadly, some people never get a chance to connect. For initial interactions, then, I think it is OK for either women or men to “make the first move” and express interest.

When it comes to asking to get married, ideally both parties have a good sense that they are ready. The idea of getting married should come because both partners have come to be close to each other and are choosing each other for the long haul. Having mutual love and respect should lead to the next step -- marriage. While it is romantic and old-school to entertain the idea of a man swooping in to ask your father for your hand in marriage before asking you, it is also perfectly fine for you to present your own invitation to your beloved. Making a commitment that includes marrying the family -- because you really do -- is what’s most important.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a small consulting firm, and I am working to build my clientele. One of my new clients is nice but difficult. He is always late for meetings or reschedules at the last minute. I don’t want to walk away from this client, but I can’t afford to sit around and not accept other work only for him to cancel at a moment’s notice. I’m nervous about charging a kill fee or full fee for a no-show, but I’m not sure what else to do. -- Value My Time

DEAR VALUE MY TIME: You should make guidelines for your clients that explain your terms for no-shows or late-comers. If you have a standard policy that you follow, no client should take it personally when you charge them for time that they have squandered. While you may feel nervous about losing this client, you will need to assess whether it’s actually worth it for you to keep him if he is so unreliable that it’s costing you money.

Since you have not previously instituted a kill fee, you can let him know that moving forward you will now be instituting this fee, and you hope he understands.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to start a business selling body-care products. I have already made some creams and lotions and tested them at street fairs in my neighborhood.

I want to take it to the next level, and I understand that networking is essential. What are some ways that I can start meeting new people and getting my products out there? -- Becoming an Entrepreneur

DEAR BECOMING AN ENTREPRENEUR: Testing the market is good, and that’s what you have been doing in your neighborhood. You should know that many small businesses start in that way. In fact, the beauty company Carol’s Daughter was started by Lisa Price more than 20 years ago in her kitchen. She built her brand by first selling at street fairs and slowly making her way into stores. Ultimately, she got investors and sold to L’Oreal. The goal of an entrepreneur who gets financial backing is to sell and turn a profit. It happened for her, and, if you work hard and have a wise strategy, it may happen for you, too.

What can you do to get further along your path? First, make sure that your product line is replicable and unique. There are many beauty products on the market. Why do you think people should choose yours over the others that are already out there? You need to be able to answer that question clearly.

In terms of networking, join your local chamber of commerce. Contact the local office of the Small Business Administration to see what support is available for you as you grow. Find online sites where you can promote your product. Go to community board meetings and introduce yourself to local government and business leaders. Identify community bulletin boards online and elsewhere, and post dates and locations for your sales. As summer is approaching, sign up to sell your products at as many local fairs as possible. This is a smart first step for raising awareness.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 4-year-old niece is becoming more mature and is very smart and aware of her actions. She does not always listen and chooses to do wrong things for attention. Discipline is essential for young kids, but how much is too far? Do you believe we should spank our kids, or should we simply talk it out with them? My sister keeps asking me what I think she should do, but I don’t have kids. -- Theories of Discipline

DEAR THEORIES OF DISCIPLINE: Though I grew up with the occasional spanking, I am not a believer in that form of discipline. This is primarily because I do not think that violence begets positive behavior. Instead, it inspires fear, anger and disillusionment.

Sometimes “talking it out” doesn’t work, either. I recommend that a child who is not listening well and is misbehaving should have privileges taken away. Often that means no electronics, no TV, no video games, etc. It could mean using a timeout, where a child has to be quiet and isolated for a set period. With a child as young as 4, five minutes is often long enough for a child to have to be quiet.

Your sister needs to develop a consistent strategy. If her daughter behaves in a manner that is inappropriate and belligerent, she needs to be reprimanded and then shown that there are consequences to her actions. If there are consistent consequences to bad behavior, she will learn to stop doing those things.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)