DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend broke up with me right after we celebrated her birthday. We had a nice dinner together, I thought, but then she dumped me. She said she wanted to make sure that we ended on a good note before it was over. That’s why she said that she planned the nice meal.

I am so confused. I didn’t see it coming. We had been getting along, as far as I could tell. Little issues here and there, but nothing major. Then we had this amazing night out, and -- boom -- I’m toast. I want to know why, but she won’t say anything. She told me it’s over and that should be enough for me.

I feel like I deserve an explanation, but she’s not talking. What can I do to get some closure here? I am freaked out by this. -- Bad Ending

DEAR BAD ENDING: Of course it would be kind of your ex-girlfriend to explain why she broke up with you, but you cannot force her to do so. That sucks, I know, but it’s true. She thinks that she handled the breakup in a thoughtful manner. You were doubly confused by her kindness, which seems almost cruel when you realize what she was planning.

As difficult as it is now, the best thing for you to do is to stand down. Since you cannot force her to reveal the underlying reasons for the breakup, the best you can do for yourself is to move on. Yes, it will be difficult. But do your best to occupy your time in other ways. Spend time with friends who were not part of your circle with her. Resist the temptation to talk about her. Consider going to a mental health counselor who can help you process your new reality and come up with tools to support your future. Give yourself time. But stop reaching out to her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was ill recently, and I spent some time in the hospital. Due to my illness, I have gained about 20 pounds, and my clothes don’t fit the same. I went shopping the other day, but everything made me look fat. I’m so distraught. I’m not feeling my best, and now I look horrible in my clothes. The salesperson assured me that I looked fine. I know her, so I don’t think she would lie, but right now I can’t trust myself. How can I get past this feeling of terror about my body? -- Feeling Fat

DEAR FEELING FAT: Before you do anything else, acknowledge how grateful you are to be alive after your medical ordeal. You are still healing from whatever drove you to the hospital, so take it easy on yourself. You may want to ask your doctor what you can eat to help heal your body completely and lose weight responsibly. If you are allowed to exercise, that may also help ease your discomfort.

Because you are so sensitive to how your body has changed, now is a good time to trust the salesperson to help you select a few wardrobe items to fit your body today.

As your body heals, you may consider getting a therapist to help you navigate this tender time in your life. You can address your physical and mental health concerns in a safe space.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have just started a new company and have a small team of people working with me, plus several unpaid interns. I need everyone in order to get things off the ground, and my resources are very limited right now. I give college credit whenever the schools allow, but sometimes the interns are simply volunteering.

One of my friends got mad at me for this and said I was like a slave owner. I took great offense to this. I am not forcing anybody to do anything. I am teaching them how to do the work that my company does, and when I can afford it, I will pay everybody. There is no lying or cheating or abuse at all. I have been upfront about how I work from the start. Do you think what I am doing is wrong? -- UNPAID INTERNS

DEAR UNPAID INTERNS: Obviously, if you can afford to pay volunteers, they would appreciate it. But I must say that I believe in internships, however they come. I got to New York City by creating two unpaid internships for myself. If I hadn't gotten that job experience writing for two small newspapers -- for free -- I wouldn't have had clips that helped me secure my first job at a national magazine.

Because of that, I always have interns. Over the years, some have been paid, others not. It depends on the size of my budget. I definitely have worked with schools to exchange work for academic credit, but I also accept interns who are not in school. I believe that the opportunity to get job experience can be invaluable. The symbiotic relationship that an intern and mentor can have is priceless. If you do your part to teach your intern and help to create employment options for him or her, you will be doing your job.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter met a friend at school who is related to someone I sometimes work for. I have complained about this woman ad nauseam, so I got worried as to what my daughter told her friend about her. My daughter told me that her friend made negative comments about the woman, which made me believe that my daughter also had some things to say. I asked again, but she didn't say more.

I am worried that my daughter shared too much, based on what I have told her when I have been going off at home about something that she said or did. Today I made it clear that some information is private, and other information is public. But I think it may be too late for this situation. What should I do if I am approached by my boss about what will seem like hearsay? -- HEARSAY

DEAR HEARSAY: If your boss approaches you, don't lie. You can apologize for anything that you may have said that reflected poorly on her. You can admit that sometimes you unpack the events of your day at home, and you have said some things about work that frustrated you, which you didn't expect to be repeated.

To your daughter, remind her that what you say at home, especially negative things, should be kept in confidence. The big message for you is not to unload so openly, even around your daughter. She shouldn't have to keep your secrets.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who is annoying, to say the least. She talks too much and is extremely loud and intrusive. I am a loner and rarely have company. She will ring my bell at all hours of the day and night and barge in because she wants somebody to talk to, or she wants a drink and is all out at her apartment. I don't want to have to let her in, but she is insistent. Sometimes she will bang on the door until it disturbs the other neighbors if I don't answer.

How can I get her to respect my boundaries? I don't want to nix her completely, but she can't just come over whenever she feels like it. -- INTRUSIVE NEIGHBOR

DEAR INTRUSIVE NEIGHBOR: What an awkward situation! When people live near those who have no sense of boundaries, it can be extremely uncomfortable for them to create space around themselves. It is going to take you being uncomfortable for a bit in order to get comfortable for the long term.

The best thing you can do is to speak to her directly and tell her that she is disturbing your peace. Tell her that she can no longer visit you uninvited. If she tries to get around your decision, tell her you will no longer answer the door.

You must accept a reality: You do not need to answer your door just because someone knocks on it. You can simply not answer. As uncomfortable as that seems, you can do it. If your neighbor gets loud and surrounding neighbors get upset, one of them may chime in to ask this person to stop or go home. You can also speak to her through the door and let her know that it is not a good time for her to visit. If she gets completely out of control, you can call the police, though I would leave police involvement to the most extreme of circumstances. You can report a noise violation by calling 311.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My in-laws are extremely judgmental. I get nervous sometimes because they will say anything, including talking about people when they are in the room. We had a family dinner recently, and many people were there. One of my cousins is extremely overweight. You guessed it. My mother-in-law lit into her when she went to get some dessert.

I know it would be smart for my cousin to skip dessert, but it was not my mother-in-law's place to reprimand her. She felt differently. When I tried to change the subject, she went in on her even more, harping about how she is killing herself. Whether her words are true or not, they were grossly inappropriate at this meal in front of a bunch of people. How can I get her to stop? Or should I just stop inviting her places? -- NEED A MUZZLE

DEAR NEED A MUZZLE: It is hard to change behavior, especially in a mature adult. But what you can do is decide what you are willing to accept or not. Talk to your spouse about the behavior of their parents and ask for support. Whatever you do will require a united front from both of you. You may want to talk to your in-laws together and let them know how hurtful your mother-in-law's comments were to your cousin.

But more effective may be to talk to them and let them know that if they cannot curb their disrespectful comments, you will have to curb their visits. You will probably need to limit the occasions that you get together with them to times when there are few people present and when you are willing to speak up and ask them to stop when they cross the line.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)