Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a co-worker who is slick as all get-out, and I’m sick of her. We work closely together. Whenever we have brainstorming meetings, which is part of our job, in the next staff meeting she pipes up and offers my ideas to the group as if they were her own. It is so annoying and rude. I have tried to hold back my ideas in our smaller group settings, but then I am accused of not being a team player. I am often the one who thinks outside the box and who comes up with pretty cool concepts. It is frustrating to see her glom onto them and then present them as her own week after week. How can I gain control of my ideas in the group setting? -- Stolen Concepts

DEAR STOLEN CONCEPTS: You may want to start with having regular meetings with your boss where you talk about ideas. Try to get in with your boss before the big meeting so that she knows what’s on your mind. Get a sense of whether your boss likes your ideas, and talk about how they might be implemented. In this way, you have planted a seed, and you may find that your boss becomes your ally in the next meeting.

You can even share that you find it hard to get your thoughts out to the group before your co-worker blurts them out. Ask your boss for input on how to be more proactive in the meetings.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I agree with your advice to “Back to Church” regarding avoiding a situation with no social distancing. However, I suggest that you add the fact that depending on God means using the brain and common sense He gave us. We are not commanded to follow blindly. To include those thoughts might give the reader more comfort in disagreeing with her pastor. -- Also Back to Church

DEAR ALSO BACK TO CHURCH: As more cities and states open up, more houses of worship will be open for parishioners. Your recommendation is key right now. Having faith does NOT mean turning your common sense over to a higher power or even to your pastor, rabbi or priest. You have to use your brain. Evaluate the risks versus the rewards. If you are a person with a compromised immune system, you need to beware of going into crowded spaces.

I spoke to a front-line medical doctor who said that we are going to have to figure out how to live in this time of COVID-19 because it will be months if not longer before we will have a vaccine -- the only thing that can give us some protection from it. His point was that we have to practice all safety precautions and learn to go about our daily lives. This calls for conscious awareness of our steps. Faith is essential, too. Just don’t stop thinking for yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have become a recluse during this quarantine period. I thought everybody was doing the same thing, but then I spoke to some friends in other parts of the country, and learned that we are having completely different experiences. I live in the big city, and we have been on lockdown. Officials have urged us not to go out, and I haven’t. I have ordered my food in and everything.

My friends across the country who live in houses with yards and in neighborhoods that are not so affected have been having cookouts and small parties and really living it up. I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone. So far, my social friends have all stayed healthy, so I can’t even point to what I think is reckless behavior on their part as being detrimental. I just feel like I’m in prison and they aren’t. I hate this, but I’m also afraid to venture out, even now when the rules are relaxing a bit. -- Conflicted

DEAR CONFLICTED: If you look at the charts that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention put out about the outbreak of COVID-19 and where the hotspots are, you will see how safe you are relative to the rest of the country. Your friends in suburbia may be in locations that are less critical in the spread of the disease. Even more, since they have space around their homes, they can go outside and remain safe. Entertaining with family members who live with them or with small groups who practice social distancing can be a safe practice as well.

For you, you will have to figure out what your safety comfort level is. Be vigilant about practicing social distancing, wearing a face covering whenever you go outside and washing your hands regularly. Soon, in many parts of the country, people will be able to venture out more liberally than in the past three months. Do so with caution, but do go out. We have to learn how to live in the midst of this health crisis. Do what is right for you in your community. Do your best not to compare yourself to others.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been waiting for months to physically go to the doctor. I have participated in those telehealth calls, which can be great for certain things. But I need to get a physical and go to the dentist. I’m worried that if I wait too much longer, my health concerns could become a problem. I have a couple of chronic illnesses, and normally I am monitored very closely. I have been patient, but I feel like I need to press my doctors to see me. What do you think? -- Need a Doctor

DEAR NEED A DOCTOR: If you believe that you need to have an in-person visit with your doctors, by all means, request it. Most medical offices are opening up at this point anyway, so it shouldn’t be too difficult to get an appointment. Call and explain your health concerns. Point out that you have had telehealth visits, but you believe you need to get your vitals checked and have your other health concerns addressed in person. Be firm. You should end up with an appointment.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been going out with this sweet guy from my high school for a year now. During coronoavirus, everything got weird because we haven’t been able to see each other. During one of our many “talks” on Snapchat, he told me that he doesn’t want to date anymore because he’s gay. What? Never in all the time that we have been together has he done anything to make me think he is gay.

I’m shocked. It’s not that I have an issue with gay people, but how could I not have known? We used to spend so much time together. He was so respectful. We were close, but he never tried to make me have sex with him. I thought that was him being a gentleman. Now my whole sense of how to know if somebody really likes me like that is wrecked. I thought I was in love with him only to find out none of it was true. I am so mad, but I don’t know what to say or do. -- Duped

DEAR DUPED: I’m sorry that your boyfriend did not turn out to be the guy for you. It sounds like you two are friends and possibly even close. It also sounds like he has been grappling with questions about his identity. Perhaps this time of quarantine helped him come to terms with who he is in a more profound and direct way. Unfortunately, it has impacted you, and you are hurt. That’s understandable.

Talk this out with him. Ask him to share his thoughts, feelings and experiences with you. What happened to make him realize that your relationship needed to be different?

Also, please know that it is possible for you to find someone who cares deeply for you who will not try to force you to do anything that you do not want, and who will take it slow. Straight boys can be gentlemen, too.

As it relates to this young man, tell him how you feel. He bears some responsibility for supporting you through this breakup and time of awakening for him. It may be possible for you to remain friends as you transition the nature of your relationship.

DEAR HARRIETTE: To the person who is suffering from skin breakouts despite having a good skin care regimen: Changing your pillowcase is half the battle! It's more than washing your face; if you wash your face at night and lay down on a dirty pillowcase for seven hours, it’s like you've done nothing. -- Change Your Case

DEAR CHANGE YOUR CASE: What simple, practical advice. You can have the most elaborate cleansing routine in the world, but if your sheets and pillowcase are soiled, you have defeated your chances of maintaining cleanliness. Ideally, you should change your bed linens once each week. Of course, if your pillowcase gets soiled before that time, change it the moment it is not clean.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)