Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been living in my rental home for three years now. My landlords don’t allow any pets whatsoever. I have asked about all types of pets: bunnies, cats, dogs, birds. The only pet that they allowed me to have is a fish.

Last week, I went out and rescued a dog from the pound. I caved in. He is very well trained, does not chew or scratch and is potty-trained. I can’t think of any reason why my landlords wouldn’t want him in the house because he does not have bad habits like some animals. I am taking a risk here, but what is the worst that could happen if they do find out about the dog? Could they terminate my annual lease? -- Secret Dog-Lover

DEAR SECRET DOG-LOVER: Yes, your lease could easily be terminated because you are breaking a hard-and-fast rule that your landlords have put in place. Particularly since you have challenged them on more than one occasion trying to get them to soften and allow you to have a pet, and they have never agreed, you are in a precarious position. Know that this is not fair to the animal if you are told you have to get rid of the dog or move.

Now is the time that you have to decide. How important is it for you to live in this building? Which is more important -- having a pet or living there? Once you decide, you will either need to give your dog to someone who can be responsible for it or move to a building that welcomes pets. It is that simple.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like my mom is always working against me. Anytime I ask her to help me with something, she will do the opposite of what I asked her to do. If I don’t ask her for any help, she finds a way into my business and makes a bad decision. I guess it’s just her being a mom, but my mom has fairly bad judgment and often makes situations worse for me.

I want her in my life, but it's becoming draining having to fix things after she has involved herself. I just want her to love me and let me handle my own business from now on, but I don’t have the heart to tell her to back off. Any pointers? I’m scared of breaking her heart. -- Mama, I Got It

DEAR MAMA, I GOT IT: You are an adult, and it’s time you acted like one. You need to set boundaries around your relationship with your mother. Lovingly tell her how much you value her, but that you need to make your own decisions for your life. Tell her that it is important for you to handle your affairs independently of her. If she pushes back by saying she just wants to help you because she is your mom, tell her the best way she can help you is by giving you space to make decisions, even if that means you sometimes may make mistakes.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been trying to buy a house for the past year. I feel like every time I find something that I want and that will work, something goes wrong. I have all of my money and credit in order and am ready to pull the trigger, but there’s a problem with either the property company, the lender, the Realtors, the sellers or the house, or something else will feel off that makes me hesitate on finishing the contract. I have had to back out of four different deals for all different reasons.

I am ready to give up and stay where I am and keep renting. I am unhappy where I am, but I feel like anything new is going to be a step down now. I need some light to keep me focused. How can I stay motivated? -- It's Never Right

DEAR IT’S NEVER RIGHT: Have patience. Buying property is a big decision. Trust your instincts. It’s better that you walked away from four different deals than to have signed yourself and your resources into something that you regret.

Pause for a moment and think about what you really want in a house. What are your top priorities? Write them down so that you can have your list top of mind as you consider other properties. Take your time and follow your list. You will find the right property for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My job has a promotion open, and I want to do my best to get noticed and be considered for the position. There are many people at my job that have the same idea in mind, and it is like a madhouse at work. Everyone is crunching to get their work done and trying their best to help out the big boss.

I don’t want to be ordinary and do what everyone else is doing. I want to be unique, but I don’t know what I can do to stand out. I’m doing my work and volunteering where I can. I come to work early and leave last. What else can I do, and what do bosses expect when looking for the right person for a promotion? -- Best Candidate

DEAR BEST CANDIDATE: Think about the position. What are the requirements for it? What does your company need to be successful? What qualities do you have that are well-suited for the role in question? Why are you "the one” for this role? Spend time answering these questions. This is where your uniqueness comes in. What about your education, job experience, personal experience and relationships makes you particularly right for this role? What about your temperament, ability to work with others and perspective on the work at hand are assets for your company?

After you consider these questions very specifically, write down what stands out about you for this role. You need to be able to answer the question “Why me?” in terms of why you should be hired. Once you have that answer, consider writing up a proposal that pitches you for the job, telling your employer what you can offer to add to the bottom line, describing your brand of leadership. You can proactively offer your pitch to your employer, making it clear that you are interested and prepared to do the job. Meanwhile, continue to do your work to the best of your ability with as pleasant an attitude as possible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Thanksgiving! I want to wish each and every one of you a happy, healthy season of love and connection to family. This is the time of year when so many people are focused on family, yet it is different this year. Indeed, 2020 has proven different in myriad ways.

We have been living under the invisible veil of COVID-19 for many months now. So many of us have lived in some form of perpetual quarantine in order to protect ourselves. And right now, the surge of spread of this virus is requiring us to be ever more vigilant. Scientists suggest that one way that outbreaks are spiraling out of control is through intimate family contact. Small gatherings of loved ones who let their guard down and do not wear masks are a current culprit in viral spread, primarily because -- according to these scientists -- the virus can be transmitted by people who have no apparent symptoms.

My intent is not to scare you. Instead, in the spirit of family love and connection, I am reminding us to be vigilant. I long to be with my family, including my 91-year-old mother. We are choosing to be together via videoconferencing to ensure that we do not infect anyone. What are you choosing to do? If you decide to spend time physically with your loved ones, please be mindful to keep your distance and wear a mask -- except when you are eating. And while eating, please keep your distance.

I say this not as a political statement -- at all. I say it as a love statement. My plea to all of us is to be able to be with the loved ones we hold so very dear in the safest ways possible. Let’s not risk each other’s health because we want to be together so badly. It is possible to have both if we are cautious.

Like many of you, I am very close to my small family. Typically, my husband, daughter and I drive about five hours to be with them because Thanksgiving is notoriously a high-traffic time of year. We choose to share this time together. This year, we are choosing to do it remotely.

I hope you will all pause and consider how you can show your gratitude for each other safely. Envision your personal way of engaging family and friends with love and commitment, not missing a beat in terms of making your devotion clear without putting anyone in harm’s way.

My mother talks often about counting our blessings, especially during hard times. For this Thanksgiving, let us all count our blessings. We are here. We are alive and able to express our love. We are grateful for the opportunity to connect with the people who matter in our lives. We can embrace this day with fullness of heart and an abundance of joy.

We can also use technology to keep close to one another. I often think about the value of technology partnered with humanity. Technological developments are amazing and can make it possible for us to see and talk to each other no matter where in the country or the world we are. Let’s use all of the means we have to share our love. And if we intend to spend time with each other physically, let us do so with an abundance of caution. We are all worth it. Happy Thanksgiving, all!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)