DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a call center with close cubicles. My employer has upgraded them by adding plastic guards between each of us, and we are required to wear masks in cooperation in stopping the spread of the pandemic. But there is this one co-worker that is insensitive to the pandemic. She sits right next to me, and to my knowledge, she does have allergies. She has often come to the office coughing and sneezing but says she is not sick. This past week, she was sitting at her desk and walking around the office with her mask not covering her nose, only her mouth.

I feel that she should be more considerate of her co-workers during these sensitive times. I am uncomfortable working near her. Though she may not be truly sick, it is common courtesy to follow the health and safety procedures, and she does not. I just don’t think she cares about others becoming sick. How do I approach this situation? Do I say something to her or complain to my supervisor? -- Germy Co-worker

DEAR GERMY CO-WORKER: Go directly to your supervisor. Point out your concerns. Especially now that COVID-19 has once again reached critical highs, you are right to worry about your health and that of your other co-workers and family. Have specific examples of the ways in which this co-worker is violating company policy and safety precautions during COVID-19. Explain that you are doubly concerned because this woman who is not compliant sits next to you. Ask for her to be reprimanded and for either you or her to be moved so that you no longer sit beside each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a huge bonus from my job recently. I couldn’t be happier. I have been working like crazy this year to help my company stay strong during the pandemic. I feel weird, though, because I know that other family members and friends have not had such good fortune.

I want to tell my loved ones, but I don’t want to be insensitive. I was also thinking it would be nice to give each of them a monetary gift for Christmas in addition to whatever else I might give, but I don’t want to offend anyone. How can I handle this? -- Feeling Generous

DEAR FEELING GENEROUS: Now might be a time to keep awareness of your good fortune to yourself. You should definitely put some of the money away in a savings or investment instrument. I heard Magic Johnson recently say that we should save as much money as we can right now because the future is very much in flux.

But to the point of caring for your family, I think a monetary gift would be welcome, especially if you present it well. Why not write a note to each recipient expressing your love and admiration for them? Enclosed in the note can be cash, a check or a gift card in whatever amount you are prepared to offer. If you are asked how you were able to make that gift, tell them you received a bonus at work and wanted to share it with them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married to my husband for about three years now. We are still in our 20s. My husband has some questionable habits I have noticed now that we have begun living together. He’s saying things differently and acting differently. I feel like he’s letting his guard down, and I’m seeing the real him. I think the real him is gay. I never got that feeling before we got married, but everything just seems different now. I’m not sure what to do with this feeling.

I’m convinced he wants to be with a man, but he is with me, and it makes me feel like I don’t want to be with him anymore. If I bring it up and it's true, I lose him. If he’s not, he will probably never feel the same about me. Either way, I’m not sure I can feel the same about him after having these thoughts. The idea makes me lose either way. Should I ask him? How do I deal with this mentally? -- Wrong Team Player

DEAR WRONG TEAM PLAYER: Being suspicious of your husband without saying anything will not lead to a positive end. Especially, early in your marriage, it is important for you to be open with each other as you get to know each other better.

You haven’t said exactly what your husband is doing that is questionable. Whatever it is, make a list. Then look at it to determine whether you are being overly sensitive or your concerns are potentially justified.

Talk to your husband. Tell him that you have noticed that he is behaving differently, and it is making you uncomfortable. Point out whatever those actions are. Then ask him. Yes, you actually should ask him directly whether he is gay -- if that remains your suspicion. If you ask without being confrontational, you have a better chance of getting an honest answer. Tell him why you are suspicious. You can add that you love him and that you want him to be happy. If it is in his soul to be with another man, it is important for him to figure that out now. You may need counseling to help you work through this.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a cousin who is single and older. She led an isolated life before COVID-19, and it has only gotten worse now. She calls me at all different times to talk and then goes on and on without really listening. I usually take her calls, but I find her to be a drain on my energy.

I feel bad during this season of giving that I am not feeling so generous toward her. How can I step out of my selfishness and be more attentive? What I really want to do is not pick up. -- Not Feeling Generous

DEAR NOT FEELING GENEROUS: Thank you for your honesty. It can be hard to feel welcoming to needy people. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It means you are honest with yourself. Going one step further, you can open your heart a bit more to this cousin. Engage empathy. Remind yourself that she is alone. Studies have proven that isolation can lead to all kinds of actual illnesses. People do need to be connected to each other in meaningful ways. This includes your cousin.

So, while you may not be available to talk to her whenever she calls, be conscious about making time for her. Let her know you love her and that you think about her often. When she reaches out, do not ignore her, even if you can't talk at that moment. Be sure to follow up when you are available. That thoughtfulness can go a long way. But know that you do not always have to pick up for her or anyone else. You can engage when it works best for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife and I are getting a divorce. It scares me to know that after years of marriage we have to part ways. We have kids, and that makes our situation more difficult. I know typically the mom gets custody of the kids, and I will only get to see them on the weekends. I’m afraid that unless a holiday falls on a Saturday or Sunday, I will not get to see them then, either.

I know these things can be sorted out with a lawyer, but I know my ex-wife will have reasons to make this case swing in her favor, and they will be hitting below the belt. I just want the best chance to see my kids just as much as her without a lengthy and brutal custody war. How can I make sure my ex-wife plays fair and won’t selfishly try to take my kids away from me? -- Fighting for My Kids

DEAR FIGHTING FOR MY KIDS: Typically, divorces are difficult, and emotions run high. If you have the ability to stay calm during this process, everyone will benefit. Start by apologizing for whatever your role has been in the demise of your marriage. Usually both partners have done things that led to the breakup. Own up to your part and apologize for hurting her and the family in any way. Tell your soon-to-be-ex that you want to co-parent with her. This is important to you, and you want to work out the details directly with her, if at all possible.

Think about an arrangement that could work for you both based on your schedules and bandwidth. Step up and show her that you are serious about caring for your children. The more you show maturity and long-term thinking, the better the chance you have of working out an amicable agreement with her directly.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently watched a stand-up act of one of my favorite comedians. Comedians’ families typically take the worst hits from their jokes that people love to hear. But this joke didn't make me laugh the same way as the others. This comedian called his young daughter a “ho.”

Following this comedian and seeing and hearing about his family often, it made me uncomfortable to hear. It offended me and caught me off guard. I mean, the whole bit was funny, but it just made me wonder why and how could he even say that about her, regardless of his career. I feel like the joke hurt his reputation and said more about his morals than it added to his career and success. What are your thoughts on comedians making uncomfortable comments for a living? Do you believe there is a significant impact in their personal lives? -- Bad Joker

DEAR BAD JOKER: I do not like jokes about family members that are disparaging. While they can be hysterical, they often hurt the victim’s psyche. I also think that minors should be off limits, and young adults should be too.

How you can make your voice heard on this point is to write to the comedian and express your views. Ask for him to stop. Tell him how much you like his comedy and point out where you think he should draw the line. You never know: Your voice may be heard.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)