Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I asked for recommendations for hair stylists on social media. Someone messaged me that she was launching a hair business and showed me some of her work. I liked it, so I scheduled an appointment for a simple hair dye and trim. The style can take anywhere from two to three hours, but I was at the shop for more than four hours. I was the only customer. The color was completely wrong, and I hated it. She gave me a discount for the appointment since I didn’t like it.

Over the next couple of days, my hair started coming out in clumps. I’ve dyed my hair before, but it’s never had this type of damage. I am not sure what she did, but I want all my money back. The problem is that her social media accounts are gone and her phone number is disconnected, and every time I go to the shop, there is no one there. I’ve been thinking about contacting the police to file a report and lawsuit. This all turned out to be so sketchy. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else. Should I go to the police for help finding her? -- Scammed Hair

DEAR SCAMMED HAIR: Rather than the police, you may want to file a claim with a small claims court. Take a picture of the damage and find photos of yourself before. Gather all of the written communication from the woman as well as receipts for payment.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a nanny for a new family. I can tell that the children are comfortable with me because they have begun to loosen up and are beginning to behave badly, including using profanity. Even the youngest child -- who is learning to talk -- repeats curse words. I know that kids learn from what they hear, so I thought they must hear that language on TV.

I told my employers to limit the kids’ screen time, but when they went to punish the kids for their behavior, they used profanity while lecturing the children. I couldn’t believe they didn’t make the connection right then and there. I was so shocked at the parents’ behavior that I left. I keep going to work, but I am unable to figure out what to say to the parents. Should I tell them they shouldn't curse at the kids, or am I out of place? -- Loose Lips

DEAR LOOSE LIPS: Tread lightly here. When you are with the children, use positive language that is empowering and free of any profane words. When the children use profanity, offer them replacement words and phrases. The child who is learning to talk can learn to emulate your language.

You should also point out the children's language to their parents -- but be careful. Give an example that is not about them directly. Before my daughter was born, my husband and I decided that we would not curse around her at all. It took a bit of practice, but we managed. We have a friend who “curses like a sailor.” He told us he curbed his cursing when his firstborn at about age 2 strung together a collection of curses to share at a dinner party. You may or may not get them to stop, but you can be a good example.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having issues with my sister-in-law about house duties. Unfortunately, she and her kids moved in with my husband and me after she lost her job and could no longer afford her home. My husband invited her to live with us, but it’s a problem because they make a lot of messes. She expects me to clean up all the time because it is my house. It is annoying to clean up after everyone when you didn’t make the mess.

My sister-in-law gets upset when I ask her to clean because the place looks dirty, but the mess is not coming from me or the few people who visit me and my husband. My husband doesn’t realize it is her and her children messing everything up. How do I go about letting her know in a nice way that I am not cleaning up after anybody but myself without offending her? -- Clean Up

DEAR CLEAN UP: Talk to your husband and let him know that you feel the need to set house rules. Get him to agree so that you are a united front, then call a meeting. Be kind and direct. Let your sister-in-law know that in order for your household to run smoothly, everybody has to pitch in. Point out that you understand that children can be messy and create clutter -- and that you need everyone to clean up after themselves. Assign household chores to everyone that should be completed daily, as-needed and weekly. If she balks, let her know that these are the rules of your home, and you expect them to be followed.

She may not like this at first, but the reality is that it is your home, and you have the right to enforce the level of cleanliness that makes you comfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Living with a bunch of roommates can be rough. There are a lot of arguments and disagreements because of money. Each of us put a utility bill in our name; we split the bill and pay the person who holds the account.

One of the roommates failed to pay me their share for the bill in my name. So when she asked me for the money for the bill in her name, I told her to take the payment out of the money she owed me and call it even. She said it was unfair because her bill share costs more than mine. I asked her day after day for the money on my bill, and she said I will get the money, but I never did. I offered to pay her the difference, but she’s not accepting it. I can’t see why she is being so unreasonable and can’t seem to see where I am coming from. Am I wrong? What can we do about bill sharing in the future to avoid this type of misunderstanding? -- Bill Sharing

DEAR BILL SHARING: Having roommates is tough. So are the responsibilities that come with those roommates. Bills are at the top of the list. To get everyone in alignment, call a house meeting. State that the topic is bills, and then be direct in front of everyone about your concern. Remind all that each person has to be responsible, or you will have serious difficulties down the line. Bring up the issue at hand, and ask the group to weigh in. Move on from there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My job doesn’t have any written policy about allowing phones at our desk. I’ve worked for this company for more than 10 years, and I’ve never had an issue. I have kids, and I am a nervous wreck with them in high school during the pandemic, so I check my phone and text them throughout the day.

We just got a new manager, and she is completely against cellphones at our desks. She asked me to use my phone in the bathroom only, but now I am constantly away from my desk. Other co-workers in different sections of the office use their phones with the permission of their managers, but mine won’t budge. What is the big deal? I am a responsible adult and would not let it interfere with my work, and it’s never been a problem. It seems as if this manager is overcompensating for being new. Am in the wrong for how I feel? -- Bathroom Cellphone

DEAR BATHROOM CELLPHONE: Take a deep breath and develop a new strategy. Creating friction with your boss is not going to invite success for you. I understand your concern about your children being in school at this uncertain time in our world. But it is likely hard for them to text you all the time. I recommend that you come up with times that your teens can text you with updates -- preferably in between classes -- unless there is an emergency. Then have them text you when they are leaving school and when they get home. These can be standard check-ins. Keep your phone in your pocket or wear a smartwatch so you can feel the buzz. If they text outside of the normal times, you will know you have to check right away to ensure there’s no problem.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents want me to be a doctor. They have paid for my college tuition to pursue a career in medicine. After my first year of school, though, I realized that I want to be a veterinarian. It still involves many aspects of being a doctor: I wanted to be a surgeon, and I can be, just performing surgery on animals. But to them it's not good enough. They have threatened to stop paying my tuition unless I become serious about being a practicing doctor. They don’t believe helping animals will give me the right success. I believe success can only be measured by our own goals, and mine is to help loving animals with no voice. How can I get them to see that my choice is just as good and not lose their support? -- Pet Vet

DEAR PET VET: Your parents are attempting to set you up for success. Becoming a doctor is one of those goals that many families have because they believe you can do good in the world and make a lot of money. I believe it is also very important to carve a path that fills your spirit; otherwise, it could be hard to live in joy.

To convince your parents, do your research. Gather information about the type of work that veterinarians do these days and the range of income that they earn. When I was growing up, veterinarians had far fewer responsibilities and opportunities than they have now. Household pets can suffer from diseases similar to humans, and surgeries mirror those that humans can undergo. Pet owners now get insurance to have the resources to care for pets that are ill. The work can be fulfilling and lucrative. Keep up your studies, and gently ease in information about your area of interest. Be prepared to get loans if they refuse to pay.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)