DEAR HARRIETTE: My son was accepted at four colleges so far, and he was offered some scholarship money. I am so proud of him, but he isn’t happy. He hasn’t heard from his favorite schools yet; he says he’ll feel like a failure if he doesn’t get into one of them. I have tried to console him. He knows that some of his buddies from school haven’t gotten even one acceptance yet. I want to be able to support him, but I’m not sure what to say. What do you recommend? -- Waiting for College Acceptance

DEAR WAITING FOR COLLEGE ACCEPTANCE: The waiting period can be a nail-biting time. Most students and parents are on edge because the stakes are high. You can acknowledge what your son is feeling and let him know that it is OK to be anxious. Remind him of the timeline for hearing from the schools. Encourage him to be patient. Point out that it is good news that he has options, since some schools have accepted him. Admit that you know how he is hoping for other schools to welcome him. Assure him that it will all be all right in the end, no matter what happens. Whatever you do, do NOT diminish his feelings. They are real, and they are valid.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I like to get a massage on a regular basis. I work out a lot, and massages help to ease the tension in my body. I have a new boyfriend, and he thinks that it is indecent for me to get a massage. The idea that I take off all my clothes in front of another person sets him off -- even if the therapist is a woman. He has never had a massage, so he doesn’t understand the way it works. He thinks it’s sexual, or potentially could be. How can I get him to ease up? He has demanded that I stop getting massages. I told him I’m not going to do that. He is acting like this could be a deal breaker. -- No More Massage

DEAR NO MORE MASSAGE: Invite your boyfriend to go with you to get a massage. Some facilities offer couples massages, where there are two tables in the room, and therapists work on you simultaneously. Even in those settings, the services are therapeutic -- not sexual. This might allay his fears. You can also offer to have a female therapist only.

If he refuses or maintains that you should never get a massage again, you should consider that a red flag. Massage therapy is a legitimate, licensed profession that many people use for health and wellness purposes. You have every right to engage a massage therapist. If your boyfriend wants to prohibit you from doing so, you may want to consider that action a bit too controlling. Do you really want to be in a relationship where your boyfriend can make such demands?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I interviewed a number of dynamic people for a project recently. I could hire only one person. I was telling a friend about my experience, and she asked me if I would refer the people I hadn’t hired to her. This put me in an awkward situation. The job I had to offer was very specific and different from what my friend needs. Perhaps someone might work for her, though.

Something about my friend asking rubbed me the wrong way. What I realize is that every time I go through an interviewing process, this same friend wants to take her pick from my group. I spend a lot of time and effort soliciting talent for my projects. My friend told me that she only wants to interview people who have already been vetted by people she knows. She admitted that she wants me to do the work for her. I take offense to that. Should I refer her to the candidates who might be good for her, despite me being miffed at her for mooching? -- Freeloader

DEAR FREELOADER: If you truly believe you have met a candidate who would be good for your friend, don’t keep that information to yourself. Share. But what you can do in the future is stop talking about the machinations of your interview process. Your friend has told you hers. She waits to hear what her friends and colleagues have learned about people and picks from their rejects. If you don’t want her to do that anymore, stop talking about what you do and who you’ve met. What you don’t tell her, she won’t know.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My girlfriend and I decided to lay off the booze for a month. We had been drinking too much all last year. While it was fun, we knew we were overdoing it. Anyhow, for all of January we went cold turkey. It was good for us. But then we immediately started drinking again when February started. And we overdid it. We both drank a lot and woke up hungover. It was awful. Does that mean we are alcoholics? -- CAN’T STOP DRINKING

DEAR CAN’T STOP DRINKING: You can decide for yourself or with a medical professional as to whether you are alcoholics. What you have clearly identified is that you like to drink and that in the past you have drunk too much. Why not go back to your January plan and stop drinking again? Follow the idea of one day at a time. Decide that today you will not have a drink. Get through today, then go for tomorrow. If you aren’t interested in stopping completely, give yourself a day of the week when you can have a drink. Decide in advance what that day will be and how much you are allowing yourself to consume. Do this with your girlfriend so that you can support each other.

If it is too difficult to drink in moderation, you may have a drinking problem. If you feel you need help to stop, get it. You can visit Alcoholics Anonymous online to get started at aa.org.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I did one of those popular diets for the month of January, and I am so mad. I did it because I need to lose weight; sitting around at home during COVID-19 and eating whenever I want to has not helped me at all. But starving myself for a month didn’t help either. My stomach was constantly upset, and I didn’t even lose much weight. I did notice what my cravings are because my patterns were disrupted. But still, I’m left in the same position that I started in: I need to lose weight. What should I do? -- Need To Lose

DEAR NEED TO LOSE: Go get a physical from your doctor. Figure out the status of your health, and ask for a referral to a nutritionist. You can work with this person to assess your current eating habits and consider healthier options. You should also incorporate exercise into your daily routine. Don’t let the effect of the interminable quarantine make you unhealthy. Incorporate a few modifications into your daily life, and track your success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I don’t have any friends. When I was out and about, working and socializing, it felt completely different. I was always the belle of the ball, so to speak. My work was very social, and I knew a lot of people who acted like they wanted to be around me. Now that we can’t go anywhere, I realize that most of those people have disappeared. I have one girlfriend who I have talked to consistently over all these months. The rest -- poof! When I have reached out to some of the people I thought were my friends, it fell flat. Should I just let them go? I feel like such a loser. -- No Friends

DEAR NO FRIENDS: My mother used to say that you were lucky if you could count your friends on one hand. That’s all you need. Many people are acquaintances. Few are true friends. If you have one good friend, hold onto her -- especially after the world opens up again. Don’t take her for granted. The others are part of your social circle. Don’t be mad at them. Just realize who they are and the purpose they serve in your life. The mistake that many people make is attempting to turn relationships into something that they are not.

Use this reflective time to assess your relationships. Who fits into what category? If you identify anyone outside of your one friend who could be a true friend, decide to cultivate that bond. Be attentive, and let that person know how much you value him or her in your life.

When you are clear about the roles that people play in your world, you can manage your feelings and expectations better. It will be easier for you to know who can keep a secret, who gives great advice, who is good for a night on the town, who is a great connector, etc. Being aware in this way will make you a winner!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)