DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has been kind of depressed and unmotivated since becoming unemployed. She lost her job at the beginning of the pandemic and has been living off of unemployment checks ever since. This is more than a year and a half of being at home, mainly in her room watching TV and sleeping. I'm younger than she is, so she doesn’t really listen to me when I try to encourage her to get back out there and find a new job. She will go back to her room and shut the door or ignore me when I make suggestions. I love my sister and want her to be happy. She definitely needs to get back to her life. How can I motivate her? -- Trying To Help

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: The good news right now is that there are a lot of jobs available. In fact, in various service industries there are so many job openings that restaurants, retail stores and other service providers can’t work at full capacity because they don’t have the staff. Tell your sister that things have changed since the pandemic first hit. She may be able to find something if she looks again. Sometimes renewed motivation that is all that's needed to inspire someone who has lost confidence due to job loss.

Another important point during this period is to think outside of the box. Your sister’s way of earning a living may not be available right now, for a host of reasons. But it would help her resume if she would try to get a job of some kind, even if it’s temporary. What you can do is encourage her, tell her what you are learning about the job market and suggest that she try again now because things are different these days.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m almost 30. Most of my friends are in serious relationships or building their careers. But one of my friends is worrying me a lot. My friend’s girlfriend is way too young for him -- she’s 18, and he’s almost 27. I find this extremely off-putting. I’ve expressed to him a few separate times that their age difference is concerning. It’s time to man up, not date children. I have a sister his age, and I know this girl is too young for him. I want to get that point across to him, but he is not listening. Would it be wrong to cut him off because I disagree with their relationship? -- Grossed Out

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Legally, your friend is safe because his girlfriend is 18, but I have to agree that this age difference is significant at this time in their lives. Before you cut him off, though, try to talk to him once more. Remind him of your sister and how impressionable she was at that age. Point out that no matter how much fun he may be having with this young woman, she is at the very beginning of discovering who she is, while he should be at the point where it is time for him to get serious in his life. After this, step back. If he does not rethink this relationship, you can definitely cut him off.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m headed home for Christmas, and I feel nervous about it. I gained a ton of weight during quarantine. As I have been trying on clothes to figure out how to dress during my visit, I realize that most of my clothes are too small. I am feeling extremely self-conscious about seeing my family and friends in my hometown. I haven’t been home in a long time -- since before COVID-19. The person they remember is not the person I am today, at least not how I look. I don’t feel like dealing with people asking me what’s wrong with me and criticizing me about my weight. What can I do to get over this? I want to see my family, but I dread how I will be received. -- A Little Heavy

DEAR A LITTLE HEAVY: According to the Harvard Review, researchers polled 15 million people about weight gain during the pandemic and discovered that 39% of Americans gained weight during this period, with more than 10% of them gaining more than 12.5 pounds. What you have experienced is real, and you are not alone. Chances are, members of your family and your hometown friends have also gained weight. While you feel particularly self-conscious right now, you may be in similar company when you get home.

What you can do is select items from your closet that fit, even if it's only a few garments. Go to the store to supplement a few key items if you really need them. You can shop anywhere from a department store to a specialty shop to a thrift shop. You can find clothing at any price these days. When you are dressed well, you will feel better about yourself. Also, resolve to get yourself on a healthier track. This will give you confidence as well.

When you get home, if the critics start making comments, stop them. Tell them you know you have gained weight, and you are working on reversing that. Thank them for keeping their comments to themselves.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer, you answered a question from “Swimsuit Season,” a reader who felt uncomfortable in a swimming suit, and your advice -- find a cut of suit that makes you feel good and ignore the critics -- was spot on. I’d like to add my two cents’ worth. I’m 67, 6 feet tall and have a dad bod. I dislike baggy board short trunks, so I wear a Speedo brief whenever I go in the water. My advice: Care not a whit what the fashionistas think. You’re not in junior high anymore. Wear whatever suit fits and is comfortable. There are no fashion police. If there were, I’d have been locked up long ago, especially after wearing a ladies' one piece at the Polar Bear Plunge for the Special Olympics. (“Butt” that’s another story!) Come on in; the water’s fine! -- Wet and Wild

DEAR WET AND WILD: Thank you for such an uplifting and real response. It’s funny how self-conscious we can be about how we look. When you can just enjoy your life however you look, your experiences become that much sweeter.

I will add, as someone who has spent a lot of years immersed in the world of fashion, I do appreciate a great swimsuit and other garments, but never to the detriment of the spirit. Clothing, including swimsuits, should make us feel good, never shame us!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m in my senior year of high school, and the pressure is intense. It seems like my friends and I are constantly mad at somebody. There’s just so much tension between friend groups and people who are dating or not and trying to figure out relationships. Plus, we are applying to college and worried about whether or not we will get in. I talk to my mother about it, and she’s kind of helpful, but it's all just too much. I don’t know how to manage this time. One week I have friends, and the next week it feels like nobody is my friend. How can I stay calm and still get my work done through it all? -- Overwhelmed

DEAR OVERWHELMED: I feel your pain. My daughter is a senior in high school, and I see how the stress can take over. We practice meditation, which can be helpful. Try this: Sit quietly with your feet flat on the floor and your eyes closed. Take three deep breaths. As you breathe in, feel the oxygen filling your body. Imagine your breath cleansing your entire body. As you exhale, let go of any tension you feel in your body. Repeat that for a series of three cleansing breaths. Then, breathe naturally. With your eyes closed, continue to notice your breath as it moves in and out of your body. As thoughts pop up, notice them, but don’t try to hold on to them. Allow the thoughts to pass like clouds in the sky. Some thoughts may be happy. Some may be worrisome, like storm clouds. Whatever they are, let them come and go. Invite yourself to be calm. With each natural breath, give yourself permission to be still and calm. After three to five minutes (however much time you have to devote to yourself), open your eyes. That simple meditative moment can help you calm down and access your inner strength.

As you go through your day, when the drama starts to build, pause and do a mini-meditation. It will help you regain control of yourself in the midst of so much that is out of your control. Trust that you can get through this, and that this extremely emotional time in your life will pass.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My niece recently had a baby. She is the first baby of this generation, and we are all excited for her. For Christmas, everybody wants to get her a ton of gifts. I’m sure that’s not ideal, though we should probably get her a few things. Should I talk to my niece about what she needs the most rather than just buying her a ton of stuff? Part of me wants to spoil the baby, but the practical side says I should speak to her mom. -- Gifts for the Baby

DEAR GIFTS FOR THE BABY: Especially since there is only one baby in the family now, you are right that the chances are great that she will be showered with gifts. By all means, speak to your niece. Find out what would be most helpful to her, including cash. It may not sound particularly fun, but helping to start a college fund could be a fantastic idea. The baby won’t know the difference, but your niece will thank you in 18 years! Or your niece may appreciate a cash gift that will help with maintaining her household. Find out, and follow her lead.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)