DEAR HARRIETTE: I lived with my aunt and her husband over the summer. Every day that I was there, they made me feel unwelcome. They would make comments to me about not paying any bills. It got to the point where I cut my trip short because of how uncomfortable they both made me. Now that I’ve left, they are always asking me to come back and visit. They even asked me to visit them during Christmas, which I have never done before. What could this be about? I almost feel as if they’re gaslighting me. -- Unwelcome Guest

DEAR UNWELCOME GUEST: You may want to have a direct conversation with them. Ask them why they want you to come back to visit with them. Listen to their answers. Then tell them why you are confused. Point out that when you did stay with them, it was uncomfortable enough that you left early. Tell them that you do not understand what happened during your visit this summer. What you do know is that you did not enjoy your time there.

Tell them you love them and hope to see them again, but you do not plan on visiting any time soon. This is much easier said than done, I realize, as I say this to you. But what happens more often is for people to bite their tongues and endure the negativity -- especially if the challenges are coming from elders. Without being disrespectful, you can state your case so that your family knows that everything is not OK between you. If they choose to clear the air with you, maybe something great can come out of it. Otherwise, it’s fine for you to see them on occasion without staying with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my girlfriend set up push notifications on her phone for every time I publish a tweet or a Facebook post. This means that when I post a status or a tweet, even when it has nothing to do with her, she’ll be notified. This was obviously something she didn’t want me to know about. I asked her about it, and she denied it and told me that she is notified whenever anyone posts anything (completely untrue). Should I be alarmed by this? It’s totally normal for her to want to view my page, but to be notified about every post just seems a bit extreme. -- GF Stalks My Page

DEAR GF STALKS MY PAGE: You two need to talk about your relationship and boundaries. Ask her why she wants to follow your every move on social media. Does she have reason to distrust you? If so, you may want to deal with that directly. If there is no legitimate reason for her to feel she has to check your actions, you need to find out why she would make this choice. Furthermore, you need to establish boundaries. Nobody wants to be stalked, even by a girlfriend. Ask her to stop. It’s OK for her to look at your posts without tracking you. If she refuses, you will need to reassess if this is the kind of relationship that you want to have.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to visit my friend in Las Vegas a few months ago. She moved there earlier this year, so I was excited to see her new apartment and meet her new friends. I slept on the couch while I was there. One night she went to sleep early, and her friends -- including a man she’s been seeing -- stayed in the living room with me. The second they left, she walked out of her room and accused me of flirting with her love interest. I was completely shocked. I have no idea why she would come to that conclusion. She wasn’t in the room, and I wasn’t the only woman present, so it felt random that she would point the finger at me. She apologized a week later. Do you think that my friend could have some sort of hidden animosity toward me? She never really gave me a reason for why she pointed the finger at me that night. -- Strange Accusation

DEAR STRANGE ACCUSATION: Chances are, your friend is experiencing issues with her boyfriend that have nothing to do with you. For her to accuse you of flirting with him suggests that he has either flirted with others or been less than attentive to her at important moments. Her insecurities became your problem when she made baseless accusations.

You may want to check in with her to see how she’s doing. Rather than revisiting her motivation for the accusation, find out her state of mind. Ask her about her new job and her life in Vegas. Ask if she is still dating the man and if she is happy. Don’t press her, but if she wants to talk about her life, give her space to do so.

My guess is that her reason for lashing out at you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Earlier this year, before I started dating my current boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend -- with whom I was on good terms -- sent me a thoughtful present. I didn’t think much of it at the time. Now my ex’s birthday is approaching. Would it be completely inappropriate to return the favor and send him something, too? I would feel bad if I got him absolutely nothing when he sent me such a nice present. We were good friends, after all. -- Returning the Favor

DEAR RETURNING THE FAVOR: There is no rule that says you cannot remain friendly with an ex. Indeed, some people figure out that they aren’t suited to be a couple, but their friendship outlasts romance. Perhaps that is the case with this man. My vote is that you can extend a birthday greeting to him. That doesn’t mean you send him an extravagant gift. You can send him a beautiful card or some other thoughtful acknowledgment of his special day.

What you don’t want to do is keep your friendship a secret. If you truly are friends with this man now, there is no reason that your current boyfriend can’t know that. He doesn’t need to have a detailed update every time you speak, but he should be informed that you two have remained friends.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has been kind of depressed and unmotivated since becoming unemployed. She lost her job at the beginning of the pandemic and has been living off of unemployment checks ever since. This is more than a year and a half of being at home, mainly in her room watching TV and sleeping. I'm younger than she is, so she doesn’t really listen to me when I try to encourage her to get back out there and find a new job. She will go back to her room and shut the door or ignore me when I make suggestions. I love my sister and want her to be happy. She definitely needs to get back to her life. How can I motivate her? -- Trying To Help

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: The good news right now is that there are a lot of jobs available. In fact, in various service industries there are so many job openings that restaurants, retail stores and other service providers can’t work at full capacity because they don’t have the staff. Tell your sister that things have changed since the pandemic first hit. She may be able to find something if she looks again. Sometimes renewed motivation that is all that's needed to inspire someone who has lost confidence due to job loss.

Another important point during this period is to think outside of the box. Your sister’s way of earning a living may not be available right now, for a host of reasons. But it would help her resume if she would try to get a job of some kind, even if it’s temporary. What you can do is encourage her, tell her what you are learning about the job market and suggest that she try again now because things are different these days.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m almost 30. Most of my friends are in serious relationships or building their careers. But one of my friends is worrying me a lot. My friend’s girlfriend is way too young for him -- she’s 18, and he’s almost 27. I find this extremely off-putting. I’ve expressed to him a few separate times that their age difference is concerning. It’s time to man up, not date children. I have a sister his age, and I know this girl is too young for him. I want to get that point across to him, but he is not listening. Would it be wrong to cut him off because I disagree with their relationship? -- Grossed Out

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Legally, your friend is safe because his girlfriend is 18, but I have to agree that this age difference is significant at this time in their lives. Before you cut him off, though, try to talk to him once more. Remind him of your sister and how impressionable she was at that age. Point out that no matter how much fun he may be having with this young woman, she is at the very beginning of discovering who she is, while he should be at the point where it is time for him to get serious in his life. After this, step back. If he does not rethink this relationship, you can definitely cut him off.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)