Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I joined the workforce during the pandemic, so I’ve always worked remotely. After one year at my current company, I’m ready to move on to a different job. I do not want to give up the freedom that working remotely has given me. So far in my job search, I have had no luck finding the type of position that would allow me to work from home. I am wondering if I’d have better luck by expanding my search and looking for office jobs as well. Is it unrealistic of me to want to work from home post-pandemic? -- Want To Work From Home

DEAR WANT TO WORK FROM HOME: According to news reports, there should be plenty of jobs out there for you, given that many businesses say they cannot find enough employees to fill their openings. That said, it all depends on the industry in which you want to work and the new standards for that industry. You should start researching to figure that out. Look at the traditional job search sites and businesses in your field and specifically look for remote jobs.

There are companies out there that are willing to have flexible hours and remote work. You just have to find them. Look at company websites in your industry to learn of their policies. Research companies that interest you and reach out to their HR departments to learn if they are continuing work-from-home or the option of a hybrid workplace. You may be able to find the job of your dreams, or at least one that allows you to work from home for part of the week. Good luck!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I haven't really spoken to my extended family since I was in college. I'm in my 50s now and have two teenage children. I didn't want to introduce my children to my extended family for many reasons, but the biggest reason is that my extended family has a history of drug abuse. Is it wrong to keep my kids away from the side of my family that I’m not proud of? -- Extended Family

DEAR EXTENDED FAMILY: Most families have members who are troubled in one way or another. It wasn’t wrong of you to want to protect your children from them, but it may be time for them to meet. Test the waters. Before you introduce your children, reconnect with these family members yourself. Determine how stable they seem to be and whether you think you can have a meaningful exchange. Give your reentry into their lives some time. This will be new for everyone.

As you are getting to know your estranged family again, talk to your children about them. Let your kids know about these family members and explain your reluctance to expose them to these people. Compassionately let them know that you think everyone should meet but that it was hard for you growing up to deal with the drama of their drug abuse. It is reasonable that you wanted to shield them from that, even as you now acknowledge that they deserve to know their family.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom won’t stop throwing my stuff away. For years, my mother has not shown respect toward my personal belongings. She often uses my things without asking, loses them, and even takes it upon herself to give away the things that she feels that I do not need. I've asked her several times to simply ask me before throwing my stuff away, but she never does. This has been going on since I was a child. As a young adult, I still live with her as I am saving money to get my own place. I cannot afford to move just yet, but I desperately need her to respect me and my things. How should I handle this situation? -- Stop Touching My Stuff

DEAR STOP TOUCHING MY STUFF: Assess the belongings that you have in your mother’s house -- and yes, that’s what it is, even if you feel like it is your home. What can you put away for safekeeping? What would disturb you if it suddenly disappeared? Figure that out, and then invest in a trunk that you can lock. Put your valuables in that trunk and make sure that you put the key in a safe place. If your list of valuables will not readily fit into a trunk, consider renting a small storage unit in which you can store these items until you are able to move.

Of course, you should also speak to your mother again, this time as an adult. Thank her for allowing you to live with her while you get on your feet. Add that it continues to bother you tremendously that she rummages through your belongings and gives away your things without your blessing. Tell her that you consider that a violation of your personal space and ask her to stop.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have extreme anxiety when it comes to flying. Years ago, I read about a commercial plane crash, and I haven't been the same since. My friend recently offered to fly me to her hometown via an airline that has received hundreds of bad reviews for flight safety. I would love to see my friend, but I do not feel safe flying with the airline that she is offering to use. Should I tell my friend that I would prefer that she buy me a ticket on a different airline? I don't have the money to buy my own ticket, but I would pay the difference in the flight fare. -- Fear of Flying

DEAR FEAR OF FLYING: Talk to your friend. Remind her that you have a severe fear of flying and that as much as you want to visit her, you are having a hard time as you think about getting there. Thank her for offering to pay for your flight. Then tell her that you are uncomfortable with the airline that she has chosen. You have done your research and learned that this airline has hundreds of bad reviews. Ask her if she would be willing to apply the money that she was going to pay for your flight on that airline to another one, and you will pay the difference. Do note that she may have reward points with this airline that allow free or deeply discounted tickets. Find out what she is willing and able to offer toward the cost of another ticket. This will let you know if you will be able to take this trip.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I lived with my aunt and her husband over the summer. Every day that I was there, they made me feel unwelcome. They would make comments to me about not paying any bills. It got to the point where I cut my trip short because of how uncomfortable they both made me. Now that I’ve left, they are always asking me to come back and visit. They even asked me to visit them during Christmas, which I have never done before. What could this be about? I almost feel as if they’re gaslighting me. -- Unwelcome Guest

DEAR UNWELCOME GUEST: You may want to have a direct conversation with them. Ask them why they want you to come back to visit with them. Listen to their answers. Then tell them why you are confused. Point out that when you did stay with them, it was uncomfortable enough that you left early. Tell them that you do not understand what happened during your visit this summer. What you do know is that you did not enjoy your time there.

Tell them you love them and hope to see them again, but you do not plan on visiting any time soon. This is much easier said than done, I realize, as I say this to you. But what happens more often is for people to bite their tongues and endure the negativity -- especially if the challenges are coming from elders. Without being disrespectful, you can state your case so that your family knows that everything is not OK between you. If they choose to clear the air with you, maybe something great can come out of it. Otherwise, it’s fine for you to see them on occasion without staying with them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just found out that my girlfriend set up push notifications on her phone for every time I publish a tweet or a Facebook post. This means that when I post a status or a tweet, even when it has nothing to do with her, she’ll be notified. This was obviously something she didn’t want me to know about. I asked her about it, and she denied it and told me that she is notified whenever anyone posts anything (completely untrue). Should I be alarmed by this? It’s totally normal for her to want to view my page, but to be notified about every post just seems a bit extreme. -- GF Stalks My Page

DEAR GF STALKS MY PAGE: You two need to talk about your relationship and boundaries. Ask her why she wants to follow your every move on social media. Does she have reason to distrust you? If so, you may want to deal with that directly. If there is no legitimate reason for her to feel she has to check your actions, you need to find out why she would make this choice. Furthermore, you need to establish boundaries. Nobody wants to be stalked, even by a girlfriend. Ask her to stop. It’s OK for her to look at your posts without tracking you. If she refuses, you will need to reassess if this is the kind of relationship that you want to have.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)