DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my regulars at work is a little creepy, but he tips me well. He comes in every Wednesday and requests me as his server every single time. He refuses to have any other server in the restaurant. He has told the other waitstaff that the reason that he always requests me is because he has a crush on me. This man is an older gentleman, and he is usually respectful enough, but he won’t stop asking me personal questions and making flirty remarks while I am simply trying to do my job. The only reason I keep accepting him as a regular is because he tips well, and I need the money. Should I continue to serve this man? -- Need the Cash

DEAR NEED THE CASH: You work in the service industry, which requires you to be friendly and cordial to guests. As long as this man does not cross the line to make you feel unsafe or violated in some way, you should be able to safely serve him.

You do not need to answer all of his questions. One way to avoid the barrage of questions is to turn it back to him. When he starts with the questions, flip it back to him. Ask him to tell you about his life. Was he ever married? Does he have children? What type of work did or does he do? Where is he from? Get him to talk about himself. You will learn more about who he is, which may give you some peace of mind. But more, it will create a safer space for the two of you to be in. The focus will be less on you.

As far as the flirty comments go, let them roll off your back -- as long as they aren’t inappropriate. There is an art to doing your job, keeping the customers happy and maintaining your integrity. You can do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I had to hospitalize my daughter a few months ago due to psychiatric issues. She's been in and out of the hospital ever since; I honestly just can’t help her on my own. Every time she comes back from treatment, she acts as if I am her enemy. She tells me that it is my fault that she is sick and that she'll never forgive me for putting her in the hospital. She is so deep in her head that I honestly can't tell if she means what she says. If she's going to resent me more and more each time that I put her in the hospital, should I stop sending her there? -- I Mean Well

DEAR I MEAN WELL: Talk to your daughter’s medical team and get detailed, informed recommendations on how to care for her. If she is back and forth to the hospital like a revolving door, this solution clearly is not working long-term. Find out from her psychiatrist what the next steps could be for her treatment plan.

It may be that she needs to have long-term inpatient treatment right now, where she can work with professionals to help her get stabilized. If you are following the recommendations when your daughter comes home and it isn’t working, it is time for a new solution.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My new job has a much more laid-back work environment than I am used to. At the orientation, the higher-ups shared a number of important rules and guidelines with the new hires, but I seem to be the only employee who’s following them. My co-workers seem to do whatever they want at all times, and they rarely meet sales goals. The environment is definitely hurting my productivity at work. I am a hard worker, and I always want to do a good job -- regardless of what others have going on. I'm starting to think that maybe I'm at the wrong company. What should I do? -- Hard Worker

DEAR HARD WORKER: Compete with yourself to remain productive and proactive. Establish goals for yourself based on the company guidelines and your understanding of what productivity means there. Don’t brag about your plans. Instead, focus on getting the work done.

You will also need to establish rapport with your co-workers. While you may consider them unproductive, being part of the team is an important component to a positive work experience. Observe how they get along, and figure out ways that you can interact meaningfully with them while still getting your work done. All of this will keep you so busy that you should stay motivated, at least in the short term.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee has completely taken the lead on planning our wedding, and she doesn’t seem to care about my opinions at all. Planning our wedding has been extremely stressful, and we’ve argued regularly because of our conflicting opinions.

My fiancee won’t let me have input on anything -- not even the type of food that we serve. I know that it will be her special day, but it will be my special day, too. How can I tell her what I want without causing an argument? -- Newly Engaged

DEAR NEWLY ENGAGED: Wedding planning is stressful almost always. I’m sorry this is your experience, but you do not need to acquiesce. Schedule a meeting with your fiancee and ask her to give you a chance to air your thoughts and feelings. Explain that you are looking forward to this wedding as much as she is, and you want to be involved in the planning. Acknowledge that she may have had a dream of designing her wedding since she was little. That’s fine. Let her know that you, too, have a dream for your wedding day. Put your foot down and make it clear that you are not OK with her taking over entirely. Tell her the things you want to be a part of, including food tastings, decor, music and whatever else you fancy.

You may also want to enlist the support of a marriage counselor. Engaged couples are advised to do this anyway, so that you can sort through your ideas about marriage, family and overall values. You can include talking about shared responsibilities for your wedding and your life. Your fiancee’s controlling behavior around the wedding could point to similar behavior in the future. I recommend that you talk through this and determine a way forward that is more inclusive of both of your voices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My siblings and I went months without speaking to each other because of money issues. We didn’t get into a dramatic fight or anything; we just had an uncomfortable discussion that resulted in months of silence. We recently saw each other at a family gathering, and it was as if nothing had ever happened. Things weren’t awkward, and we were just happy to see each other. It seems we’ve all moved on, but we never resolved the issues or even addressed them when we made up. Should we ever address our issues, or should we just leave everything in the past? -- Elephant in the Room

DEAR ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM: Money issues have a way of resurfacing at the worst moments, such as when an elder or other family member passes away. It is wise to address the elephant in the room. Since the discussion was heated the last time you attempted it, consider bringing in a neutral mediator, someone who has no allegiance to any one of you. Ideally, you should invite a financial professional to come in and talk you through your issues and help you to determine a way forward.

The invitation to that meeting should be handled carefully. Let your family members know that you want to get together and talk. Share the topic in advance so that it doesn’t feel like an ambush. Then make it clear that you want to work together to resolve your issues. This meeting has been scheduled out of love and respect for each other.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine moved into her own place in December 2021. I’ve been to her home twice since she’s moved in, and both times her house smelled strange. I asked her what the smell was, and she was completely unaware of it. I am very sensitive to certain smells, and I can't stand being in that house for more than 30 minutes at a time. She's been trying to get me to come over again lately, and I’m running out of excuses. Should I be honest with her and tell her that I can’t stand the smell of her house? I know that the right thing to do would be to tell her the truth, but I am not sure if the smell is truly unbearable or if it is just my sensitivity. -- Smell Sensitivity

DEAR SMELL SENSITIVITY: This is a tough one. You know that commercial that talks about being “nose blind”? That’s what you are talking about. Home care specialists have identified that homes can take on certain smells based on the cleanliness, the items stored there, the smell of the inhabitant(s) and more.

It probably will hurt your friend’s feelings, but if you have run out of reasons, you can tell her. Preface the conversation by saying that you know yourself, and you are extremely sensitive to smells. Tell her you think you may be allergic to something in her home. You have had a reaction to it each time you have visited. As much as you want to see her, unfortunately, it just can’t be in that environment.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)