DEAR HARRIETTE: I ran into my ex-boyfriend from college recently at an informal school reunion. It was awkward primarily because we had a horrible breakup. He was physically abusive to me, plus he was a cheater. I found out all of this at the end. Even after I discovered all of things he had done that were unforgivable, he still tried to get me to come back to him. It was disgusting.

When I saw him after all these years, the memories came flooding back. Then, as we chatted in a small group with other people, I learned that he has a daughter who would have been born soon after the time we were dating. I always knew he cheated, but here is living proof of all the lies he told me. He tried to create a way for us to get together to talk more as this event was ending. I stepped away. I don’t see how any good can come of us rehashing the past. He seemed eager to make amends. Should I make time to meet with him? -- Blast From the Past

DEAR BLAST FROM THE PAST: Do not feel required to reopen that door. Clearly, you were hurt deeply by this man’s behavior. You have no obligation to revisit the pain of your past. It is good that this man wants to make amends, but you do not have to allow him to force his confessional on you. Hopefully you did not share your contact information with him. If he finds you on social media, you can either block him or respond and tell him that you are not interested in engaging with him in any way, either now or in the future. And leave it at that. He does not deserve your embrace.

DEAR HARRIETTE: All of my friends are doing better than me. I had a child when I was very young and had to stop going to college for a few years. Eventually, I went back and got my degree and have a decent career, but my friends are doing amazing. They are all professionals making the big bucks. Some are married, and some have kids. All of them are thriving. Me, I’m barely scraping by. My son is doing amazing, though. He is much older than my friends’ kids. I put my everything into him, and I am so proud, but when it comes to me, I’m a work in progress. How do I get together with them and talk about my life without seeming like a failure? -- Missing the Mark

DEAR MISSING THE MARK: Stop comparing yourself to others. Everybody makes choices, including you. You are living by your choices today, and that’s fine. If you were to look deeply into your friends’ lives, you would be guaranteed to find a range of experiences, complications, triumphs and tragedies. That’s life. You may not have as much money as some of these people, but you have other things. Start counting your blessings. What are you grateful for? What brings you joy? Focus on those things now and when you are in your friends’ company.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to an in-person event recently where I met some of my colleagues for the first time. We have been working together for more than a year, but primarily on Zoom. It was weird seeing each other in the flesh. Even the most well-meaning of the bunch kept making comments about how people looked, not having realized someone is so tall or so short.

In my case, nobody said it outright, but I know they were thinking they didn’t realize I was so big. I have a small head, but my body is round -- and I only got rounder during those two years of sitting around staring into a screen. I am very self-conscious about my size. The fact that people looked at me and didn’t say anything oddly made me feel more nervous. I already don’t feel comfortable in my skin. Being around them only made it worse. It looks like we'll be spending more time together. How can I get over my insecurities? -- Overweight

DEAR OVERWEIGHT: Please know that it is likely that most of your colleagues are dealing with their own insecurities about seeing one another for the first time. Being evaluated and judged based on how you look affects most people. Because we humans tend to be mainly focused on ourselves, trust that your colleagues are spending more time thinking about their own stuff than yours.

Next, instead of worrying about what they think about you, take care of yourself. What can you do today that can help you to be healthier and happier tomorrow? Stop obsessing about the condition you are currently in, and plan for your future. Add more water to your diet. Begin to move a little each day. Invigorate yourself toward self-care. Over time, you will begin to feel better, and you will worry less about what others think about you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband's job required us to relocate to a city where I don’t know anyone. I am incredibly lonely, and my only real friend in the city is my husband. He has cultivated some great relationships with his co-workers and has basically built a whole new circle of male friends out here, which has made me feel even lonelier. How do I stop being completely dependent on my husband for friendship during this time? I work remotely and don’t have the luxury of hanging out with co-workers outside of work. -- New City

DEAR NEW CITY: Remind yourself of extracurricular things you liked to do before the move. Then find them in your new city. Do you enjoy any hobbies? Join a club that does that, like a crafts group, creative writing group or book club. Visit a museum, attend a cooking class or go bowling. Find something that interests you that meets in person on a regular basis. It is important for you to find your own footing in your town and not be too clingy to your husband. It will take some effort for you to go out and do things, especially since you work from home. You can do it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am renting a room from a single mother with two kids. I live in a bedroom on the opposite side of the house with my own bathroom. Most of the time I do not even see the children or their mother because of our schedules. The kids leave for school at 7 a.m., and I am up for work by 9 a.m. Lately, when I return from work, I notice small things in my bedroom and bathroom are out of place. I've gone so far as to take pictures of how everything looked before I left just to make the comparison. It’s safe to say that someone in the house is touching my things, and I’m assuming it’s the children. How do I handle this without sounding too confrontational? -- Don’t Touch

DEAR DON’T TOUCH: Talk to your landlord. Ask her to put locks on your doors. Kindly explain that you have noticed that things are out of place in your private spaces, and you imagine that the children’s curiosity has led them into your bedroom and bathroom. Knowing that kids will be kids, you understand their urge to check out your space, but you want it to be off-limits. A simple lock on your doors can solve that.

Don’t accuse the children of doing anything bad. They are likely just looking around. If the mom says she is certain this isn’t happening, tell her about the photos you took to prove it to yourself. Show her, if needed. Either way, get the locks.

DEAR HARRIETTE: During the height of the pandemic, my husband smoked weed every single day from morning to night. It drove me crazy having that smell wafting through my apartment every day. It died down a few months ago, but now it’s back. It starts at 6 or 7 a.m. Before I get out of bed, I can smell that pungent odor. I am no prude. I get that he likes his weed, but I think it’s outrageous that he smokes the moment he wakes up and then all day long whenever he’s at home. How can I get him to curb his habit? -- Weed Hours

DEAR WEED HOURS: Appeal to his community spirit. Remind your husband that his incessant smoking was upsetting to your household during the pandemic. Tell him how disturbed you were to wake up to the smell of weed on a regular basis. Tell him how disappointed you were to discover that he is back to his old patterns. Ask him to reconsider when he smokes. Plead with him to keep the morning smoke-free. Explain how upsetting it is for you to wake up to the smell of weed before you even open your eyes. Ask him to treat weed like he would a drink. Reserve its use until after hours, after the workday is done.

Sadly, I doubt that he will comply, but it’s worth it to ask.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)