DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm facing a significant and unexpected challenge in my marriage, and I could use some guidance. My husband and I have been happily married for over a year, and I believed our connection was strong. Recently, I decided to surprise him by securing a job on the East Coast, where he's located, as I missed being near him. However, when I broke the news to him, I was met with a response I didn't anticipate: He was not excited. In fact, he was upset and suggested that I stay where I am. This reaction has raised a massive red flag for me since I don’t know what this means for our marriage. I am excited about this new job because it’s going to be at an accredited university. However, I am alarmed by my husband’s reaction, and I don’t want to face what lies ahead. What should I do? -- Long-Distance Marriage

DEAR LONG-DISTANCE MARRIAGE: Did you and your husband talk about what your life will look like over time? You are in a long-distance marriage, but how long did you expect it to stay like that? Why do you live in different cities? Do you visit him where he lives? Could he possibly be living a double life? You should have a thousand questions, and you need to get them all answered.

It is also odd to surprise him with a move. That is a big deal and should be part of your conversation as a couple. Communication is key to having a successful marriage. You two need to be face to face and talk through everything. I think you should make an emergency trip to where he lives so you can get a gauge on his life there and find out what your future holds. Even if you don’t stay with him, you should take that job if you really want it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made a new friend at work, but after spending more time with her, I realized that she is very clingy and needy toward me. This is something I have never experienced before, and it's starting to become too much for me to handle. She confided in me that she had lost friends in the past, and most of them stopped talking to her without any explanation. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I need to establish some boundaries. How can I be honest with her without making her feel bad or causing any unnecessary conflict? -- Needy Friend

DEAR NEEDY FRIEND: Perhaps your gift to this woman should be honesty. Rather than walking away in silence, talk to her and tell her that you may know why others have done that: Her clinginess is overbearing. While you like her and have enjoyed her friendship, you already see that she needs more than you have to give. Tell her you need to take a break from her for now. Gently suggest that she consider therapy to help her work through her friendship challenges.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been engaged for almost two years now, but my fiance and I have different views about how we should celebrate our wedding. While he wants a grand celebration, I would prefer to have a simple ceremony at the courthouse and an intimate party later. My fiance is used to a lavish lifestyle, and although he's good at saving money, I grew up in a middle-class family and believe in careful planning and not wasting money. I feel that spending a lot of money on a wedding is wasteful and that the money would be better used toward buying a home. I'm not sure if I should compromise and give in to his wishes or try to convince him that saving money would be a better investment for our future. Please help! -- Conflicts of Love

DEAR CONFLICTS OF LOVE: Many people dream about their wedding celebration starting from childhood. Because the images are often deeply rooted, it can be hard to consider alternative ways of approaching the actual event when it comes. You and your fiance dream differently. This is just one of many things that you will have to talk through and negotiate in your marriage. Compromise is key. You want such different things for your big day, you will both need to concede something. Talk through your goals and dreams for your life together. Back into the wedding costs by talking about the big picture first. What type of house do you want? Create a timeline for when you would like to buy it. Decide on how much money you will save monthly toward that purchase. What types of vacations will you want to take, and how often? Discuss values and goals.

When it comes to the wedding, be willing to consider the middle ground, perhaps a small ceremony at a nice venue, not the courthouse. Perhaps a small reception could be your compromise, or a larger, more casual party in the summer. Talk it out and agree to create a shared vision for your launch into married life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a recent college graduate, and I'm feeling pretty lost about my future. In college, I was dead set on getting into corporate finance because, well, I wanted the financial security it promised. With the way inflation's going, I'm grateful for the income, but the truth is, I'm really not enjoying my job at the bank. I find myself dreading going into the office. I chose this path because I didn't want to end up in a low-paying field, but I've come to realize that money alone isn't making me happy. The work I'm doing feels empty and pointless, and I need some guidance on how to figure out what I really want to do and how to make it happen. It feels so daunting making a career switch. Will I have to go back to college? Will I have to take a pay cut? -- Time for Change

DEAR TIME FOR CHANGE: If it’s not the right fit, you shouldn’t stay. Do some research to determine what you want to do and what is required to do it. Find out if you know anyone in the field you’re thinking of who can help you get an audience with a potential employer. Save your money now in case you do have to take a pay cut soon. Create a timeline for making your move, and go for it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who constantly borrows money from me and our other friends, but she always tries not to pay it back. It’s very sneaky and calculated. I brought it up to my group of friends, and they brushed it off and made excuses for her, making me look like a jerk.

She recently owed my friend $200 for a trip we took to Chicago, and she tried to get away without paying her back. I don’t think that it was unintentional because it’s hard to forget that type of money as a college student. She also tried to avoid paying me back $50 for her groceries recently.

I realized she never has money for the important things because she spends all the money she has on things like clothes and restaurants. Next time she asks for money, I’m tempted to say no, but I don’t want to risk my friends thinking that I’m trying to be hurtful toward her. What should I do? -- No More Free Money

DEAR NO MORE FREE MONEY: Stop worrying about what your friends think. There is no rule that says you have to finance your friend’s life. It’s one thing to help someone out every now and then, and it’s quite another to become their primary source of income. Just say no the next time she asks you for money. You can say you don’t have it, or a simple no will suffice. If she pushes you and wants to know why, tell her the truth -- she never pays you back, and you can no longer be her bank.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been married for three years to a wonderful person I adore. However, we've been having a recurring issue that's causing tension in our relationship. It's my in-laws. They are nice people, but they often overstep boundaries and make me feel uncomfortable.

Last week, my mother-in-law walked into our house. I was taken aback because all the doors were locked; however, there she was in our kitchen with some cookies she had baked. I appreciated the baked goods, but I was confused as to how she got in because my husband was sitting next to me the entire time. I asked how she got into our house, and she said that my husband had given her a spare key. I do not feel comfortable with this, even if it’s to do good deeds. How can I navigate this delicate situation without harming my relationship with my spouse? -- No Boundaries

DEAR NO BOUNDARIES: You and your husband have to establish ground rules for how you engage with your families. Ask your husband why he gave his mother a key to your house and why he didn’t tell you. Explain to him that you love his mother, but you were taken aback to see her in your kitchen without warning. This is awkward, but the two of you need to establish boundaries for how others, including his mother, enter your home. You may broach it by asking her to please use the key in case of emergency only. Otherwise, you would like to know in advance that she’s coming and when she arrives. Ringing the bell will solve that problem.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)