Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband is an entrepreneur. Over the past five years or so, his company has really taken off, and I couldn’t be happier for him. Although his professional life is thriving, he rarely has any spare time, and taking a vacation has been off the table for the past year. I love my husband, and I want to continue to show support, but I also want to have quality time with him. How do I tell him that I miss being with him without sounding like I am unsupportive or a nag? -- Missing My Husband

DEAR MISSING MY HUSBAND: Yes, you should talk to your husband. Celebrate him for all that he is doing to make his business successful. Let him know you are proud of him. At the same time, tell him that you miss him. Be clear that you need him to carve out some time for the two of you. Suggest weekly or biweekly date nights -- even if they take place at home. Bring up the idea of a vacation. You might start with a weekend getaway. If he brushes you off, insist that you must do something. You need to spend more time with him. Get him to make this a priority. Ask him to add you to his calendar if need be.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am very close to someone I used to have a thing with years ago. We started as good friends, became something more, then went back to being close friends. We give each other advice on relationships and everything, but at the same time, I always thought that we could become serious. Now we’re in completely different places in our lives, and he recently got out of a serious relationship and needs a friend. I want to be as helpful as I can, but his ex brainwashed him in many ways, so it is hard to get through to him. Our values used to be so in line; however, now I have no clue where we stand. It is weird for me to consistently give him advice when I do not agree with a lot of his current life goals and I feel our connection drifting. Do I address this with him now or just be there for him as much as I can? -- Ex Advice

DEAR EX ADVICE: If possible, have a face-to-face meeting with your friend. Prepare to share your thoughts and feelings without dumping too much on him. Since you talk a lot and he has told you about his ex, note that some of the ideas he has mentioned sound exactly like the ex, and it concerns you. Get him to talk about that a bit so you have a sense of where his head is. If you think there is room for him to really see you now, tell him that you know he is suffering and you want to help him through this tough time. Admit that you also have long thought there might be a future for the two of you. Ask him if he has had those thoughts. If so, agree to keep your future on the back burner. At least you both will have acknowledged the possibility. I would not jump into a relationship with him right now, though. Rebounds rarely last.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I sent the wrong text to a gym buddy, and now I am sure that she thinks I like her more than I do. I met a really nice girl at the gym, and although we have not gone on a formal date, we have grabbed a bite to eat together after working out. We flirt a lot.

At the same time, I have an old classmate that I see more often. We do fun things together like going to the movies, bowling and even horseback riding. I am the worst multitasker ever, and in my attempt to do too much at once, I sent a text intended for my old classmate to my gym buddy, asking her if she wants to go to a steakhouse opening in our area. I didn’t notice the mistake until she responded saying, “Absolutely!” I have to tell her that the text was not for her, but I don’t know how to let her down gently. -- Let Her Down Easy

DEAR LET HER DOWN EASY: You made a mistake, but are you 100% sure you don’t want to pursue anything with this woman? If so, you can tell her you made an honest mistake and intended to send that invitation to someone else. If, however, you would like to get to know her, why not see what happens? The restaurant opening is bound to be a lot of fun. On the flip side, if you want to deepen your relationship with your old classmate, now may be the time to put your stake in the ground. Apologize to the gym friend for the mistake. Make sure she knows you do like her, even as you didn’t mean to invite her to dinner; instead, invite the woman you’ve been spending time with, and commit to seeing where that relationship is headed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m an overprotective mom, and it is taking up all of my time. I have three kids, ages 3, 6 and 9. The world is so unpredictable that I have to make sure that my children are safe at all times. I put AirTags in their backpacks to track them on my phone. I have set restrictions on all of their electronic devices to limit what content they see. I stay for the duration of any events that aren’t school- or sports-related just to make sure they are OK. This includes birthday parties at our neighbor’s house, play dates and even when they do activities with relatives. I have no time for myself anymore. I don’t want to smother my kids, and I don’t want to spend all of my time constantly worrying. I know as a parent it is my job to keep my children safe, but how much is too much? -- Helicopter Mom

DEAR HELICOPTER MOM: Take a breath and pause. You cannot be everywhere all the time for your children. Teach your children how to make smart choices. Demonstrate safe, healthy behavior, and choose adults you trust to leave them with. Which relatives are attentive? Which friends’ parents are trustworthy? Notice when other parents leave, and follow their lead. Your older children should be OK without you in some circumstances. Same for the 3-year-old -- with proper supervision. Make sure conditions are as safe as possible, and begin to step back. Everyone will benefit.

By the way, accidents happen. You can’t prevent your children from experiencing life. Keep breathing, and try to enjoy the ride.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage granddaughter, who is a junior in high school, and I are going through a period of disagreement. It seems like we can't see eye to eye on anything lately. We used to have a close and open relationship, but now it feels strained. We are politically divided, and she resents me for where I fall on the political spectrum. I want to find a way to bridge the gap and rebuild our connection. How can I approach my granddaughter to have an open and honest conversation about our differences without further escalating the tension? I want to understand her perspective and work toward finding common ground. -- Chasm

DEAR CHASM: Young people typically go through a lot of physical and emotional growth during their teenage years. They can get dug in about their values and be hostile toward anyone who doesn’t share their beliefs. What they need is validation that they have the right to their own ideas, even as you remind them that you get to have yours, too.

Make sure your granddaughter feels heard. Acknowledge that she has strong ideas, and encourage her to do research to learn more about her side of whatever the issues are as well as those of the opposing side. Remind her that the beauty of this country is that we are supposed to be able to voice our opinions -- no matter what they are, and feel safe. Tell her that you hope the two of you can reach a safe and healthy space to air your beliefs, explore your differences and continue to love each other. You can also decide to table certain conversations when you recognize that you will never agree.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has never been big on celebrating the holidays. He does participate in them to appease me, but he shows little initiative or excitement when doing holiday-related tasks like decorating, wrapping gifts, choosing Christmas cards, etc. This is our first Christmas together as a married couple, and I want it to be super special, but if I am the only one in the Christmas spirit, I’d rather not force him to enjoy it. Should I try to make our first Christmas as a married couple one to remember, or should I just take it easy and relax because I’m not sure if he’ll appreciate my effort? -- Christmas Spirit

DEAR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT: Talk to your husband and make sure he knows how much you enjoy the holiday season. Tell him what you like to do, and ask him if he will participate in any of it with you. Do not try to force him. Instead, learn his comfort zone and honor that. You should continue with what you enjoy with gusto. Perhaps you can invite a girlfriend or a few other family members over to help you decorate. As you grow together as a couple, you will discover how to balance out each other’s preferences and interests. You don’t have to enjoy everything equally. It is good when you make space for each other to be together without the pressure to be identical in your desires or interests.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)