DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, I discovered that my sister had gotten engaged, but not from my sister directly. Instead, I had to find out from our mom, three weeks after the fact. As someone who shares a close bond with my sister, I couldn't help but feel blindsided by her decision to keep such significant news from me. While I understand that everyone has their own way of sharing personal milestones, I can't shake the feeling of disappointment and exclusion.

I had always imagined being there to celebrate this special moment in my sister's life, and the fact that I was left out of the loop has me questioning the strength of our relationship. I always thought that we were pretty close, but it turns out I may be wrong. She is 27, and I am 29. We grew up together, going through the same stages at similar times. I live in North Dakota, and she lives in South Dakota, so we don't live that far apart, either. Should I address my feelings with my sister, or is it better to let it go and focus on moving forward positively? -- Snubbed

DEAR SNUBBED: Start out by contacting your sister and congratulating her on her engagement. Let her tell you whatever she wants to share about it, and do your best to be genuinely happy that she has made the commitment to build a life with her partner. When you feel that she has finished sharing her news, you might ask her why she did not tell you herself. Listen for her answer. Give her space to fill in the blank and don't jump in quickly to say something if there is an awkward moment.

You can then tell her that it hurt your feelings that she didn’t tell you about her engagement herself. Ask her if she has any issues with you that you may not know about. Who knows what’s going on? Sibling dynamics can be complicated, and it may not even be about you. This could be your time to talk about any friction that may be dormant in your relationship. If she brushes it off, let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to add another suggestion to your reply to "Dependent Brother," whose brother repeatedly asks for financial help. There are members of my family who ask me for financial assistance. I, too, have given them loans and have never been paid back. Now, I still help them, but without making it a loan. I pay the bill (the reason for the ask) directly. I get the company's name, the account number and any other details needed. I contact the company and make a payment for the asker. That way I know that there will be heat or water in the house, etc., and the money won't be used frivolously. -- This Bank Is Closed

DEAR THIS BANK IS CLOSED: What a perfect solution! Being able to help a loved one out of a tough financial situation without wondering how your money is being spent can create necessary peace of mind. It means your family member won't ever be tempted to be dishonest about their situation, inflate their needs or divert funds.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A while back, there was a benefit held for a person who has cancer. A generous sum was raised by friends and relatives who collected items from donors. The collected items were sold, as were baked goods and other foods, and there were raffles and other games.

My question is this: What is the etiquette surrounding the spouse of the party receiving the money? For example: The spouse in question posted pictures on Facebook of herself with friends drinking at bars, touring and drinking at wineries, etc. While the benefit was being planned, said spouse posted on Facebook that she and a friend were going to another state for a 5- or 6-day trip! The day before the benefit, said spouse went out to eat with out-of-town guests staying at their house. The spouse paid for all of her guests’ dinners. Really? This just seems wrong to me. What are your thoughts? -- Don’t Understand

DEAR DON’T UNDERSTAND: The optics don’t seem good, and I can see why the spouse’s actions rubbed you the wrong way. Step back for a moment, though, and consider that perhaps the spouse’s actions weren’t as awful as they seemed. When a benefit is held, money must be spent to make the event happen. Large donors are often courted for their contributions. You’ve probably heard the saying "You have to spend money to make money." It could be that the contributions some of those people made were more significant than the amount spent entertaining them. Indeed, this is often why galas are held. People get dressed up, spend lots of money on tickets and have a great time as they are wined and dined in exchange for opening their checkbooks.

That doesn’t change the fact that boasting about fun, expensive activities with people at the very time that you are trying to raise money for such a serious cause can seem insensitive. If you feel strongly enough about this, speak to the spouse. Check in to see how she is doing and how the person with cancer is doing. If it seems appropriate, mention that it troubled some people to see how much money they seemed to be spending on entertainment at the very time when others were sacrificing to raise money for the sick spouse. You can tell her that her self-indulgence wasn't a good look.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have another suggestion to offer to "Loving Aunt," who has been paying tuition for her autistic nephew's specialized education. Title IX is a federal law that guarantees a free and appropriate education to every child attending public schools. I assume that the nephew was previously in a public school and that the school stated that he needed a different educational setting. If so, this additional information may be helpful.

If the public school system cannot meet his educational needs (and went so far as to suggest an alternative), then that public school system is required under Title IX to cover the specialized schooling tuition for Loving Aunt's nephew.

I'm not certain about the laws in individual states, and some laws have changed since I retired from teaching, but Title IX is a federal law that protects all students.

I hope the aunt does speak to her cousin about his unnecessary personal luxury spending, but in the meantime, an attorney (or free legal aid program) could provide good advice about how to keep her nephew in his much-needed educational setting at no cost to his family -- including transportation.

Best of luck to Loving Aunt and her nephew! -- Retired Teacher

DEAR RETIRED TEACHER AND THE MANY OTHERS WHO RESPONDED TO LOVING AUNT: Thank you for sharing this important information about how to educate this child properly and fairly. It is great to know that there are programs out there to protect our most vulnerable children, even when their parents are irresponsible.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: As an aspiring writer, I often wonder how one truly finds their voice in writing. I had a shaky childhood where I was exposed to alcohol and drug abuse, parental cheating issues and overall poverty. I am in a better place now, but every now and then, when the topic of the past is being discussed, I find myself crying randomly. Do writers need to be completely transparent about their own personal stories? I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do that. -- Aspiring Writer

DEAR ASPIRING WRITER: To become an excellent writer, you must learn how to tell stories in vivid detail that are founded on facts and context. You do not have to share everything you write with the public, though. You may want to start writing a journal where you explore your past and how you feel about certain things that occurred as you were growing up. Give yourself permission to go deep into those stories. Be as honest and forthright as you can so that you get to the core of your truth. Password-protect your stories so that they are safe from unwelcome eyes.

Those precious stories can remain private or be shared at some point in the future. What you will gain by writing them down now is practice at accessing the truth. You can use that same probing to write about anything, fact or fiction. Work hard to find the words to get to the core of a topic. Do whatever research is necessary to provide full context for the subject and search for words and phrases that bring the subject to life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend's subtle comments about my weight are beginning to bother me. While I don't want to show that his remarks affect me, they do hurt. Is there a way for me to address this issue with him without coming across as overly sensitive? I want to find a way to communicate my feelings and set boundaries regarding his comments without causing unnecessary tension in our relationship. -- Mid-Size Problem

DEAR MID-SIZE PROBLEM: I’m sure that my recommendations are a lot easier for me to say than for you to execute, but hear me out. Your boyfriend is being insensitive, and you have to tell him. Because he is picking at an area of extreme sensitivity for you, it is understandable that you hesitate to bring it up, but it is necessary for your self-esteem and for the future of your relationship that you address his comments.

Tell your boyfriend you need to have a serious conversation with him. Sit down and acknowledge that it bothers you when he makes comments about your weight. You know what you weigh and what your body is like. You do not need or appreciate him reminding you. Ask him to stop. You can elaborate by telling him whatever you are doing to support your health. You can tell him specific things that you would like him to do to support you toward that goal. Be crystal clear about your boundaries regarding his “subtle” commentary.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)