DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently took me on a trip to California, and I was under the impression that he was covering the expenses. He planned the entire trip, booked the flights, made the accommodations and even organized our daily activities. At no point during the planning or the trip itself did he mention that I would need to reimburse him for any of the costs. We had a fantastic time exploring California together, visiting various attractions, dining at nice restaurants and staying in comfortable hotels.
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I truly appreciated the effort he put into making the trip special, and I was grateful for what I believed was his generous gesture. However, upon our return, I was completely blindsided when he sent me a $2,000 Venmo request. The request included charges for food, accommodations, flights and everything else he had paid for during the trip. I was shocked and confused, as this was the first time he mentioned that I would need to pay him back for any of it. Is it reasonable for me to feel upset about this, and what can I do to avoid such misunderstandings in the future? -- Unclear Expectations
DEAR UNCLEAR EXPECTATIONS: Right now, you need to talk to your boyfriend about this $2,000 request. Tell him you assumed he was paying for the vacation as he never consulted with you about what you were going to do or how much anything cost. You realize that the two of you should have talked about the trip in detail, especially the cost of it, but you did not. Tell him you are unprepared to pay that much money, even as you do think it’s reasonable that you should contribute something to the cost of the trip. Agree on an amount that you can pay. In the future, talk through everything in advance, including who will be paying, so that you go into the situation with your eyes wide open.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)