DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I only have one friend I grew up with who I’ve stayed close to all my life. I have known and loved her family like my own, especially when they let me crash at their house a lot when my parents were going through a bad divorce.

My friend’s youngest sister just moved out of the house and my friend told me her mom started acting strange since just before she and her husband became empty nesters. Now I hear she has been reacting to her husband’s affair with a woman from his gym. The way my friend tells it, her dad started up with the woman when her mom started getting sad and obsessing about all the kids leaving them. That’s around when her mom and dad started doing most things apart, and they had always been the kind of couple who loved doing things together.

My friend is pissed-off with her dad, but she says she understands how he was feeling lonely with her mom acting as she was.

I don’t think she should let him off so easy. I told her so and said next time I’m in town I am going to say something about it to his face. He is married to a great woman, who happens to be going through some hard things. That doesn’t give him an excuse to cheat on her. Don’t you agree he needs to hear that? --- NOT A GOOD HUSBAND

DEAR NOT A GOOD HUSBAND: Sadly, extra-marital affairs happen, causing a ripple effect that extends far beyond those directly involved.

While I applaud your loyalty to your friend and her mom, it doesn’t give you the right or the obligation to push into what’s happening within their family.

My advice to you is to focus on supporting your friend, and let her parents work through whatever comes next for them.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: My sister-in-law is always complaining about how hard it is to get clothes for her nine-year-old daughter that aren’t “slutty.” I agree a lot of what is out there is adult and not very kid looking.

I picked up a bunch of back-to-school outfits for my niece that seemed age-appropriate and practical.

I get to my brother’s house nearly every week after I get off work, usually right around when the kids are getting off the bus, and I have yet to see anything I gave her being worn by my niece.

Do you think her mother or my niece is to blame for rejecting my clothes? I was thinking of getting her a few more things for when the weather gets cooler, but I do not want to waste my time or my money if they aren’t going to be worn. --- SEEMED RIGHT TO ME

DEAR SEEMED RIGHT TO ME: While I can’t say why your niece isn’t wearing the clothing you gave her, I will suggest that moving forward rather than making best-intentioned guesses, it would be far better to directly ask your sister-in-law and niece what’s still needed as she settles into the school year.

Kids your niece’s age often like to decide for themselves what works best for them. Perhaps instead of clothing, you could help out by covering any outstanding required or desired school supplies or accessories (binders, folders, computer sleeve/cover, etc.), which your niece can tailor to her own tastes.

DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: A long time ago my husband had a huge falling out with his family. They are all about money, status, and appearances and he is into standing on his own and making his way in the world, regardless of being ultra-rich or successful.

We found out his favorite Auntie, one of the only people in the family who stood up for him when he made decisions the rest of them did not like, died just after Labor Day. No one bothered to reach out to him to let him know about her death. He would most certainly have attended her funeral, even though it would have meant seeing a lot of people who hate him and never hesitate to let him know how they feel. We found out about her passing from an old neighbor of his aunt’s we ran into not long after the funeral.

My husband is not obnoxious or a criminal or in any way a bad person. The family he used to care about has deeply hurt him just because he does not want to live their life.

What gives any family the right to block out one of their own just because that person does not follow their rules? How is that even a real family? --- WIFE OF SHUT OUT

DEAR WIFE OF SHUT OUT: It’s never good to hear these kinds of stories about the ugly side of family politics, and in too many cases there are those families set on punishing members who disappoint them in some way.

Whether not notifying your husband of his aunt’s death was done vindictively or merely out of a habit of non-communication, it’s unfortunate your husband wasn’t allowed to pay his respects to someone he cared for.

Estrangement takes a toll on everyone involved. At some point, if that point hasn’t already come, in order for your husband to move past the pain of his family’s treatment of him, my guess is he’ll make a difficult decision about whether it will help him more to attempt to close the chasm or to accept the rupture is permanent.