DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m 19, and I was invited to a close friend’s major milestone birthday party. Initially, I agreed to go, but I’ve since learned that the theme is “sexy Hollywood.” The mood board my friend created and feels strongly about features tight, skimpy skirts and bralettes, which I’m not comfortable wearing. I prefer more low-key events and feel overwhelmed by the extravagant nature of this theme. I don’t want to upset my friend or mess up our friendship, but I also need to stay true to myself. How can I back out of the invite while still showing that I appreciate being asked? -- Party Theme Dilemma

DEAR PARTY THEME DILEMMA: Yes, your friend created a mood board to express her vision for her big birthday party. That does not mean you have to take it literally. Have you ever been to a Halloween party where some people didn’t actually wear costumes but only added a little touch as a nod to the season? It happens all the time. Rather than bow out of your friend’s party, select something to wear that reflects your (less-revealing) vision of sexy Hollywood. Put that on and go to the event. You can make an appearance, show your friend that you support her and duck out if you feel uncomfortable.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently hosted a housewarming party after moving from my small apartment to a new house, a transition I'd anticipated for months. I put a lot of effort into planning this event, sending out invites to about 30 people a month in advance, including close friends, colleagues and even a few neighbors I've started to get to know. I prepared food and drinks and even set up some fun activities to make the evening special. However, to my surprise and disappointment, only three people showed up. I couldn't help but feel disheartened.

I am a 27-year-old single woman, and it feels like a huge accomplishment to buy a house by myself, but the turnout at my party has left me questioning a lot of things. Did I do something wrong? Is there something about me that drives people away? Or was it just bad timing? How do I move forward from this without feeling like it was a personal failure? -- Party Fail

DEAR PARTY FAIL: I’m so sorry that this happened to you. I can only imagine how bewildering it must feel. I have a few practical questions. Did you follow up after sending out the invitation a month in advance? I ask that because people have such short attention spans these days, some of your guests may have forgotten about your party. Did you schedule it on a day that was particularly busy? Did you talk to your friends about your move, how excited you were and how honored you would be to share it with them? Did you possibly brag too much about your new purchase? Were the people you invited truly close to you, or were they really just acquaintances?

It’s worth contemplating these questions to get a sense of why so few people showed up. Don’t belabor it, though. It is time to turn the page and build your life. If any of the no-shows chooses to tell you why they didn’t come, listen, but don’t ask them. Live your life.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m starting to feel uneasy about my relationship with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for about a year now, and while I care for her, it seems like when we spend time together, it involves me spending money on her. Whether it’s buying her meals or gifts or covering other expenses, there’s always some sort of financial disbursement expected from me. In the beginning, I didn’t think much of it because I wanted to show her how much I cared. However, now it’s become a pattern, and I’m starting to wonder if she’s with me for the right reasons. It’s not that I mind treating her, but I’m beginning to feel like my value in this relationship is tied to what I can provide financially. Whenever I suggest doing something that doesn’t involve spending money, she seems less enthusiastic or finds a reason to decline. I’m conflicted because I do love her, but I can’t help but feel taken advantage of. How do I approach this situation without damaging our relationship? -- Feeling Used

DEAR FEELING USED: Don’t be shy. Speak directly to your girlfriend, and tell her how you are feeling. Remind her how much you care about her, and add that you do not want your relationship to feel transactional; you would like to do more things with her that do not revolve around spending money. It is possible to enjoy each other without spending a dime. See what she says. This will reveal a lot about who she is and what she values, and her reaction will let you know if she is someone you want to continue engaging as your partner.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've been dedicating a lot of time to a long-term volunteer project at a local animal shelter that I initially felt passionate about, but lately, it's been feeling more like an obligation than a fulfilling endeavor. While I still deeply believe in the cause of helping animals in need, I find myself facing burnout. I'm struggling to find that spark and enthusiasm I once had for this project. Do you have any advice on how I can reignite my passion for this volunteer work and discover a way to contribute without feeling overwhelmed? I would greatly appreciate any insights. -- Volunteer Burnout

DEAR VOLUNTEER BURNOUT: Whether you are volunteering or being paid for your time, it is possible to get overwhelmed and feel burned out. That probably means it is time to take a pause. Talk to the officials at the shelter and let them know you need to step away for a while to rejuvenate yourself. Feel free to explain that you are feeling overwhelmed. As much as you care about the shelter, you have to take care of yourself for a bit.

Just make sure that you fill your time off with self-care. Start with a physical to ensure that your body is healthy. Then schedule pampering activities that tend to you. Invite loved ones to spend time with you. Join a book club. Do something that feeds your spirit. When you feel refreshed, you can revisit your voluntary commitments to see if they are still right for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son, who is in his early 20s, has been kicked out of two different colleges. The reasons for his expulsions are difficult for me to talk about, but they’ve shaken my confidence in his future. He’s always been smart, but somewhere along the way, things went off course, and now I’m not sure how to steer him back in the right direction.

As his parent, I want nothing more than for him to graduate from college, find a fulfilling career and build a stable life for himself, but with these setbacks I’m starting to fear that his opportunities are slipping away. The idea of him getting into another college -- let alone graduating -- feels daunting, and I worry about how this will affect his ability to find a job in the future. I’ve tried talking to him, but he’s become more withdrawn and defensive. He doesn’t seem to recognize the gravity of the situation, and I’m concerned that if we don’t find a way to address this now, he’ll continue down a path that will make it even harder for him to turn things around. How can I help him rebuild his life and get back on track when it feels like everything is falling apart? -- Time To Reset

DEAR TIME TO RESET: Whatever happened -- twice -- to get your son kicked out of school needs to be addressed directly. See if he will go to counseling to talk about what’s been happening in his life and why he has gotten himself into his current situation. A professional can be extremely beneficial right now.

Being a college graduate is not the only way to become successful. Rather than worrying and wondering about how to get him back into a college, talk to him about his desires for his future. What does he want to do with his life? What will he do now to earn money? Don’t give him an out. He is an adult, and it is time for him to earn a living of some kind. You should not coddle him. Require him to find a job and begin to take responsibility for himself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm a 36-year-old woman who is eager to get married, but my live-in partner doesn't seem to be picking up on my hints. I've tried dropping subtle clues and even resorted to bribing his 5-year-old son to ask why we aren't married yet in exchange for ice cream after breakfast. However, my partner continues to make excuses and avoids the topic. I'm wondering if it's time for me to directly ask him about marriage, or if his behavior is a sign that he may not be interested in taking that next step. Should I gather the courage to have a candid conversation with him, or are these signs indicating that he may not be ready to commit? He is a decent man in all aspects. -- Living Together

DEAR LIVING TOGETHER: A problem many couples have these days is that they intertwine their lives before establishing an understanding of what each of them wants and what they may want together. What did you discuss when you moved in together? Do you know his thoughts about marriage, family and the future?

You absolutely should speak to him directly about what you want. Do not be shy. Tell him you want to get married. Ask him if he wants the same. Figure out now if the two of you are on the same page or if you can get there. Otherwise, that’s your cue to exit.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)