DEAR HARRIETTE: When the pandemic hit, I gained over 45 pounds. This change was quite noticeable on my body, especially since I am only about 5'2". My boyfriend, a fitness trainer, has never given me any reason to feel insecure about my body. However, I can't stop comparing my physique to his clients' when we work out together, which makes me feel extremely bad about myself. I am considering switching gyms and hiring a personal trainer, but my boyfriend feels offended because he is already a trainer and doesn't see the point in me paying someone else. How can I help him understand that the pressure and shame I feel while working out with him and his clients is hindering my progress and motivation? -- Switching Gyms

DEAR SWITCHING GYMS: You may be able to train with your boyfriend without his clients’ -- or any other -- eyeballs on you. Tell your boyfriend you are self-conscious about your weight gain, and you need his understanding and support as you get back on track. That may mean going somewhere else to get back on course. It is not personal to him. It is personal to you. You need to do this for yourself out of sight of his clients.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of six wonderful children, and I’m struggling to find a balance in spending time equally with each of them.

I recently got remarried to an amazing man who has three children from his previous marriage, and I have three daughters from my prior marriage. Blending our families has been an adjustment for everyone, and while I truly love all of our kids, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed trying to juggle everything. It seems like no matter how hard I try, there’s just never enough time in the day to give each child the individual attention they need. I want to be a present and involved mother, but it often feels like I’m constantly being pulled in different directions. I’m worried that I might be unintentionally favoring some kids over others just because of who needs me most at any given moment. Whether it’s helping with homework, attending events or just spending quality time, I always feel like I’m falling short somewhere. I grew up in a large family with eight siblings, and I vividly remember feeling like my parents never had enough time for me. I want my children’s big-family experience to be different. How can I make sure none of my kids feel like they’re lost in the shuffle? -- The Juggle

DEAR THE JUGGLE: Make a monthly calendar. Carve out times for homework, personal care and other responsibilities for you and the children. Block off times when children can sign up for “Mommy time.” Notice who is signing up -- and who is not. Devote one hour per week to selecting which child or children need your personal attention. Also, schedule family time when everybody -- or most family members -- get together and enjoy each other’s company.

Let the family know about your new system, and ask them for input about whether it’s working. Seeing your effort should help them to know how much you care. You will not be perfect at this, but just do your best and accept that it will be enough.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 35-year-old man who recently decided to get a nose job after years of feeling insecure about my appearance. Growing up, I was always self-conscious about my nose; it was large, and I felt it didn’t fit my face. For as long as I can remember, I’ve dealt with teasing and comments that made me feel like my nose was a defining feature -- in a negative way. After a lot of thought, I finally underwent surgery. I was excited about the change and felt like it was a step toward feeling more confident and comfortable in my skin. I was pleased with the results, and I finally felt like I had the nose I always wanted.

When I started seeing my friends again, their reactions weren’t what I expected. Instead of being supportive, they’ve been giving me a hard time about my decision. They keep telling me that my new nose looks unnatural and that they liked my old nose better. Some of them have even joked about how I shouldn’t have “messed with” my face. What’s worse is that these comments are starting to affect how I feel about myself all over again. How do I handle their criticism and stay confident in my choices? How do I keep their opinions from overshadowing my feelings about my appearance? -- Nose Job

DEAR NOSE JOB: Your plastic surgeon should have recommended that you get some psychological coaching before going under the knife, because the why of your choice to do this needs to be addressed. Clearly, you had your own personal concerns about your natural nose, but also significant discomfort based on the way others viewed you. It is important to remember that we cannot live our lives based on others’ perceptions of us. That is giving them too much power, and it doesn’t work.

Step back and begin to get comfortable with the new you. Choose to be confident about your new profile. Venture out into the world and meet new people. Choose to spend time with people who are positive as you gain more and more confidence in yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve recently taken up gardening as a hobby and have been learning a lot about different plants and cultivation techniques. One of my goals is to create a small vegetable garden in my backyard. However, I’ve realized that I need to better understand soil types, pest control and seasonal planting, as my plants seem to die faster than a lit matchstick. I’ve been reading books and watching tutorials, but I feel that hands-on guidance could be beneficial. I’m considering reaching out again to our online local gardening club or a community garden for advice. In the past, I’ve gotten little engagement on said online forums, with barely any comments on my posts. Are there specific questions I should ask when contacting these groups to get more helpful answers? Any additional tips would be greatly appreciated. -- Online Forum Tips

DEAR ONLINE FORUM TIPS: Write to the group administrator, and ask for advice on how to get members to respond to your questions. Pay attention to see which questions are answered. Ask brief questions. Too much detail in the beginning could be overwhelming to a reader. If the website you’re on seems unresponsive, find another one.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I accidentally discovered through a viral TikTok video that my childhood friend has been using my personal stories and experiences as material for her stand-up comedy routine. We used to be neighbors, and naturally, we used to share everything growing up, from secrets to dreams, and I always trusted her to keep my personal life private. Now, seeing those intimate moments turned into jokes for a crowd to laugh at feels like a betrayal of that trust. While I’m happy for her success, I can't help but feel uncomfortable with how public and personal my life experiences have become without my permission. It's like my innermost thoughts and memories have been put on display for the world to see, and I never consented to that.

I know that comedians often draw inspiration from their own lives and the lives of those around them, but there should be boundaries when it comes to sharing someone else's personal stories. I want to address this situation with my friend in a respectful and honest manner. I need to have a conversation with her about how I feel and express my concerns about the boundaries that have been crossed. Any advice would be valuable. -- Friend’s Betrayal

DEAR FRIEND’S BETRAYAL: Speak to an attorney first to find out if you have any legal footing in this matter. This is important if you choose to press her to quit telling your stories. You don’t have to lead with that when you talk to her; just know what recourse, if any, you have.

Reach out to your friend and ask to get together. Share that you have noticed her success -- and also her content. Tell her how shocked and disappointed you were to discover that she was sharing your personal life story on stage without your permission. Ask her to stop. What she says next will inform your next steps. Without wanting to further out yourself, you probably have little recourse unless you learn that you can sue her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My workplace recently implemented a new policy that requires everyone to participate in team-building activities outside of work hours. It consists of raffles and prizes that you can win by answering questions regarding our company processes. While I understand the intention, these activities are taking up a lot of my personal time. I’m reluctant to voice my concerns because I don’t want to appear uncooperative when everyone else doesn’t seem to have a problem with it. I tried to dodge a few times by saying I have an emergency, but I noticed my manager became more critical of my output afterward. I suspect it’s because of my lack of cooperation with the activities. I heard managers get incentives when their team wins. How do you think I can address this in a constructive way? -- Office Politics

DEAR OFFICE POLITICS: Lauren Wesley Wilson, author of “What Do You Need?,” tells a story of herself doing her best at work, but being unwilling to do the extracurricular activities. At that stage in her career, she thought that being excellent at her job should be enough. She says she quickly learned that team-building is equally important, and that includes participating in outside activities that are valuable to your company.

My recommendation to you is to do the requested activities with a smile on your face and get to know your teammates. It will pay off in the long run.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)