DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got promoted to senior manager at the finance firm where I work. The company is less than five years old, and, although it has been successful, there’s still a lot to be done to stabilize it, just like any other startup.

I was not the original choice for this promotion; when I tried to gossip around about why I was selected over another employee with more experience, I was told that it was because they had overheard she was pregnant and would eventually need maternity leave. Since this is a crucial time for the company, they couldn’t afford the disruption. Last week, I found out that I am three weeks pregnant. How should I inform my boss that I will need maternity leave after all? I’m contemplating keeping it hidden for now, especially since the promotion comes with a 20% salary increase. How should I proceed? I’m afraid the promotion might be taken away when I just got it. -- Promotion Dilemma

DEAR PROMOTION DILEMMA: It is illegal for an employer to discriminate against someone based on pregnancy status. While it is understandable that the hiring manager would prefer to have job stability with employees, what they did is unlawful, and the woman they passed over for the job has every right to contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission about it.

As for you, I would keep your pregnancy to yourself for now. You are not obligated to reveal it, and clearly your company is willing to retaliate against you for becoming pregnant. When the time comes, offer to do whatever you can to support the team. Check to make sure that your company offers maternity leave; it is not a guarantee. Even though it’s not necessarily required, you may want to offer to come back to work sooner or pitch in a certain amount of time per week while you are off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in Alabama with my three college roommates. When we first moved in, we all agreed that every Wednesday we would each take turns cooking for the whole group since we all come from different states and have different food specialties. I have been a vegetarian for five years for both health and moral reasons. One of the girls, "Sophia," is allergic to tofu, so when it’s my turn to cook, I deliberately make sure not to include it on the menu. On the other hand, when it’s her turn, she cooks all sorts of meat and suggests that I order DoorDash for myself. When this first happened, I let it slide, but it happened again this week. When I asked her about it, she said she has no responsibility to accommodate my hassle of food preferences and that I should stop joining the Wednesday tradition if I’m not up for it. I find this extremely disrespectful. I’m a bit hesitant to share this with the other girls. Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated. -- Vegetarian Roommate

DEAR VEGETARIAN ROOMMATE: Tell this roommate that you don’t appreciate her selfishness. Point out that you go out of your way to prepare food that suits her needs. By all means, tell your other roommates. You four made an agreement, and she should not be able to get away with ignoring your dietary restrictions. You need their help to set things back on course.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When the pandemic hit, I gained over 45 pounds. This change was quite noticeable on my body, especially since I am only about 5'2". My boyfriend, a fitness trainer, has never given me any reason to feel insecure about my body. However, I can't stop comparing my physique to his clients' when we work out together, which makes me feel extremely bad about myself. I am considering switching gyms and hiring a personal trainer, but my boyfriend feels offended because he is already a trainer and doesn't see the point in me paying someone else. How can I help him understand that the pressure and shame I feel while working out with him and his clients is hindering my progress and motivation? -- Switching Gyms

DEAR SWITCHING GYMS: You may be able to train with your boyfriend without his clients’ -- or any other -- eyeballs on you. Tell your boyfriend you are self-conscious about your weight gain, and you need his understanding and support as you get back on track. That may mean going somewhere else to get back on course. It is not personal to him. It is personal to you. You need to do this for yourself out of sight of his clients.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of six wonderful children, and I’m struggling to find a balance in spending time equally with each of them.

I recently got remarried to an amazing man who has three children from his previous marriage, and I have three daughters from my prior marriage. Blending our families has been an adjustment for everyone, and while I truly love all of our kids, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed trying to juggle everything. It seems like no matter how hard I try, there’s just never enough time in the day to give each child the individual attention they need. I want to be a present and involved mother, but it often feels like I’m constantly being pulled in different directions. I’m worried that I might be unintentionally favoring some kids over others just because of who needs me most at any given moment. Whether it’s helping with homework, attending events or just spending quality time, I always feel like I’m falling short somewhere. I grew up in a large family with eight siblings, and I vividly remember feeling like my parents never had enough time for me. I want my children’s big-family experience to be different. How can I make sure none of my kids feel like they’re lost in the shuffle? -- The Juggle

DEAR THE JUGGLE: Make a monthly calendar. Carve out times for homework, personal care and other responsibilities for you and the children. Block off times when children can sign up for “Mommy time.” Notice who is signing up -- and who is not. Devote one hour per week to selecting which child or children need your personal attention. Also, schedule family time when everybody -- or most family members -- get together and enjoy each other’s company.

Let the family know about your new system, and ask them for input about whether it’s working. Seeing your effort should help them to know how much you care. You will not be perfect at this, but just do your best and accept that it will be enough.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 35-year-old man who recently decided to get a nose job after years of feeling insecure about my appearance. Growing up, I was always self-conscious about my nose; it was large, and I felt it didn’t fit my face. For as long as I can remember, I’ve dealt with teasing and comments that made me feel like my nose was a defining feature -- in a negative way. After a lot of thought, I finally underwent surgery. I was excited about the change and felt like it was a step toward feeling more confident and comfortable in my skin. I was pleased with the results, and I finally felt like I had the nose I always wanted.

When I started seeing my friends again, their reactions weren’t what I expected. Instead of being supportive, they’ve been giving me a hard time about my decision. They keep telling me that my new nose looks unnatural and that they liked my old nose better. Some of them have even joked about how I shouldn’t have “messed with” my face. What’s worse is that these comments are starting to affect how I feel about myself all over again. How do I handle their criticism and stay confident in my choices? How do I keep their opinions from overshadowing my feelings about my appearance? -- Nose Job

DEAR NOSE JOB: Your plastic surgeon should have recommended that you get some psychological coaching before going under the knife, because the why of your choice to do this needs to be addressed. Clearly, you had your own personal concerns about your natural nose, but also significant discomfort based on the way others viewed you. It is important to remember that we cannot live our lives based on others’ perceptions of us. That is giving them too much power, and it doesn’t work.

Step back and begin to get comfortable with the new you. Choose to be confident about your new profile. Venture out into the world and meet new people. Choose to spend time with people who are positive as you gain more and more confidence in yourself.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve recently taken up gardening as a hobby and have been learning a lot about different plants and cultivation techniques. One of my goals is to create a small vegetable garden in my backyard. However, I’ve realized that I need to better understand soil types, pest control and seasonal planting, as my plants seem to die faster than a lit matchstick. I’ve been reading books and watching tutorials, but I feel that hands-on guidance could be beneficial. I’m considering reaching out again to our online local gardening club or a community garden for advice. In the past, I’ve gotten little engagement on said online forums, with barely any comments on my posts. Are there specific questions I should ask when contacting these groups to get more helpful answers? Any additional tips would be greatly appreciated. -- Online Forum Tips

DEAR ONLINE FORUM TIPS: Write to the group administrator, and ask for advice on how to get members to respond to your questions. Pay attention to see which questions are answered. Ask brief questions. Too much detail in the beginning could be overwhelming to a reader. If the website you’re on seems unresponsive, find another one.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)