DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m facing a situation with my 16-year-old niece, who is in a relationship with a 19-year-old boy from our neighborhood. I’m deeply concerned because this boy has a reputation for being a bad influence, and I fear that my niece might be negatively affected by this relationship. My niece is currently living with me after her grandmother, who was her primary guardian, passed away. Her parents are alcoholics; they’re abusive and neglectful, which has made her upbringing particularly difficult.

Given her troubled past and the lack of stable, supportive figures in her life, I can’t help but wonder if these factors are influencing her attraction to someone who might not be good for her. Despite my attempts to discuss my concerns with her, she seems attached to him and dismisses my worries. I want to protect her from making potentially harmful choices, but I do not want to drive a wedge between us. How can I approach this situation thoughtfully while considering her difficult background? -- Niece at Hand

DEAR NIECE AT HAND: Tread lightly. Your niece is at the age when whatever you say, she may do the opposite. You cannot force her to dump this man. Instead, invite her to talk about values. Ask her what she wants for her life. Suggest that she think about the qualities she wants in a partner. Get her to tell you what she likes about this man. Find out from her if there is anything she doesn’t like. Finally, because she is in a relationship, offer to take her to the doctor for a full exam and birth control. Protect her in any way you can, which has to include from getting pregnant.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Four friends and I went on vacation to Japan last month. During the trip, I covered several expenses with the verbal confirmation that my friends would reimburse me once we got back. However, now that we’re home and it’s already been a month, I’m finding it difficult to ask them for the money they owe me, as they claim they thought I was generously covering the bill. I feel uncomfortable bringing it up again because I don’t want to seem petty or create tension, especially since the amount isn’t that significant. However, I’m starting to question if I’m hanging out with the wrong crowd if small bills are leading to these kinds of misunderstandings. I’ve tried subtly reminding them about the reimbursement, but it hasn’t led to any action. What would be the wise next step? -- Vacation Bills

DEAR VACATION BILLS: Stop being shy about this and speak up. Tell your friends that you recall clearly that you offered to pay for some things on vacation under the assumption that they would reimburse you. Their recollection is off. Be clear that it is time to settle this debt. Ask them for the amount owed. If they refuse to pay it, you don’t have to end the friendship -- but you do need to stop paying for them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just got promoted to senior manager at the finance firm where I work. The company is less than five years old, and, although it has been successful, there’s still a lot to be done to stabilize it, just like any other startup.

I was not the original choice for this promotion; when I tried to gossip around about why I was selected over another employee with more experience, I was told that it was because they had overheard she was pregnant and would eventually need maternity leave. Since this is a crucial time for the company, they couldn’t afford the disruption. Last week, I found out that I am three weeks pregnant. How should I inform my boss that I will need maternity leave after all? I’m contemplating keeping it hidden for now, especially since the promotion comes with a 20% salary increase. How should I proceed? I’m afraid the promotion might be taken away when I just got it. -- Promotion Dilemma

DEAR PROMOTION DILEMMA: It is illegal for an employer to discriminate against someone based on pregnancy status. While it is understandable that the hiring manager would prefer to have job stability with employees, what they did is unlawful, and the woman they passed over for the job has every right to contact the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission about it.

As for you, I would keep your pregnancy to yourself for now. You are not obligated to reveal it, and clearly your company is willing to retaliate against you for becoming pregnant. When the time comes, offer to do whatever you can to support the team. Check to make sure that your company offers maternity leave; it is not a guarantee. Even though it’s not necessarily required, you may want to offer to come back to work sooner or pitch in a certain amount of time per week while you are off.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in Alabama with my three college roommates. When we first moved in, we all agreed that every Wednesday we would each take turns cooking for the whole group since we all come from different states and have different food specialties. I have been a vegetarian for five years for both health and moral reasons. One of the girls, "Sophia," is allergic to tofu, so when it’s my turn to cook, I deliberately make sure not to include it on the menu. On the other hand, when it’s her turn, she cooks all sorts of meat and suggests that I order DoorDash for myself. When this first happened, I let it slide, but it happened again this week. When I asked her about it, she said she has no responsibility to accommodate my hassle of food preferences and that I should stop joining the Wednesday tradition if I’m not up for it. I find this extremely disrespectful. I’m a bit hesitant to share this with the other girls. Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated. -- Vegetarian Roommate

DEAR VEGETARIAN ROOMMATE: Tell this roommate that you don’t appreciate her selfishness. Point out that you go out of your way to prepare food that suits her needs. By all means, tell your other roommates. You four made an agreement, and she should not be able to get away with ignoring your dietary restrictions. You need their help to set things back on course.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: When the pandemic hit, I gained over 45 pounds. This change was quite noticeable on my body, especially since I am only about 5'2". My boyfriend, a fitness trainer, has never given me any reason to feel insecure about my body. However, I can't stop comparing my physique to his clients' when we work out together, which makes me feel extremely bad about myself. I am considering switching gyms and hiring a personal trainer, but my boyfriend feels offended because he is already a trainer and doesn't see the point in me paying someone else. How can I help him understand that the pressure and shame I feel while working out with him and his clients is hindering my progress and motivation? -- Switching Gyms

DEAR SWITCHING GYMS: You may be able to train with your boyfriend without his clients’ -- or any other -- eyeballs on you. Tell your boyfriend you are self-conscious about your weight gain, and you need his understanding and support as you get back on track. That may mean going somewhere else to get back on course. It is not personal to him. It is personal to you. You need to do this for yourself out of sight of his clients.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of six wonderful children, and I’m struggling to find a balance in spending time equally with each of them.

I recently got remarried to an amazing man who has three children from his previous marriage, and I have three daughters from my prior marriage. Blending our families has been an adjustment for everyone, and while I truly love all of our kids, I’m feeling completely overwhelmed trying to juggle everything. It seems like no matter how hard I try, there’s just never enough time in the day to give each child the individual attention they need. I want to be a present and involved mother, but it often feels like I’m constantly being pulled in different directions. I’m worried that I might be unintentionally favoring some kids over others just because of who needs me most at any given moment. Whether it’s helping with homework, attending events or just spending quality time, I always feel like I’m falling short somewhere. I grew up in a large family with eight siblings, and I vividly remember feeling like my parents never had enough time for me. I want my children’s big-family experience to be different. How can I make sure none of my kids feel like they’re lost in the shuffle? -- The Juggle

DEAR THE JUGGLE: Make a monthly calendar. Carve out times for homework, personal care and other responsibilities for you and the children. Block off times when children can sign up for “Mommy time.” Notice who is signing up -- and who is not. Devote one hour per week to selecting which child or children need your personal attention. Also, schedule family time when everybody -- or most family members -- get together and enjoy each other’s company.

Let the family know about your new system, and ask them for input about whether it’s working. Seeing your effort should help them to know how much you care. You will not be perfect at this, but just do your best and accept that it will be enough.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)