DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 45-year-old man, and I thought I had finally married the love of my life just six months ago. My husband and I share many of the same values, dreams and goals, and I was overjoyed to have found someone I could build a future with. We dated for eight months prior to our marriage, but since getting married, he has started to change his personality. I don’t think my husband actually loves me anymore. At first, I dismissed the red flags, convinced that I was overthinking things, but now it feels like the truth is staring me in the face. He’s distant and emotionally unavailable, and it feels like his affection is conditional and only present when I’m providing something for him. The more I reflect on our relationship, the more I’ve started to believe that he didn’t marry me for love at all, but for my financial stability.

It seems like he’s more interested in what I can provide than in building a genuine connection. He’s stopped making any effort in our relationship, and whenever I bring up my concerns, he brushes them off or avoids the conversation entirely. Now I’m left wondering if I was ever really what he wanted. How do I confront him about this? -- Duped

DEAR DUPED: Ask your husband to come to a family meeting. Start by telling him you have some serious things to discuss, and you need him to participate. Do your best to get him to agree to listen and share. Reveal your observations, and ask him what is going on with him. Point out what you call red flags, and ask him why he is behaving differently. Be direct. Ask him what has happened to impact his disposition. Tell him what you want and need from him in your marriage, and ask if he can go back to providing those things. If he is unresponsive or unwilling, suggest that the two of you go to counseling to work through your issues. If you are to be married for life, you must address the things that are creating challenges for you right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends is having a birthday this weekend. “Zee” is the kind of friend who bakes cakes for us on our birthdays, plans trips when we feel down and is always just a call away. She crochets, paints, does DIY projects and gives personal, thoughtful gifts. Since I’m not artistic myself, what do you suggest I give her that would be thoughtful but easy to put together? She is quite well-off, and I can’t afford anything expensive at the moment, but I’d like to give her something meaningful. Thank you! -- Birthday Gift

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIFT: Good for you for thinking hard about this. One idea is to make a card for her. Inside, tell her it is an invitation to spend an afternoon together exploring your city or hiking in a popular park or going to the movie of her choice. Spending time with her is invaluable. It shows that you are thinking about her and truly care. Giving her the opportunity to choose what you do together is a way to engage her and ensure that she is happy in the process.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a hard time controlling my shopping habits. I often find myself buying things on impulse, which leads to regret afterwards. I want to take better care of my money, but breaking the habit of spontaneous spending seems really challenging.

I’ve tried setting financial goals by using digital spreadsheets, manual logging and avoiding temptation, but I still struggle with resisting the urge to make unplanned purchases, especially when I’m stressed or bored. I’m looking for effective strategies to help me curb these impulsive buying habits and improve my overall financial management. What steps can I take to manage my shopping addiction and create a healthier relationship with my money? I’m ready to make some changes, but I need practical advice on how to start. -- Spending Habit

DEAR SPENDING HABIT: Set up automatic withdrawals from your paycheck that go into protected savings instruments that are not easily touched. This will help to safeguard some of your money. Next, get a therapist who can work with you to address your spending habits and teach you ways to control your impulses.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe you gave incorrect advice to “Separation Anxiety,” the mother whose child is struggling after only one day in college. College today is a very different place than it was years ago. I have taught high school (full-time) and college (part-time) continuously for over 30 years. Many students do not choose to go to college by themselves -- their parents are the ones insisting this is the next step. Young adults mature at different times, and sometimes a community college close to home is a good first step where a student can figure out if he or she is suited for an academic track, or perhaps might prefer workforce development with a technical degree. If the academic track works out well, the student can transfer after a year or so when he or she has gained some maturity and has figured out how to navigate higher education in a smaller context first.

Even though my husband and I are both college grads and I worked with college students for so many years, our own introverted daughter had a disastrous first year. She had a difficult time adjusting to a socially oriented roommate who was out all hours of the night, to all of the partying and to other pressures to fit in. We encouraged her to stick with school for the reasons you mentioned and also encouraged her to check out clubs. To our horror, she developed a serious eating disorder, and by the time she came home for Christmas break, she was a shell of her former self, and she withdrew completely. She then transferred to our local community college and, with love and counseling, eventually transferred back to a four-year university and now is an attorney.

The social pressures of college are not for every child, and I encourage the mother to listen to the concerns of her daughter. We so wish we had done so. -- A Reader in Virginia

DEAR A READER IN VIRGINIA: Thanks for sharing your story. It is true that every person develops uniquely, and community college is a great bridge to independence for some. Your story is illuminating.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past few years, I have been getting together for dinner with a few other women with whom I used to work. When the first woman left for a new job, another woman started a text group so we can all stay in touch. That same woman would organize a dinner a few times per year. That was basically the only communication among the group. None of us work together anymore, and I have been away from that company for a couple of years.

Over the last year or two, it has become clear that the original organizer is the only one who is interested in continuing these get-togethers. We basically never communicate unless she is setting up dinner.

I recently went through a stressful life event. In the middle of that, one of these dinner invites came out. I responded to the group with a brief explanation of what was going on and said I would not be available for a couple of months while I worked through this. The fact that nobody reached out to check on me confirmed that it was time for me to move on from this group, but how do I do that? If I remove myself from the text group, everyone gets a notification that I’ve left. I have nothing against these women, it’s just clear to me that this chapter is over. I’m tempted to just stop following the chat, but that seems rude. Can you recommend how I can step away from this situation? -- Ready To Move On

DEAR READY TO MOVE ON: If you are ready to close this chapter of your life and you want to do it graciously, you can send a note to the group chat thanking them for being a source of comfort over the years and adding that you are now moving on. Wish them the best of luck in their lives, and leave the chat. If anyone wants to be in touch with you, they should be able to reach you. There is nothing bad about ending a chapter of your life. Do it with dignity and move forward. Your action may spark some of the group members to rethink their involvement. Friendships do not always last a lifetime, and that’s all right.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your advice to the gardener who was causing issues with their neighbors, “Gardening Neighbor Trouble,” was very helpful, but they may also want to see if they have a local community garden area near them. This would give them a good place to have a garden, either flowers or produce, and possibly a chance to meet other people who share the same interests. -- Here To Help

DEAR HERE TO HELP: Thank you for your advice. The community garden is a perfect way to support someone who enjoys the gardening experience -- with like-minded people. I trust that anyone reading this will look at community bulletin boards and at gardening centers to discover such an organization in their town.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)