DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m afraid my past embarrassing moments will make my boyfriend see me in a different light. I’ve been dating “Bryan” for two years now, and he is insisting on coming to my hometown to meet my friends, as I have met his. We both live in the city where we work, but I grew up as an overweight kid in a low-income household with neglectful parents. I have nine siblings. Due to parental neglect, I had some hygiene issues that led to bullying throughout school -- I had lice, body odor and poor oral care. In contrast to how I used to be, I am different as an adult, with a decent job that pays well and complete hygienic care. My boyfriend knows me as someone meticulous about her body, who takes care of herself and maintains a slim figure. Now that he is insisting on vising my hometown, I’m afraid he will learn about that past version of me and be disgusted by the stories. I’ve been declining to make this trip for two years; how do you think I should proceed? This is a sensitive topic for me. -- New Leaf in a New City

DEAR NEW LEAF IN A NEW CITY: Talk to your boyfriend and tell him about your past. In order to build a meaningful relationship with him, you need to reveal who you are in your entirety. Before stepping foot in your hometown, sit down and open up. Talk about your family and some of the challenges you faced as a child. Describe your past physical self and how you were ostracized because of it. Explain that it feels like opening an old wound to take him to your hometown. Over time you may decide to take him, but your first step of giving him a glimpse of your world should help him to back off a bit -- at least for now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I posted a video on TikTok showcasing how I packed my 5-year-old daughter's lunchbox with ready-made cookie dough. Unfortunately, the response was overwhelmingly negative, with many criticizing my choice for not opting for a healthier or homemade alternative. I strive to provide my daughter with nutritious and enjoyable meals, but I also believe that a bit of convenience should not be condemned. Balancing practicality with healthy choices is important to me, and I believe that occasional treats are acceptable. How can I address the criticism without feeling discouraged? Do you have any advice on finding a middle ground between convenience and health in my daughter's lunches? Your support and guidance would be greatly appreciated. -- Healthy Choices

DEAR HEALTHY CHOICES: First of all, I bet plenty of those naysayers give their children chips and sweets in their lunch, so take a breath. Your internet trolls reacted to one post as if that is what you do every day. Take it for what it’s worth. In terms of how to best care for your child, look up healthy snacks and provide those most days: fresh and dried fruit, nuts (if allowed at the school), low-sodium and low-sugar snacks. You can occasionally mix in a homemade cookie, but make sure your child knows that it is a rare treat.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 45-year-old man, and I thought I had finally married the love of my life just six months ago. My husband and I share many of the same values, dreams and goals, and I was overjoyed to have found someone I could build a future with. We dated for eight months prior to our marriage, but since getting married, he has started to change his personality. I don’t think my husband actually loves me anymore. At first, I dismissed the red flags, convinced that I was overthinking things, but now it feels like the truth is staring me in the face. He’s distant and emotionally unavailable, and it feels like his affection is conditional and only present when I’m providing something for him. The more I reflect on our relationship, the more I’ve started to believe that he didn’t marry me for love at all, but for my financial stability.

It seems like he’s more interested in what I can provide than in building a genuine connection. He’s stopped making any effort in our relationship, and whenever I bring up my concerns, he brushes them off or avoids the conversation entirely. Now I’m left wondering if I was ever really what he wanted. How do I confront him about this? -- Duped

DEAR DUPED: Ask your husband to come to a family meeting. Start by telling him you have some serious things to discuss, and you need him to participate. Do your best to get him to agree to listen and share. Reveal your observations, and ask him what is going on with him. Point out what you call red flags, and ask him why he is behaving differently. Be direct. Ask him what has happened to impact his disposition. Tell him what you want and need from him in your marriage, and ask if he can go back to providing those things. If he is unresponsive or unwilling, suggest that the two of you go to counseling to work through your issues. If you are to be married for life, you must address the things that are creating challenges for you right now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my closest friends is having a birthday this weekend. “Zee” is the kind of friend who bakes cakes for us on our birthdays, plans trips when we feel down and is always just a call away. She crochets, paints, does DIY projects and gives personal, thoughtful gifts. Since I’m not artistic myself, what do you suggest I give her that would be thoughtful but easy to put together? She is quite well-off, and I can’t afford anything expensive at the moment, but I’d like to give her something meaningful. Thank you! -- Birthday Gift

DEAR BIRTHDAY GIFT: Good for you for thinking hard about this. One idea is to make a card for her. Inside, tell her it is an invitation to spend an afternoon together exploring your city or hiking in a popular park or going to the movie of her choice. Spending time with her is invaluable. It shows that you are thinking about her and truly care. Giving her the opportunity to choose what you do together is a way to engage her and ensure that she is happy in the process.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a hard time controlling my shopping habits. I often find myself buying things on impulse, which leads to regret afterwards. I want to take better care of my money, but breaking the habit of spontaneous spending seems really challenging.

I’ve tried setting financial goals by using digital spreadsheets, manual logging and avoiding temptation, but I still struggle with resisting the urge to make unplanned purchases, especially when I’m stressed or bored. I’m looking for effective strategies to help me curb these impulsive buying habits and improve my overall financial management. What steps can I take to manage my shopping addiction and create a healthier relationship with my money? I’m ready to make some changes, but I need practical advice on how to start. -- Spending Habit

DEAR SPENDING HABIT: Set up automatic withdrawals from your paycheck that go into protected savings instruments that are not easily touched. This will help to safeguard some of your money. Next, get a therapist who can work with you to address your spending habits and teach you ways to control your impulses.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe you gave incorrect advice to “Separation Anxiety,” the mother whose child is struggling after only one day in college. College today is a very different place than it was years ago. I have taught high school (full-time) and college (part-time) continuously for over 30 years. Many students do not choose to go to college by themselves -- their parents are the ones insisting this is the next step. Young adults mature at different times, and sometimes a community college close to home is a good first step where a student can figure out if he or she is suited for an academic track, or perhaps might prefer workforce development with a technical degree. If the academic track works out well, the student can transfer after a year or so when he or she has gained some maturity and has figured out how to navigate higher education in a smaller context first.

Even though my husband and I are both college grads and I worked with college students for so many years, our own introverted daughter had a disastrous first year. She had a difficult time adjusting to a socially oriented roommate who was out all hours of the night, to all of the partying and to other pressures to fit in. We encouraged her to stick with school for the reasons you mentioned and also encouraged her to check out clubs. To our horror, she developed a serious eating disorder, and by the time she came home for Christmas break, she was a shell of her former self, and she withdrew completely. She then transferred to our local community college and, with love and counseling, eventually transferred back to a four-year university and now is an attorney.

The social pressures of college are not for every child, and I encourage the mother to listen to the concerns of her daughter. We so wish we had done so. -- A Reader in Virginia

DEAR A READER IN VIRGINIA: Thanks for sharing your story. It is true that every person develops uniquely, and community college is a great bridge to independence for some. Your story is illuminating.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)