DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m feeling uneasy after a recent family dinner celebrating my brother-in-law’s birthday. During the gathering, I mentioned that my older sister, his wife, told me she was purposely avoiding losing weight because she doesn’t want to get pregnant. I didn’t mean to bring it up, but it’s clear my brother-in-law really wants to have a child now, and he seemed frustrated when I said that.

My other sister had a similar experience: She was overweight for years and was married for a decade without kids. After she lost weight, she got pregnant, and now her little one is turning 3. I thought I was sharing something insightful, but now I’m worried I might have caused tension in my older sister’s marriage. How can I help mend things between them and be more supportive moving forward? -- Worried Sibling

DEAR WORRIED SIBLING: Think before you speak. Being empathetic with your brother-in-law is fine. Sharing family secrets with him should be off-limits. That information would have been more useful for you to share with his wife, your sister, in case she changes her mind. But since she told you directly that she is avoiding having a baby, you should have stayed out of that conversation. It isn’t your business.

What you can do now is speak to your sister, tell her what you did and apologize for crossing the line. Moving forward, keep your mouth shut about sensitive personal topics.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My older brother is getting married soon, and I haven’t been included in much of the planning process. We used to be close. However, since he started dating his fiancee -- one of my classmates from high school -- we have grown apart. My future sister-in-law and I had no serious beef toward each other in high school.

It’s hard to watch my brother and his fiancee so happily involved in this wedding planning while I’m on the sidelines. Just last week, I saw a group photo of them with their wedding planner and friends, including some of our cousins, and it really hit me how distant we’ve become. I’m genuinely happy for him, but I can’t shake the hurt of being left out. How can I address this with him without seeming like an attention seeker? -- Left Out Sibling

DEAR LEFT OUT SIBLING: Invite your brother to get together with you. At your meeting, tell him how happy you are for him at this time of new beginnings. Ask him how everything is going, and listen so that you can contribute to the conversation in a meaningful way.

Next, tell him that you want to share your feelings with him. Express how distant you believe the two of you have become of late. Share that you want to continue to be close to him as he starts this next chapter, yet you feel that you are growing apart. Ask him if something happened to create tension between you and if he would like to stay close. If his response is vague, inquire as to whether his fiancee doesn’t want you around. You need to find out what’s going on -- and then work to mend it.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently transitioned into a new role that has me working in an open office layout. While I appreciate the collaborative environment and the opportunity to interact with my colleagues, I have been struggling with distractions and noise that make it difficult for me to focus on my tasks effectively. I have tried using noise-canceling headphones to block out some of the distractions, but it hasn't been entirely effective in creating an environment that is conducive to work. I find myself unable to concentrate on my tasks, which is impacting my productivity. I want to address this issue with my team or management in a constructive manner, but I am concerned about coming across as complaining or causing any tension in the office. Can you provide me with some guidance on how to communicate my concerns about the open office distractions without creating any negative perceptions? -- Open Office Distraction

DEAR OPEN OFFICE DISTRACTION: Talk to your supervisor and describe the challenges you have been having with concentration and productivity. Ask for support so that you can do your job better. Some suggestions you can offer include asking if there is an area in your office that is tucked away from others where you could move. While it may still be out in the open, if it is on the perimeter, that may help you. Suggest being allowed to work from home when you have a looming deadline or other project that is essential and time-sensitive. You can also request the use of a conference room for a few hours per day to carve out quiet time to get things done.

Being proactive should demonstrate to your boss that you want to find a solution so that you can be optimally productive. Hopefully this will inspire your boss to help you. In the world of education, this is called accommodation. In the business world, it’s the same thing, but it is not as clearly protected. If you have a DEI department at your company, speak to someone about helping you to be effective given your level of distraction.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that the wife of a college friend passed away. She was a lovely woman, and this is a huge tragedy. While life isn’t promised to anyone, it just seems so sad and unfair that this kind woman died before she reached her 60th birthday. She and her husband were health nuts, always talking about exercising and eating well. Even that focus didn’t save her from getting ill. What’s the point of working to be healthy if you are just going to die anyway? I know I’m having a reaction to this loss, but honestly if the healthy people get cancer, what hope do the rest of us have? -- Lost Hope

DEAR LOST HOPE: Allow yourself time to accept this tragic loss and grieve for your friend. All kinds of emotions will likely come up as you process what has happened. Do your best to allow the thoughts and feelings to come and go without holding on to any of them. Loss is real, and it hits deeply. Make no decisions about how you will take care of yourself right now. Just be.

In time, you will need to decide how you move forward from grief. How do you want to live your life? Are there things about your behavior and choices that you want to make? While you cannot avoid death, you can choose to live your life based on what you value. Instead of being defeatist, be proactive. Live your life to the fullest, honoring your beliefs, goals and desires.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m at a crossroads in my relationship with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for several years, and for the most part, our relationship has been strong and loving. We’ve talked about our future together many times, and I’ve always pictured us getting married, building a life and starting a family. However, a recent conversation about marriage has left me feeling unsure. My boyfriend has told me that he would only consider marrying me if I converted to Judaism. I was raised Christian. While I have a lot of respect for his beliefs and the traditions he values, I don’t feel comfortable converting to another religion just to meet his expectations. I’ve tried to express my feelings to him, explaining that I love him and want to find a way for us to be together without having to sacrifice such a core part of who I am. However, he seems firm in his stance, saying that marrying outside of his faith isn’t something he’s willing to do. This has left me feeling torn because I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to compromise my beliefs and values. Should I break up with him over this? -- A Way Forward

DEAR A WAY FORWARD: Sadly, couples often wait to talk about basic values late in their relationships even though things like religion are a key to their future together. For many followers of the Jewish faith, children are not Jewish unless their mother is Jewish, which is likely why your boyfriend is so adamant about you converting. He has made his stance clear. It is unlikely that he will change his mind, and if he does, he will likely resent you. If you are unwilling to convert to Judaism, he is showing you to the door. Free yourself to find a partner who accepts you for who you are.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I had a huge blowout argument. To defend myself, I told him that some of my friends have noticed his bad behavior and commented on it. Rather than apologizing for what he constantly says and does to demean me, he is now outraged at my friends and never wants to see them again. He has forbidden me from having them around, but I need them. They are my support system -- especially when my husband is in a rage. How do I handle this situation? -- At Odds

DEAR AT ODDS: Do you feel unsafe in your marriage? What is happening that has caused you to need to bring up your friends to your husband in defense of yourself? It is time for you to assess your marriage and determine whether you are in a relationship that is healthy. Couples go through ups and downs, but yours sounds like it could be more serious than a fleeting challenge. At a calm moment, try to get your husband to talk to you about your concerns -- without mentioning any friends’ names. Ask him if he is willing to work on these issues, whatever they are. Encourage him to go to counseling with you so that you can figure out ways to handle disagreements respectfully. If he refuses and still insists that you walk away from your friends, you should consider finding a safe way out of this relationship.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)