DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the president of the parent-teacher association at my daughter’s school, and at a recent meeting, the principal suggested that it is mandatory for us to buy food from the school canteen so that all the kids will have the same food and not feel jealous or envious of others who have more expensive options. What do you think I should suggest so that we can all be on the same page while explaining that we prefer to bring healthier snacks from home rather than buying ready-made ones? -- Mandatory Canteen

DEAR MANDATORY CANTEEN: Take a quick poll from a few parents to get a sense of how other families feel about this idea. Do so discreetly, as you do not want to start a buzz about this sensitive topic. With your polling data and your own feelings, schedule a meeting with the principal to voice your concerns. Though the principal’s intentions are good, there are many reasons why this thinking is flawed. In your case, you prefer to make fresh, healthy snacks. For other students, I’m sure there will be dietary or health restrictions. The very students the principal is trying to protect may be further embarrassed if they buy no snacks because their parents cannot afford to pay for them. Often, homemade treats are less costly than whatever might be available for sale. You can recommend that this proposal not go through. Instead, perhaps you can work together to find other ways to ensure that all children feel valued, regardless of their economic circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My siblings and I decided to surprise our mother by buying a house for her. When dad passed away, she was left alone with my two younger siblings, ages 10 and 12. Now my mom has a boyfriend, but we are not on good terms with him because we feel like he’s taking our mom away. She is not coming home every day to take care of the two kids. We let her know that we will not allow her boyfriend to live with her in the house that we bought for her. What do you think we should do? -- Family Conflict

DEAR FAMILY CONFLICT: Even though you have the best of intentions, you and your siblings have not handled this situation well. Your mother is a grown woman, yet you are treating her like a child. Surprising her with a house was generous, but not mature. This should have been a decision you made with her blessing and with planning that included her. It is natural that she would find a companion after your father died. While it is terribly unfortunate that he doesn’t seem to be the person you want for her, he is her choice. Since you have banned him from her house, your mother is now torn between having companionship and caring for her children -- and you and your siblings have contributed to that dilemma. Your mother has to live her life. You need to back down. Let her know how you feel, but then stop trying to control her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Three years ago, I had a falling-out with a woman who, at the time, had been my best friend for eight years. Our friendship was one of those rare, deep connections that felt more like family than just friends. We went to the same college, were in each other's weddings and spent so much time together that we’d see each other at least once a week without fail, even after we both got married and our lives became busier. Out of nowhere, we had an argument over something so trivial that I can’t even remember what it was about. At the time, it felt significant enough to cause a major rift between us. We both said things in the heat of the moment, and before I knew it, we stopped talking altogether. What had once been a solid friendship became an empty void, and neither of us made any effort to reach out and fix it.

It’s been three long years since we last spoke, but this week, she sent me a text asking if I wanted to get coffee. Part of me misses her and wants to rekindle our friendship, but another part of me is hesitant. Should I take her up on her offer and try to repair the friendship, or is it better to leave the past where it is? -- Lost Friend

DEAR LOST FRIEND: You clearly miss your friend. If you can’t even remember what happened to create the chasm, why not reconnect? Things often seem important in the moment but wane over time. Go to see her. Listen to what she has to say. Rather than trying to figure out why you stopped being friends, look to see if there is real hope for rekindling your relationship. If so, take it slow, and see how things unfold.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter was recently accepted into both the University of Minnesota and Ohio State University! However, she’s now facing a difficult decision, and I’m feeling conflicted about how best to guide her. We’re from Minnesota, so if she chooses to attend school here, she will qualify for in-state tuition, which makes it a much more affordable option for us as a family. We’ve saved some money in a college fund, and with the in-state tuition rate, that savings would cover a significant portion of her education, leaving her with little debt upon graduation. However, my daughter is leaning toward attending Ohio State, which, unfortunately, comes with a much higher price tag. Even though we can apply our college savings toward the cost, she would still need to take out a significant amount in student loans to cover the remaining expenses.

I’m torn between encouraging her to pursue her dream school, even if it means taking on substantial debt, and advising her to choose the more affordable, practical option. What should I say to her? -- Make a Choice

DEAR MAKE A CHOICE: First, don't forget to apply for every scholarship you can find! Then do the math with your daughter. Figure out how much she will have to pay back with loans if she goes to OSU and what she would have to pay locally. Talk about grad school and any other higher education she may need. Let her decide if she is willing to carry debt to go to her dream school. This may be her first adult decision. Let her make it. She will ultimately have to live with the consequences.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I live in Wisconsin and are fortunate to own a second lakeside property. Over the years, we’ve extended invitations to various loved ones, offering them the chance to stay and enjoy the lake. Recently, my husband’s close friends asked if they could spend a weekend at the cabin with their family, and we said yes. They seemed to have a wonderful time, and everything seemed fine when they left. However, when we went up to the cabin a week later, we discovered that the dock was badly damaged: Boards were broken, some sections were loose and the entire structure was in disrepair. We were shocked, as the dock had been perfectly fine before their stay. When we called them to ask what had happened, they casually mentioned that their teenager had had a mishap with the dock, but the damage was minor so they didn’t think it was necessary to tell us. They didn’t provide much explanation, and we were left feeling both disappointed and uncertain about how to proceed. How do we approach this situation without causing tension or awkwardness while still addressing the damage to the dock? -- Violated

DEAR VIOLATED: First, get an estimate of the cost for the damages to the dock. Next, contact your friends and tell them that you are disappointed that they did not immediately tell you about the damage, but it was measurable. Let them know the cost to make the repairs, and ask them to send you the money. Be direct.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter just got engaged to a man I disapprove of. I have watched her fall into a relationship with someone I believe is not good for her at all. Over the past two years, this man has shown increasingly controlling behavior toward her. He often belittles her in front of others, and he manipulates her emotions. She has changed so much since she began dating him, both physically and emotionally. She’s lost a significant amount of weight, about 15 pounds, and her vibrant personality has dimmed. She no longer laughs as she used to, and she seems to be walking on eggshells around him. Even worse, she’s grown distant from her family. We used to talk every day, but now our conversations are rare and strained. We’ve tried to gently urge her to reconsider the relationship, but she refuses to listen. She seems completely under his spell, unwilling to see the negative impact he’s having on her. My husband and I feel helpless and scared for her future, but every time we bring it up, it pushes her further away. Now that they’re engaged, it feels like we’ve run out of time and options. How can we help her see the truth without alienating her completely? -- Lost Daughter

DEAR LOST DAUGHTER: It may be impossible for your daughter to see what you see. One option could be to recommend premarital counseling. Perhaps you could even help your daughter find a therapist or clergyperson to meet with.

Another option could be to stage an intervention with loved ones and your daughter where multiple people share their concerns. Know, however, that it could take your daughter crashing before she is able to see the truth.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)