DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in a clandestine relationship with a guy for most of this year. We hit if off after meeting on the street. We had a lot of fun together, but I always felt like I was putting forth more effort than him. One day I confronted him about not being more responsive, and he quipped back that if I wanted to be with him, I had to accept that he sometimes doesn’t turn on his phone and can go MIA -- too bad if I don’t like it. That’s how he is. I was taken aback by his comment. He accepted no responsibility for not being attentive. That’s when I stopped being as available to him.

Recently, I got fed up with him not answering my texts or calls for days on end and called it quits, but I realize that I miss him. We did have a lot of fun together when we were talking or in each other’s company. Should I reach out to him and ask to get together? I’m not sure if I can be OK with what he is willing to give since I am a little bit needy. Do you think I can get him to see the value in paying closer attention to me? -- Missing My Guy

DEAR MISSING MY GUY: Your letter brings up a lot of questions: Why was your relationship clandestine? Why did it have to be a secret? It seems that he was always elusive. You tolerated that for some time, but ultimately, it turned you off. What makes you think he will change if you go back? Has he demonstrated any behavior that shows you he is willing to adjust to make you happy?

If you are willing to accept him on his terms and be prepared to have fun with him when he is available, call him. Otherwise, cut your losses. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a “friend” who contacts me only when she needs something. She will text or call, acting like she wants to check in on me and then, like clockwork, she almost immediately tells me about something that she is doing and how I can support her. I didn’t figure out her pattern for some time, but now it is obvious to me. Sometimes I don’t have a problem with it, as I like to help people, but it's clear now that she isn’t really a friend.

I’m having a party soon and making the guest list. It is not a large event -- mostly close friends. She is on the periphery of this group. I don’t really want to invite her, but I know she will find out about it. Should I add her to the list just to avoid hurt feelings? -- Guest List

DEAR GUEST LIST: If your party is for good friends, review the potential list of attendees and cross off anyone who doesn’t fit that category -- period. Why add her if she doesn’t deserve to be on the list? Unless you feel there is some political reason why you should invite her, don’t. You need to draw the line about who deserves to be in your inner circle.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Fred’s” daughter’s birthday was approaching, and her friends wanted to surprise her. All of her friends met and shared their ideas for what to do. When her birthday arrived, they surprised her with balloons and food. To everyone’s surprise, one of the guests blew out the candle for the birthday girl, which made her upset. She cried a lot, and Fred got angry at the kid because it was his daughter’s birthday, not theirs. How should Fred have approached the situation since it was just a kid, and she may not have fully understood what she had done? -- Inappropriate Behavior

DEAR INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR: You haven’t said how old Fred’s daughter is, but you have described the friend group as “kids.” My advice to Fred is to let it go. Of course it was not appropriate for the friend to blow out the birthday girl’s candle, but who knows why this happened? Perhaps that child has never had a birthday cake. Maybe that’s the kid who is needy for attention. It could be anything. In the moment, the correct response would have been to relight the candle, let the right kid blow it out and keep the party moving.

Rather than focusing on reprimanding that child, Fred should highlight the great things that happened. His daughter’s friends were incredibly thoughtful as they chose to plan a celebration for her. Fred can point out all of the details that went into the party and relish in how happy that made everyone. If Fred’s daughter brings up the violation, Fred can suggest that they forgive the child and remember instead all of the good things about her special day.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was applying for a position as a hotel receptionist, and one of the other applicants mentioned that she was just 15 years old. She said she had received an application from management -- despite being underage -- because she is pretty and talented, meeting their high-standard requirements. I told her that it is against the law, but I am unsure of what to do since I know she really needs the job to support her family, while at the same time I am aware that underage individuals are not allowed to work. Please give me some advice on what I should do. -- Underage Employment

DEAR UNDERAGE EMPLOYMENT: I suggest that you not get involved in that person’s employment process. I sense that you feel threatened as this teenager may be up for the same job you have applied for -- and she may win the job based on her appearance. While that, in and of itself, is a form of discrimination, it is unlikely that you will win a fight on those grounds. Instead, you will make it even less likely that you will get hired. Is that fair? No, but since right now you need a job, set your sights on that.

As hard as it is to believe, the federal Fair Labor Standards Act sets 14 as the minimum age to work. Though some states have different age requirements for work, 14 is the baseline. That means that there might not be anything wrong with a 15-year-old applying for the same role as you; however, many employers simply choose not to hire teens.

Additionally, many people skirt age requirements as they are looking for work and hiring. This topic deserves examination, to be sure. That said, this doesn’t seem to be your battle right now. Pivot away from that young lady and toward your own future. Unless you believe she will be in danger if she is offered the job, don’t make her potential employment your issue.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am the president of the parent-teacher association at my daughter’s school, and at a recent meeting, the principal suggested that it is mandatory for us to buy food from the school canteen so that all the kids will have the same food and not feel jealous or envious of others who have more expensive options. What do you think I should suggest so that we can all be on the same page while explaining that we prefer to bring healthier snacks from home rather than buying ready-made ones? -- Mandatory Canteen

DEAR MANDATORY CANTEEN: Take a quick poll from a few parents to get a sense of how other families feel about this idea. Do so discreetly, as you do not want to start a buzz about this sensitive topic. With your polling data and your own feelings, schedule a meeting with the principal to voice your concerns. Though the principal’s intentions are good, there are many reasons why this thinking is flawed. In your case, you prefer to make fresh, healthy snacks. For other students, I’m sure there will be dietary or health restrictions. The very students the principal is trying to protect may be further embarrassed if they buy no snacks because their parents cannot afford to pay for them. Often, homemade treats are less costly than whatever might be available for sale. You can recommend that this proposal not go through. Instead, perhaps you can work together to find other ways to ensure that all children feel valued, regardless of their economic circumstances.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My siblings and I decided to surprise our mother by buying a house for her. When dad passed away, she was left alone with my two younger siblings, ages 10 and 12. Now my mom has a boyfriend, but we are not on good terms with him because we feel like he’s taking our mom away. She is not coming home every day to take care of the two kids. We let her know that we will not allow her boyfriend to live with her in the house that we bought for her. What do you think we should do? -- Family Conflict

DEAR FAMILY CONFLICT: Even though you have the best of intentions, you and your siblings have not handled this situation well. Your mother is a grown woman, yet you are treating her like a child. Surprising her with a house was generous, but not mature. This should have been a decision you made with her blessing and with planning that included her. It is natural that she would find a companion after your father died. While it is terribly unfortunate that he doesn’t seem to be the person you want for her, he is her choice. Since you have banned him from her house, your mother is now torn between having companionship and caring for her children -- and you and your siblings have contributed to that dilemma. Your mother has to live her life. You need to back down. Let her know how you feel, but then stop trying to control her.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)