DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is turning 90 this year, and we are absolutely thrilled. As we have been planning her birthday celebration, it has occurred to me that I want to be sensitive to my friends who have lost their parents in recent years. We all grew up together, so I want to invite them to attend her party, but I don’t want to remind them of their own losses. My family and I feel so blessed to have our mother still and want to make this the happiest time for her and everyone who joins us. How should I handle this? -- Love and Loss

DEAR LOVE AND LOSS: First of all, blessings to you and your mother for reaching this milestone. Conflicted feelings about this celebration are understandable, so it is wise to proceed with tenderness. That said, I’m sure that your friends would be more hurt if you did not include them in your invitation list. If they and their parents were integral to your mother’s life as you grew up, they will appreciate the gesture.

You may approach them by saying that as you have been preparing to honor your mother, you have been reminiscing about the wonderful memories of times spent together. Call upon a poignant memory that makes everyone smile. You can even invite them to come to the party prepared to share some of their stories, if they would like. This consciously includes them in the celebration.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been feeling really hurt and frustrated lately with one of my closest friends, and it’s causing a lot of tension between us. For a while now, I’ve noticed that she wants to hang out with me only when her other friend is busy. It’s like I’m her backup plan, and I can’t help but feel like a second-class friend. Whenever her other friend is around, she barely makes time for me, but as soon as that friend is unavailable, she’ll reach out as if nothing is wrong. I’ve tried to brush it off, but it’s starting to really bother me. I feel like I’m being used, and it’s making me question our friendship. I confronted her about it recently, and instead of understanding how hurt I am, she got defensive and said I was overreacting. Now we’re not speaking, and I’m not sure what to do. I miss our friendship, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m someone’s second choice. How do I handle this without feeling guilty for wanting to be treated better? -- Second-Class

DEAR SECOND-CLASS: Open your eyes and start looking for other friends. You are relying too much on this friend to be your one and only. She has shown you already that she chooses this other friend over you. You know this. So stop hoping she will treat you differently and consciously work to expand your friend group.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s this guy I’ve been interested in for a while now. We have great chemistry, and every time we hang out, I find myself liking him more. The problem is, he’s already gone after three of my friends. Each time, he’s flirted with one of them or dated them briefly, and even though none of those relationships turned serious, it’s left me feeling conflicted. It makes me feel embarrassed and kind of foolish for still being interested in him, knowing he’s been involved with my friends.

I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something between us, but at the same time, I’m worried about what it says about him -- and about me! -- if I pursue something. Part of me feels like I should just move on and let it go, but then I wonder if I’m overthinking it. I don’t know if I’m putting too much weight on the fact that he’s dated my friends, or if it’s a red flag I should take seriously. How do I get past the embarrassment I’m feeling? Should I be concerned about his past with my friends, or should I just focus on my own feelings and see where things go? -- Too Close for Comfort

DEAR TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: How close are you to the friends he has dated? Seems to me you might ask one of them what happened when they dated. If you feel comfortable, reveal that you have liked him for a while and you want to see if there’s any chance for the two of you, but you are apprehensive given that you have noticed that he has dated people in your friend group. Yes, you risk not keeping your feelings a secret, but it could be worth it to find out any details about how this guy behaves when dating others.

Pay attention to the feedback you get. If you do decide to pursue him, you can also ask him -- when the time is right -- what didn’t work when he dated other women you know. But that’s for later.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This girl at school, “Lina,” wanted to create gossip in the community by spreading false information about my sister being pregnant without a father. The problem is that my sister is neither pregnant nor does she have a boyfriend. Lina is just trying to stir up drama because I was unable to lend her some money. It seems like she wants to damage my sister's reputation and damage our bond. I feel frustrated and hurt by her actions. I want to confront her, but I'm not sure how to approach the situation. It's important to address the issue without escalating the conflict. I need to find a way to protect my sister and set boundaries with Lina. -- Damaging Falsehoods

DEAR DAMAGING FALSEHOODS: It is not possible to control rumors. Sadly, the more salacious they are, the more quickly they spread. Speak directly to Lina. Tell her if she doesn’t stop with the lies, you will tell your community why she is doing this. She would be embarrassed for your peer group to know that she is lashing out because you wouldn’t lend her money. Ask her to stop with the mean-spirited stories about your sister -- or else. Be prepared to tell the truth to key people in your friend group if that’s the only want to get her to stop.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I love my mom, but I just can’t trust her with any sensitive information. Every time I share something personal or private, she turns around and tells my family, her friends and even acquaintances, and it’s incredibly frustrating. For example, I’ll confide in her about something going on in my life, and the next time I see a relative or one of her friends, they’ll start asking me about it. It’s awkward and upsetting because it’s often information I never wanted these people to know. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve had to become selective about what I share with my mother. I hate feeling like I have to filter everything I say or keep her at a distance just to maintain my privacy. I’m 29 years old, and I feel like I should be able to have a trusting relationship with my mom where I can share things without worrying that she’ll broadcast it to everyone. I don’t know how to get her to stop doing this without hurting her feelings or creating a bigger issue between us. I don’t want to completely shut her out, but I also need to protect my personal boundaries. How do I address this with her in a way that will get her to understand why I’m upset? -- Can’t Keep a Secret

DEAR CAN’T KEEP A SECRET: There is no gentle way to handle this. You have to be direct with your mother. Tell her that you have discovered that when you share confidences with her, she consistently tells other people, and you consider this to be a violation of trust. Explain that you love her and want her counsel and just to have her as a safe space to vent, but you fear that whatever you tell her will not be kept in confidence. Give her a couple of examples of things you have told her that have come back to you from specific people so that she knows what you’re talking about.

She will surely apologize profusely and promise never to violate your privacy again. The reality, though, is that she probably will because it’s who she is. This means that in the future, you should refrain from telling her anything that you truly want to be kept confidential.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend “Nina” and her boyfriend had a baby while they both were underage. They fought against their parents to stay together and protect their love. However, the boyfriend eventually had an affair with another girl. Despite this, Nina’s parents now want her to give the relationship another chance. Nina, on the other hand, is hesitant because she feels he has hurt her many times. The boyfriend has even said he won’t support their child unless she takes him back. What should Nina do? -- Broken Trust

DEAR BROKEN TRUST: Young love with a baby can be tough to navigate. While Nina should not feel she has to tolerate infidelity, she may want to give the relationship a second chance -- with certain boundaries in place. She and her baby’s father should talk through their issues and think about the future of their child and their relationship. If they can establish ground rules to follow, Nina can give him a chance. If not, she may need to take him to court to provide for their child if they are apart.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)