DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 30-year-old Ph.D. student studying psychology, and I feel like my many years of education have gotten in the way of my romantic relationships. I’ve spent so much time focused on my studies and career that dating has often taken a back seat. The rare times I do meet someone, I struggle to balance the demands of my program with the emotional energy and time it takes to nurture a new relationship. By the time I’ve wrapped up my work, I often feel too drained to invest in dating, and I worry that my dedication to my career might be unintentionally pushing people away. It doesn’t help that most of my friends are already in stable relationships or even starting families, which only adds to the pressure I’m putting on myself.

I want to find a partner and start building a life together, but I don’t want to compromise my ambitions or leave my studies unfinished. Am I missing something that would help me balance both? How can I approach dating in a way that respects both my goals and my desire for a meaningful connection? -- Finding a Balance

DEAR FINDING A BALANCE: In the way that you schedule time for your career building, begin to allot time for your personal life. Write it into your calendar. When do you exercise, and where do you do it? Put yourself into a class at a gym or another social setting. What do you enjoy socially? Schedule it so you create an opportunity to meet someone regularly. Carve out time each day for yourself --anything from taking a walk to cooking a meal. Envision doing those things with a partner. You can do it, even though it will be a juggle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I married my husband three months ago, and already I can’t stand my new father-in-law. He means well, but he’s also opinionated and doesn’t seem to respect boundaries. From the moment we returned from our honeymoon, he’s been around constantly, offering unsolicited advice on everything from how we should manage our finances to what our home should look like, and even how I should be “taking care” of my husband. Sometimes, he just shows up unannounced, as if he’s a part of our daily life.

I want to keep the peace, especially since my husband and his dad have always been close, but I feel like my patience is wearing thin. My husband doesn’t see it the same way I do and brushes it off, saying his dad is just trying to help. But this is starting to put a strain on me and, honestly, on our new marriage. I worry that if I bring it up, it might create tension, not only between my husband and his father, but between my husband and me as well. How do I approach this situation without creating a rift in the family or feeling like I’m coming between them? -- Pushy Father-In-Law

DEAR PUSHY FATHER-IN-LAW: You have to speak to your husband right away and decide on boundaries together. He needs to know how you feel so that he can help strike a balance between enjoying time with his father and fortifying his marriage. You also can ignore some of dad’s entreaties. Let him talk and don’t always respond. As long as you and your husband are on the same page, you can learn to deal with his dad.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is turning 90 this year, and we are absolutely thrilled. As we have been planning her birthday celebration, it has occurred to me that I want to be sensitive to my friends who have lost their parents in recent years. We all grew up together, so I want to invite them to attend her party, but I don’t want to remind them of their own losses. My family and I feel so blessed to have our mother still and want to make this the happiest time for her and everyone who joins us. How should I handle this? -- Love and Loss

DEAR LOVE AND LOSS: First of all, blessings to you and your mother for reaching this milestone. Conflicted feelings about this celebration are understandable, so it is wise to proceed with tenderness. That said, I’m sure that your friends would be more hurt if you did not include them in your invitation list. If they and their parents were integral to your mother’s life as you grew up, they will appreciate the gesture.

You may approach them by saying that as you have been preparing to honor your mother, you have been reminiscing about the wonderful memories of times spent together. Call upon a poignant memory that makes everyone smile. You can even invite them to come to the party prepared to share some of their stories, if they would like. This consciously includes them in the celebration.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been feeling really hurt and frustrated lately with one of my closest friends, and it’s causing a lot of tension between us. For a while now, I’ve noticed that she wants to hang out with me only when her other friend is busy. It’s like I’m her backup plan, and I can’t help but feel like a second-class friend. Whenever her other friend is around, she barely makes time for me, but as soon as that friend is unavailable, she’ll reach out as if nothing is wrong. I’ve tried to brush it off, but it’s starting to really bother me. I feel like I’m being used, and it’s making me question our friendship. I confronted her about it recently, and instead of understanding how hurt I am, she got defensive and said I was overreacting. Now we’re not speaking, and I’m not sure what to do. I miss our friendship, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m someone’s second choice. How do I handle this without feeling guilty for wanting to be treated better? -- Second-Class

DEAR SECOND-CLASS: Open your eyes and start looking for other friends. You are relying too much on this friend to be your one and only. She has shown you already that she chooses this other friend over you. You know this. So stop hoping she will treat you differently and consciously work to expand your friend group.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: There’s this guy I’ve been interested in for a while now. We have great chemistry, and every time we hang out, I find myself liking him more. The problem is, he’s already gone after three of my friends. Each time, he’s flirted with one of them or dated them briefly, and even though none of those relationships turned serious, it’s left me feeling conflicted. It makes me feel embarrassed and kind of foolish for still being interested in him, knowing he’s been involved with my friends.

I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something between us, but at the same time, I’m worried about what it says about him -- and about me! -- if I pursue something. Part of me feels like I should just move on and let it go, but then I wonder if I’m overthinking it. I don’t know if I’m putting too much weight on the fact that he’s dated my friends, or if it’s a red flag I should take seriously. How do I get past the embarrassment I’m feeling? Should I be concerned about his past with my friends, or should I just focus on my own feelings and see where things go? -- Too Close for Comfort

DEAR TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: How close are you to the friends he has dated? Seems to me you might ask one of them what happened when they dated. If you feel comfortable, reveal that you have liked him for a while and you want to see if there’s any chance for the two of you, but you are apprehensive given that you have noticed that he has dated people in your friend group. Yes, you risk not keeping your feelings a secret, but it could be worth it to find out any details about how this guy behaves when dating others.

Pay attention to the feedback you get. If you do decide to pursue him, you can also ask him -- when the time is right -- what didn’t work when he dated other women you know. But that’s for later.

DEAR HARRIETTE: This girl at school, “Lina,” wanted to create gossip in the community by spreading false information about my sister being pregnant without a father. The problem is that my sister is neither pregnant nor does she have a boyfriend. Lina is just trying to stir up drama because I was unable to lend her some money. It seems like she wants to damage my sister's reputation and damage our bond. I feel frustrated and hurt by her actions. I want to confront her, but I'm not sure how to approach the situation. It's important to address the issue without escalating the conflict. I need to find a way to protect my sister and set boundaries with Lina. -- Damaging Falsehoods

DEAR DAMAGING FALSEHOODS: It is not possible to control rumors. Sadly, the more salacious they are, the more quickly they spread. Speak directly to Lina. Tell her if she doesn’t stop with the lies, you will tell your community why she is doing this. She would be embarrassed for your peer group to know that she is lashing out because you wouldn’t lend her money. Ask her to stop with the mean-spirited stories about your sister -- or else. Be prepared to tell the truth to key people in your friend group if that’s the only want to get her to stop.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)