DEAR HARRIETTE: Disciplining children is a critical aspect of parenting, but it can be challenging to determine the most effective methods. Recently, I've noticed that my 7-year-old son has been misbehaving, ignoring rules and testing boundaries. In the heat of the moment, I sometimes find myself resorting to physical consequences, such as a light smack on the bottom, believing it will teach him right from wrong. However, I worry that this approach may lead to more harm than good, as it could foster fear rather than understanding. Do you think I can continue with this kind of approach to my child, or should I stop? -- Painful Lessons

DEAR PAINFUL LESSONS: When I was growing up, spanking was part of the family routine. My mother had a gold lame slipper that she would take off her foot and use to whack us across the butt when we had transgressed. The scene was far more dramatic than the physical pain, but I still remember!

I used a pinch as a form of physical discipline for my daughter until one day she had done something wrong at about age 5 and came over to me to show me that she was pinching herself to discipline herself. I felt so guilty!

My relationship to physical punishment has evolved over the years. I do not think that it is helpful other than the fact that it startles children into awareness of the severity of the moment. Inflicting any type of violence on another person cannot be the best choice. I recommend talking with children, explaining the consequences of their actions, taking away privileges and teaching values. This may take longer, but ultimately it is likely to yield more mindful adults.

This form of discipline takes tremendous effort on the part of parents, but that is what parenting is all about, right? In my research, I discovered some basic things that can be helpful. They include parents adopting a positive tone of voice when communicating with children rather than shouting or scolding, showing children how to approach challenging situations by modeling their own behavior and demonstrating how to manage conflicts while keeping your cool.

For more ideas on how to raise a nonviolent child, visit bit.ly/4fmZDK3, a fact sheet from the University of Delaware.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Your column this morning was the most uplifting thing I've read in the paper in a long time! Thanks for sharing your mom with us, and the lessons she lives and teaches. God bless her! -- Happy Reader

DEAR HAPPY READER: Thank you for your acknowledgment. My family and I could not be more grateful. We were able to celebrate 95 years of life with my mother, our family and four of her friends who range in age from 94 to 100. It was beautiful to witness the love and support they have for each other. Who knows what the future holds for any of us, but to be in the presence of so much joy and unconditional love was a blessing beyond compare!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a 16-year-old sister who is currently facing the challenges of being a high school student. With the pressure to excel academically and socially, she often feels overwhelmed and stressed, striving to meet the high expectations set by herself and others. I’ve noticed that this stress sometimes manifests as anxiety and mood swings, which can be difficult for her to manage. What can we possibly do to help her so that she doesn't feel stressed out in school and in life? -- Academic Anxieties

DEAR ACADEMIC ANXIETIES: If there is a school counselor with whom she can talk, that would be great. Being able to express her fears and concerns to a neutral party can help her understand her feelings and manage them. Your parents may also want to get her a private therapist who can support her during this time. What’s key is having a professional she can trust to help her navigate what she’s experiencing.

Another great stress reducer is physical activity. What does she do to exercise her body? As her sister, perhaps you can invite her to do something active together, or encourage her to join a club at her school like a walking or running group, cheering or anything that gets her body moving.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a close friend who has suffered a traumatic experience -- she was molested by her uncle. Understandably, she is frightened to talk about it and feels hesitant to press charges against him. This fear and trauma have left her feeling isolated and unsure of how to seek help. I want to support her and help her find the courage to speak out and take action against her abuser. I also want to provide her with a safe space to share her feelings. What can I do to encourage her to confront this issue and seek the help she needs to heal and reclaim her life? -- Silent Trauma

DEAR SILENT TRAUMA: Don’t try to force your friend to go to the police. Hopefully she will do that in time. Instead, encourage her to write down her experience in detail so that she has a record of it and can unload it from her spirit. Since the abuser was her uncle, she probably needs to tell an adult in the family who can help protect her against this man. Ask her who she feels closest to who may be able to help her discreetly. Who will understand and will want to protect her? That’s something important for her to think about, as it is not always someone obvious. Some family members choose to bury their heads in the sand and blame the victim rather than the offender. She should consider carefully who her confidant will be and then talk to that person about the situation and ask for help.

Keeping this experience to herself is unhealthy. She needs to process her feelings and find a way to feel safe. Perhaps after she confides in someone (and with your support), she will find the courage to report this crime to local authorities.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 30-year-old Ph.D. student studying psychology, and I feel like my many years of education have gotten in the way of my romantic relationships. I’ve spent so much time focused on my studies and career that dating has often taken a back seat. The rare times I do meet someone, I struggle to balance the demands of my program with the emotional energy and time it takes to nurture a new relationship. By the time I’ve wrapped up my work, I often feel too drained to invest in dating, and I worry that my dedication to my career might be unintentionally pushing people away. It doesn’t help that most of my friends are already in stable relationships or even starting families, which only adds to the pressure I’m putting on myself.

I want to find a partner and start building a life together, but I don’t want to compromise my ambitions or leave my studies unfinished. Am I missing something that would help me balance both? How can I approach dating in a way that respects both my goals and my desire for a meaningful connection? -- Finding a Balance

DEAR FINDING A BALANCE: In the way that you schedule time for your career building, begin to allot time for your personal life. Write it into your calendar. When do you exercise, and where do you do it? Put yourself into a class at a gym or another social setting. What do you enjoy socially? Schedule it so you create an opportunity to meet someone regularly. Carve out time each day for yourself --anything from taking a walk to cooking a meal. Envision doing those things with a partner. You can do it, even though it will be a juggle.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I married my husband three months ago, and already I can’t stand my new father-in-law. He means well, but he’s also opinionated and doesn’t seem to respect boundaries. From the moment we returned from our honeymoon, he’s been around constantly, offering unsolicited advice on everything from how we should manage our finances to what our home should look like, and even how I should be “taking care” of my husband. Sometimes, he just shows up unannounced, as if he’s a part of our daily life.

I want to keep the peace, especially since my husband and his dad have always been close, but I feel like my patience is wearing thin. My husband doesn’t see it the same way I do and brushes it off, saying his dad is just trying to help. But this is starting to put a strain on me and, honestly, on our new marriage. I worry that if I bring it up, it might create tension, not only between my husband and his father, but between my husband and me as well. How do I approach this situation without creating a rift in the family or feeling like I’m coming between them? -- Pushy Father-In-Law

DEAR PUSHY FATHER-IN-LAW: You have to speak to your husband right away and decide on boundaries together. He needs to know how you feel so that he can help strike a balance between enjoying time with his father and fortifying his marriage. You also can ignore some of dad’s entreaties. Let him talk and don’t always respond. As long as you and your husband are on the same page, you can learn to deal with his dad.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)