DEAR READERS: Merry Christmas! It’s amazing that we are already at this time of year. For those who observe Christmas as a religious holiday, I wish you the peace and hopefulness that this day stands for. For the many who have claimed Christmas as their time to embrace family just a little tighter regardless of their religion, blessings to you, too.

When I was growing up, the holiday season was my family’s favorite. We had a full calendar of activities, many opportunities to dress up and, of course, the promise of presents under the tree. This season means that festivities are at an all-time high -- right alongside spending. I feel the need to remind myself -- and you -- that it is smart to take a pause at this time and remember to give thanks for the little things. Do your best not to become overwhelmed by the one-upmanship that sometimes occurs during the holiday season. Find ways to show your loved ones that you care for them that need not be attached to things. Give your time to the people you love.

On Christmas Day and the days surrounding it, look around: Who in your family and community would appreciate a little TLC? Notice the elders. Be sure to take time to talk to them. Let them recount old tales of when they were young. Ask them about holiday memories. Record what they tell you (if you can). You will treasure those stories for years to come, and if you preserve them, you can share them with the next generation.

Continue to look around. Who are the worker bees in your family? Do they need help? Jump in and volunteer for a dishwashing shift or to make a salad or to clean up the family room after gifts have been opened. Be helpful. Believe it or not, this can also protect you from the nosy family members who always have a thousand questions. If you are busy working and helping out with chores, the busybodies will have less time to meddle!

Remember to carve out quiet time for yourself as well. During larger family gatherings, it can be difficult to have solo moments. Plan a brisk walk outside to clear your head. Step away from any conversations that appear to be getting heated. It can be so easy to be triggered when you gather with people who share a lot of history with you. Don’t fall into the trap. Give yourself an out when things take a turn.

Take a page out of my mother’s book: Actively practice gratitude. Start each day making a list of things that you are grateful for. Start with the obvious -- gratitude for waking up to a new day. Then look around. What do you see that brings you joy? It could be sunlight, or a loved one, a pet or a favorite book, a comfy old robe or pair of slippers, your home. Whatever comes to mind, write it down to make it concrete. Feel the gratitude for whatever you see, and acknowledge it in your heart. When you feel stretched or stressed, when things don’t seem to be going your way, when the comparisons get you down, go to your list and remind yourself of what you are thankful for.

I, for one, am grateful for all of you!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently developed a love for having plants around my home because they add such a refreshing vibe, but I struggle to keep them alive. People remark that I don’t have a green thumb and that I should give up on this hobby, but I’m determined to prove them wrong. I’ve done a lot of research on how to care for plants, yet they always seem to wilt or lose their leaves. I’ve tried adjusting the watering schedule and moving them around, but nothing seems to work. I’m wondering if I’m overwatering or not providing enough light, but I can’t seem to figure out the right balance. I’ve also been concerned about the type of soil and whether I’m using the right pots for drainage. I really want to create a lush, green space in my home, but I’m starting to lose confidence in my plant-care abilities. I really don’t know whether I should continue with this or just give it up. -- Plant Frustration

DEAR PLANT FRUSTRATION: I have no personal experience to help you; sadly, I have no green thumb. My husband does, though. I watch him as he follows a set schedule for watering the various plants we have. Yes, there is research about sun exposure, water and nutrients. You should continue to read up on the plants you have, but also visit a nursery and ask a lot of questions. Experts tend to relish in sharing tips on plant survival. Commit to learning as much as you can. Get an expert to help you select sturdy plants that don’t need too much attention.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been putting off a big project -- the design for our new municipal hall -- for weeks, and now the deadline is fast approaching. I am in charge of drafting the design, which needs to be revised before the builders begin the construction process. I’m feeling paralyzed by the pressure and overwhelmed by the thought of failure. As the deadline draws closer, I feel more and more stuck, and it’s becoming difficult to get started. I know this is something I need to do, but the fear of not doing it perfectly is holding me back. At times, it feels like I’m making no progress, and at other moments, the pressure becomes too much to bear. I want to push through this procrastination, but I’m unsure how to break the cycle. -- Overcoming Procrastination

DEAR OVERCOMING PROCRASTINATION: Break your project down into small components of the big picture. Figure out what you can do each day to get you closer to your goal. Check off each accomplishment as you move along. This will give you energy and motivation to keep moving. Make sure your map has a finish line that is weeks before your actual deadline so that when you reach it, you still have time to tweak. Ask for help when you need it. Remind yourself that you can do it. You have the capacity to do this work; otherwise, you wouldn’t have gotten the project. Don’t forget this fact as you get closer to completion.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: It’s been a month since I lost my dad, and it's been hard for me and especially my mom. He was the provider for our family -- both financially and emotionally -- and he always taught us to strive to be better every day. Now that he’s gone, I feel as though a huge part of me is missing, and I’m struggling to process the grief. Every day feels like a challenge, and I often find myself overwhelmed with emotions. Some days, it feels like I can’t move forward, while on others, the weight of the pain is unbearable.

I want to be strong for my family, but inside I feel lost and uncertain about how to cope. I know I need help, but I’m not sure where to start or how to even take that first step toward healing. I’m constantly trying to stay strong, but it’s exhausting. Any advice on how I can cope with my emotions and take small steps toward healing would mean the world to me right now. -- Coping With Grief

DEAR COPING WITH GRIEF: Your wound is still fresh. Give yourself time to heal. Mental health professionals believe that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance; no matter what, people have to go through all of them. While we know that death is inevitable for all of us, that reality doesn’t make it easier when it happens to someone close to you. Allow yourself to experience whatever you are feeling.

It’s also important to get help. You can find a grief counselor through your house of worship, your primary care doctor’s referral or even through your insurance company. If you are ever feeling suicidal, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline/National Crisis Hotline at 800-273-8255. You do not have to experience this alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend who is constantly asking to borrow things from me. It started off small, like asking for a phone charger or a sweater, but now it’s escalated to bigger things like $300 loans or valuable items that are hard to replace. She always promises she’ll pay me back or return whatever she borrowed, but more often than not, I never see the item or money again. It’s frustrating because I feel like I’m being taken advantage of, but I don’t know how to handle it. Every time she asks, I find myself saying yes, even when I don’t want to, because I hate confrontation and feel terrible about saying no. I don’t want to ruin our 10-year friendship, but I’m starting to feel resentful. How can I set boundaries with her without coming across as selfish or damaging our relationship? How do I get her to understand that it’s not OK to keep borrowing without returning what she owes? -- Hand Out

DEAR HAND OUT: Your first step should be learning to say NO! You must do it. If you can muster the courage to say why, fine. If not, just say no. No, you can’t lend the money this time. No, she can’t borrow the sweater. No to whatever the request is. Eventually, she may ask why. That’s when you can explain that the "sharing" has always been a one-way relationship where you give and she takes. You’re done with that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)