Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend’s daughter has been struggling with her mental health for some time now, and it’s difficult to watch. She recently made the tough decision to withdraw from college for the semester because she was feeling overwhelmed, and now she’s unsure if she wants to go back at all. It’s heartbreaking because she’s such a bright, ambitious young woman who has always dreamed of becoming a lawyer. I know how much pressure college can put on students, especially those with big career goals like hers, and I completely understand that she needs time to take care of herself. At the same time, I worry that stepping away might make it harder for her to return, and I don’t want her to lose sight of her dreams. I want to be supportive, but I’m not sure of the correct approach. Should I encourage her to take it slow and focus on her well-being, or should I push her -- gently -- to start thinking about her next steps so she doesn’t lose momentum? How can I best support her and her mom during this challenging time without overstepping? -- How To Help

DEAR HOW TO HELP: Be an attentive listener. Remain actively involved in her life. Make regular plans to get together to talk about ideas, and encourage her to think about her future. Do not push her in any direction.

Talk to her mom, your best friend, about what the family wants for her. Do your best to support their decisions. It can get messy when others get entangled in their friends’ challenges. Take on the role of supporter, listener, confidant -- not adviser.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m thinking of moving to a new city. I’ve never done that before, but I’m in my 30s and tired of my hometown. I figure while I am still single and young and don’t have any property or small children to consider, now may be the best time for my big move. In planning a cross-country move, I’m also trying to figure out what kind of work I want to do. Outside of my corporate career, I do makeup, and I wonder if now is the time to bet on myself across the board: make a move and a career pivot. Is that too much change all at once? -- Big Move

DEAR BIG MOVE: Take some time to plan out these next few years. If you want to do makeup for a living, create a portfolio of images that show your work. Build a website to serve in that capacity. Get testimonials from clients whose makeup you have done. Think about how you want to begin a makeup business and what towns may welcome you. For example, you can look at small towns with younger populations. Proms, weddings and special events can be lucrative for makeup services. Larger cities may be more competitive, but they may also present larger markets and greater opportunities for clients.

Research places that interest you and who lives there. Also consider taking a corporate job but establishing a makeup business on the side -- one that focuses on offering services on the weekends and for special events.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My long-term partner and I have built a wonderful life together, but there’s one major issue we can’t seem to resolve, which is whether we want kids. He’s always wanted to have children, and I’ve always been sure that I don’t.

In the beginning of our relationship, this wasn’t a big topic of discussion, but now that we’re getting older, it’s becoming impossible to ignore. He’s made it clear that having a family is important to him, while I can’t imagine my life going in that direction. We love each other deeply and have a strong relationship in every other way, but I’m afraid this difference is too big to overcome. I don’t want to be the reason he gives up his dream of becoming a parent, but I also don’t want to force myself into a role I know I don’t want. Neither of us wants to break up, but I’m struggling to see how we can move forward without resentment or regret. Is there a way to find a compromise on something this big, or are we simply incompatible in the long run? -- At a Crossroads

DEAR AT A CROSSROADS: This is a tough one as it is fundamental to the creation of family. What’s most important is that you talk it out completely. Listen to each other, and see if there is a creative idea that may present a compromise. For example, can you be godparents to your friends’ or siblings’ children so that he can be as integrally involved in a child’s life as they will allow without you having to take on a responsibility that is beyond your capacity? I know people without children who have stepped into that role and experienced profound fulfillment.

If you two cannot come to a meeting of the minds, talk about parting ways. Make this decision together.

From my personal experience, I had decided that I was not going to have children, and my husband knew that. The short version of this story is that 10 years into our marriage, I got pregnant. I now have a 21-year-old daughter and could not be happier. I fully admit that I was wrong. I believe God intervened on my behalf. That said, don’t allow yourself to be forced into anything. That will not work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been a journalist for a few years now. As you know, this line of work can be really unpredictable. About two years ago, I was laid off from my last full-time gig. Since then, I’ve been working freelance doing script writing and copywriting for three to four months at a time. I’ve also been taking brand partnerships as a social media influencer. The money is there, but it is a constant chase and hustle, and to be honest, I think I’m ready to throw in the towel. Journalism is my true love, but I’m considering going to law school and pursuing entertainment law. I’m in need of some stability, but I am 36, so I’d be a 40-year-old first-year lawyer. Should I wait out the storm or move on? -- Sad Journalist

DEAR SAD JOURNALIST: I like the idea of law school. That preparation is good for any career, including journalism, as it will make you an expert in a particular area. You don’t have to give up one to do the other.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been dreaming of traveling solo for a while now, but every time I bring it up, friends and family warn me that it’s too dangerous. They tell me that I should wait until I have a travel companion or join a group trip. While I understand their concerns, I don’t want fear to hold me back from experiencing the world on my own terms.

I do worry that traveling alone might feel isolating. As exciting as it sounds to have the freedom to explore at my own pace, I’m nervous that I might get lonely without someone to share the experience with. I don’t want to spend the whole trip feeling like something is missing or wishing I had someone there with me. I’ve read about people who say solo travel is life-changing and builds confidence, but I wonder if it’s right for me.

How can I make sure I stay safe while also getting the most out of the experience? Should I push past my doubts and go for it, or is it better to wait until I find a travel companion? -- On the Road

DEAR ON THE ROAD: Do not let other people’s fears prevent you from pursuing your dreams. Many people have the fortitude to venture out on their own and do so safely and successfully. For some people, traveling in groups and having to mesh schedules and interests can be painful and seem like a burden. It all depends on your personality. Do not let your loved ones convince you to do what they would find most comfortable.

If you decide to travel alone, take the necessary precautions. Make sure someone has your full itinerary, including contact information for the various places where you will be staying, flight info, etc., as you have it. Do your research to learn about points of interest, areas that are considered dangerous and why, dress codes, costs and customs. One great resource is travel.state.gov -- click Travel Advisories in the banner at the top. Be cautious, even as you can be adventurous.

Be wary of stereotypes, too. For example, I was cautioned about visiting and living in Harlem years ago. I was told it was unsafe. Not only did I visit -- at first in daytime out of caution -- but I ended up moving there. It was and is just as safe as any other neighborhood in the Big Apple.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think you flubbed the last part of your answer to “Bad Choice,” the writer who dated a man at work who then made inappropriate overtures after she dumped him. After she meets with this guy (personally, I think she should skip this part), she should send him an email so that there's a record stating that she is following up on their conversation. She should reiterate that what he is doing is inappropriate, and she is requesting that it stop. She should also let him know that although she would like to maintain the cordial relationship they had prior to the failed dating attempt, if he continues to send inappropriate content, she will escalate with the human resources department. You missed the fact that once she asks him to stop, if he doesn't, it puts the company at risk of a sexual harassment case. Please consider revising your answer, as simply ignoring unwanted advances was not correct for any person -- male or female -- to do. -- Amendment

DEAR AMENDMENT: Strong and fair points. Thank you for sharing your insights.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)