Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought property a few years ago. I’m not happy about how my Realtor operated during that initial transaction, but I kept working with her. She has now asked me to share her details on my personal social pages to help her get more business. Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend her if someone asked me privately, so I don’t care to promote her publicly.

She has made efforts to forge a more personal relationship with me as of late since we have a few mutual friends. So, I don’t want to be blunt or hurtful, but I definitely do not want to promote her. I admit that it's possible she has changed or grown as a Realtor over the years. What should I do? -- Unhappy Client

DEAR UNHAPPY CLIENT: You owe it to yourself and her to tell her the truth about your experience working with her. She is a professional, and clearly she did some things that you did not feel were professionally handled. Tell her. Invite her to meet up with you so that you can talk face to face.

Point out that she has asked you to endorse her on social media, and this got you thinking. While you should have addressed your concerns long ago, you feel you must tell her now that you have apprehensions about her as a Realtor for some specific reasons. Be prepared to list each of your grievances clearly and succinctly so that she can fully understand what you are saying. Acknowledge that you should have told her before, but it felt awkward, so you left it alone. Now you realize it’s important for her to have some honest feedback.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Diabetes seems to be prevalent in my family. At least three people, young and old, in my lifetime alone have been affected. Most recently, one of my uncles had a heart attack that took his life. Ever since then, I’ve been trying to help my family recognize the importance of their health, but no one seems to take it seriously. They indulge in all kinds of bad habits, from fatty foods to unnecessary drinking, and even smoking for some. I am worried about what will happen to us if we continue down this road. How do I get them to prioritize their health? -- Health-Conscious

DEAR HEALTH-CONSCIOUS: You are right to want to sound an alarm for your family. I hope you also know that it takes effort on each person’s part to make a difference for that person’s life. Type 2 diabetes is quite common in this country. Being overweight and sedentary are key contributors to this condition. So, yes, there are things you and your family members can do to improve your overall health and potentially to avoid getting diabetes.

Sadly, our society’s overuse of screens -- computers, video games, television -- is only making us less active, which in turn may be leading more and more Americans into the potential for developing the health problems that love to afflict sedentary bodies. Tell your family. Encourage everyone to get up and move. Start a family walking group or regular exercise regimen. Create a social media group or text chain where you cheer each other on for making the effort to be healthy. Be an example yourself of good health practices.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: About a month ago, I accidentally got my friend sick. I had a bad cold and didn’t realize how contagious I was until she caught it from me. Unfortunately, her symptoms were even worse than mine. She had a high fever and was completely out of commission for days. The worst part is that she was supposed to go on a vacation she had been looking forward to for years. She had saved up for this trip for a long time, carefully planning every detail, but because of how sick she got, she was forced to cancel. Due to her packed schedule, she couldn’t reschedule, meaning all the money she had spent on flights, hotels and activities was lost.

I feel absolutely terrible about the situation. I never meant to ruin her plans, and I’ve tried reaching out multiple times to apologize and check on her, but she won’t respond. She hasn’t spoken to me at all since this happened, and I’m starting to think she’s cutting me out of her life. I don’t blame her for being upset, but I miss her and don’t want to lose our friendship over this. How do I make things right? -- Guilty

DEAR GUILTY: You cannot make your friend respond to you. What you can do is give her time. If you have the means, you could also offer to defray some of the cost of her dream trip. What you learned, unfortunately, is that illness is real. When people are sick, they should stay home and rest. Even if you don’t have COVID-19, what you have might be contagious and harmful to others. Don’t forget the lesson moving forward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband recently got a well-deserved raise at work, and I am so proud of him. He has worked hard for this, putting in long hours and taking on extra responsibilities. When he told me the news, I was thrilled and suggested we do something special to celebrate together -- maybe go out for a nice dinner, take a weekend trip or even just have a fun night at home to acknowledge his accomplishment. To my surprise, he shut me down immediately. He seemed completely uninterested in celebrating with me and instead said he’d rather go out with his friends.

I understand that he wants to enjoy his success with them, but the way he dismissed my excitement hurt my feelings. It felt like I wasn’t even a part of his big moment, even though I’ve been supporting him through all the stress and late nights. I don’t want to seem needy or make a big deal out of this, but I can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t prioritize me over others in his life. Am I overreacting? Should I talk to him about how I feel or just let it go? -- Snubbed

DEAR SNUBBED: You should definitely say something to your husband. Acknowledge that it is great for him to party with his friends, but let him know that you also want to do something special with him. Tell him that it hurt your feelings that he seemed uninterested. You can point out that you have been at his side throughout this process, and you want to celebrate with him. Ask him why he doesn’t want to do that.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor sometimes seeks out my husband before she thinks to call me. She is a bit older than me and my husband, and we’ve been friends for the past 20 years or so, but I wonder why she is so fond of my hubby. She and I hang out sometimes, too, but the other night she seemed to be feeling ill and asked my husband to stop by for support. We live right next to each other. Her husband died recently, and she is getting older, so we often check on her, but I don’t know. I wonder: Is this some strange jealousy, or do I have valid concerns? -- Clingy Neighbor

DEAR CLINGY NEIGHBOR: Trust your instincts. Whether or not it is innocent, it looks like your neighbor is seeking comfort from your man now that she no longer has one. You can use humor to dissipate this. Next time you are in her company, jokingly tell her you’re watching her: “Keep your hands off my man!” or some such. Make it clear to her that you care about her and appreciate her friendship, and you should be her go-to friend.

Alert your husband as well. Point out that your neighbor seems to be extra clingy to him right now. While you trust him, you want him to be aware of what you have observed. You don’t have a problem with them being friends, but you have noticed that she seems to be relying on him more than feels healthy.

Perhaps you can visit her only as a couple for a while. Reset the boundaries in your relationship. Invite her to come over to your home as well. Support her in this time of her life, but make it clear that the two of you are a unit.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a social media influencer. I’m still fairly new to all this. I’ve been on social media for a while, but in the past year or two, things have changed drastically, and my following grew. There are many upsides to having this larger community, but there are a few downsides I wasn’t really prepared for. How do you deal with harsh or negative feedback? How do I create boundaries on a public platform? -- Tough Crowd

DEAR TOUGH CROWD: Establishing values as you build your audience is important. You can let your community know that while you do welcome constructive criticism, you expect people to be respectful. Tell them that if they go too far with vitriolic statements, you will block them. Explain your values clearly so that everyone knows what crossing the line looks like. You have to be clear about this; otherwise, you could get backlash from your audience.

There’s a fine line here, because you want to establish a space where people feel like they can express their opinions. At the same time, you must establish tone and guidelines on what you deem acceptable communication. Figure it out and tell them. Then, when people cross the line, block them.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)