Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went to see a musical that I had been looking forward to for months. The theater was packed, and the performance was absolutely amazing. About halfway through the show, though, I realized I needed to use the restroom. I tried to hold it until intermission, but eventually I just couldn’t wait any longer. Since the theater was dark, I carefully made my way out of my row, trying not to disturb anyone, but as I was walking down the aisle, I didn’t see a small step in the dim lighting. Before I knew it, I lost my balance, stumbled forward and fell hard.

The pain was immediate, and as I tried to stand back up, I realized something was seriously wrong with my ankle. An usher came to help me, and I was eventually taken to the lobby, where staff gave me ice and advised me to seek medical attention. It turns out I sprained my ankle pretty badly. Not only did I miss the rest of the show, but I also had to hobble around in pain for days afterward. The theater didn’t do anything else for me at all, and I can’t help but wonder if legally or morally they should have done more. Am I just being entitled? -- Slip-Up

DEAR SLIP-UP: The theater actually did do something for you: You said they helped you immediately and gave you guidance. It is understandable that you are frustrated, but don’t take your feelings out on them. Unfortunately, you chose to get up and walk around in the dark. What happened is your responsibility, not theirs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately, I’ve noticed that I don’t enjoy going out with my friends as much as I used to. A year ago, I would have jumped at the chance to grab drinks, go to parties or stay out late just to have fun and socialize. Now, however, when they invite me out, I often find myself making excuses or feeling relieved when plans fall through. It’s not that I don’t like my friends -- I still care about them, but I just don’t feel the same excitement about going out anymore.

At first, I thought maybe I was just tired or going through a phase, but this feeling has been consistent for a while now. I don’t necessarily think this change is a bad thing, but at the same time, I realize that I’ve eliminated something from my life that used to be a fun outlet for me. Going out gave me a break from stress, let me unwind and helped me feel connected to people. Now that I don’t do it as much, I worry that I’m isolating myself or that I might eventually lose touch with my friends altogether. How do I adjust to this change without feeling like I’m missing out or distancing myself from the people I care about? -- Isolated

DEAR ISOLATED: Invite your friends to do other things with you. Host a cocktail party at your home. Call on friends individually to check in. It’s OK to evolve. If you want to keep all or just some of your friends, figure out new ways to stay in touch.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Our daughter wants to go away for a study-abroad program this summer. She is in high school, and her only real experience being away from home is the occasional sleepover and sometimes spending a week with her grandparents. Yes, my husband and I are very protective of her. Plus, she hasn’t expressed interest in summer camp or other sleepaway activities, so they haven’t happened. Some of her other friends have done these things. She hasn’t talked about it one way or the other. I figured she wasn’t interested in traveling. I just can’t imagine her exploring a whole new country and being away for over a month!

She’s 16 and really bright, and I recognize why she’s interested. I’m just worried about whether it will be too much for her. College is just two years away, and I want to wait until then, but I also don’t want to rob her of special experiences either. Any suggestions? -- Too Soon To Travel

DEAR TOO SOON TO TRAVEL: Before you say no, do some research. Typically, high school study-abroad programs are very well organized. The school works with a program that sets up all of the logistics, and it is normal for one or more of the instructors from the school to travel with the students. Much to the students’ chagrin, their activities are closely monitored from day to night. While your child could easily get lonely over this extended period of time, the trip itself will surely be exciting and should provide the necessary distraction to keep the loneliness from becoming debilitating.

Talk to your school administrator and parents of students who have participated in the program in the past. Assess as many variables as you can before making a decision. Most important: Talk to your daughter. Find out why she wants to go, what interests her in the program and what she hopes to gain from the trip. Listen to her to discover her motivation. Assess all of that data, and then decide. I recommend it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding the child who hurt their ankle at school: You probably don't spend time in a classroom and may not be familiar with rules for handling pain and injury. If a child claims to have pain, it is supposed to be dealt with, both for the child's immediate welfare and to avoid legal complications in the future. School nurses often have a set of rules for the teacher's reference to use when deciding whether to send the child to the nurse or handle it in the classroom. Classrooms frequently have adhesive bandages for small cuts and sometimes have ice packs. Ice packs are also available from the nurse.

I believe the principal should be told about this incident; the teacher may need a refresher in handling injuries. The medical records will back up what the parent is saying. -- In the Know

DEAR IN THE KNOW: Thank you for this clarification. Hopefully any parents of school-age children who are reading this will take heed. It is wise to learn the protocols at your school for injury and accidents in general. In this way, you will be informed in case of emergency.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I currently live with my boyfriend -- in part because I have nowhere else to go. When we were first dating, I was living alone, but about two years into our relationship I lost my job, and my boyfriend graciously invited me to move in with him. At the time, it felt OK. I didn’t like being in a position of need, but that aside, things were going really well between us, so I felt OK with the change.

Now we’ve been living together for a little over a year. I still haven’t gotten a career job again, but things are starting to feel toxic. I have been working part-time jobs recently because I feel so overwhelmed, but I’m still not financially comfortable enough to move out. What can I do to get out of this situation? -- Toxic Roomie

DEAR TOXIC ROOMIE: Is there anywhere else you can live right now? With your parents? A sibling? Another friend? If you have any alternative, explore that right away so that you can create a situation where you don’t feel trapped or compromised. Explain to anyone you may be able to move in with exactly what your situation is and what you can currently contribute to the household.

Also, talk to your boyfriend. What exactly is toxic about your relationship now? Is it truly about him and his behavior, or could it be due to your personal stress, or a combination of both? Is this something you can talk through, or do you actually need to move? Now may be a time of reckoning for you to deal with reality out in the open. You will need to be vulnerable with him and yourself, which may be perfect. Even if you both agree that it is time for you to move, you can agree on a timeline. Bottom line: communicate.

Above all, if you feel you are in real danger, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Last year, I started partnering with a local business to put on events that allowed for people to get acquainted with new neighbors without all the awkwardness. I struggled piecing this together on my own, but I made it happen! A close friend of mine continued to show a major lack of support (not showing up when she said she would, showing up and being sour, being hyper judgmental about event turnouts, etc.). She told me my events weren’t really "her scene." The past year we’ve been more distant compared to years past.

A few days ago, she invited me to an event she will be hosting at a local business with an emphasis on icebreaking and meeting new people. I know this sounds childish, but I can’t help but feel offended. She was so judgmental toward me and my efforts, and now she is doing the same kind of work. How can I address this without sounding totally immature? -- Unsupported Friend

DEAR UNSUPPORTED FRIEND: Do some sleuthing first. Go to your friend’s event and see what she does. Hopefully she hasn’t stolen any of your ideas. After the event, schedule a time to talk to her. Tell her exactly how you feel -- unsupported during the entire time that you were building your business and duped after she chose to do something similar. Tell her that you do not feel like she has treated you like a friend.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)