Sense & Sensitivity

DEAR HARRIETTE: I think one of my friends might be working for a pyramid scheme. I can’t be sure, but he basically plays the role of a financial adviser and “helps” people invest their money. When they turn a profit, he gets a percentage. The more they invest, the more he gets paid. He offered me his services recently -- encouraging me, really pushing me, to take the leap and invest. I felt uneasy about it, so I did some research, and the company has a horrible reputation according to reviews on Google and the Better Business Bureau. I’m upset because it feels like he was hoping to profit off of my ignorance, but he doesn’t seem to get it. How can I explain to him that his company is taking advantage of vulnerable people? -- Dodging Scams

DEAR DODGING SCAMS: Talk to your friend and keep it personal. Tell him that you wanted to be able to support him in his new business, but something felt off about it to you, so you did some research. Show him what you found. Pull up the Better Business Bureau and Google records. Don’t just tell him your concerns. Let him see for himself what the reviews have been. Express your genuine concern that he is trying to get innocent people, friends even -- just like you -- to invest in something that does not seem safe. Tell him you are uninterested, and further, that you feel it is unethical for him to do this considering what you have learned about the company.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am coming up on the one-year anniversary of losing my mom. I’ve never lost someone so close to me before, and I’m really not all that close with the rest of my family. Part of me wants to do something in her honor. The year went by so fast, perhaps because I’m still grieving. I just don’t know what to do, though. She was cremated, so there’s no burial site to visit, and a party seems weird, but I don’t just want to sit at home alone on the day in question. Have you ever put together any anniversary memorials? What can I do that’s small and intimate, celebratory but still respectful? -- Grieving Son

DEAR GRIEVING SON: Do you have friends or other loved ones who knew your mother? Perhaps you can create a small gathering with people who know you well and would appreciate honoring your mother. Host a small dinner where you serve her favorite foods and have a toast in her honor.

What you do doesn’t have to be fancy. It truly is the thought that counts. You may also want to extend the invitation to family members. You may be surprised that some may want to attend. Your mother’s passing could turn into a renewal of closeness in your family. Who knows?

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went to see a musical that I had been looking forward to for months. The theater was packed, and the performance was absolutely amazing. About halfway through the show, though, I realized I needed to use the restroom. I tried to hold it until intermission, but eventually I just couldn’t wait any longer. Since the theater was dark, I carefully made my way out of my row, trying not to disturb anyone, but as I was walking down the aisle, I didn’t see a small step in the dim lighting. Before I knew it, I lost my balance, stumbled forward and fell hard.

The pain was immediate, and as I tried to stand back up, I realized something was seriously wrong with my ankle. An usher came to help me, and I was eventually taken to the lobby, where staff gave me ice and advised me to seek medical attention. It turns out I sprained my ankle pretty badly. Not only did I miss the rest of the show, but I also had to hobble around in pain for days afterward. The theater didn’t do anything else for me at all, and I can’t help but wonder if legally or morally they should have done more. Am I just being entitled? -- Slip-Up

DEAR SLIP-UP: The theater actually did do something for you: You said they helped you immediately and gave you guidance. It is understandable that you are frustrated, but don’t take your feelings out on them. Unfortunately, you chose to get up and walk around in the dark. What happened is your responsibility, not theirs.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Lately, I’ve noticed that I don’t enjoy going out with my friends as much as I used to. A year ago, I would have jumped at the chance to grab drinks, go to parties or stay out late just to have fun and socialize. Now, however, when they invite me out, I often find myself making excuses or feeling relieved when plans fall through. It’s not that I don’t like my friends -- I still care about them, but I just don’t feel the same excitement about going out anymore.

At first, I thought maybe I was just tired or going through a phase, but this feeling has been consistent for a while now. I don’t necessarily think this change is a bad thing, but at the same time, I realize that I’ve eliminated something from my life that used to be a fun outlet for me. Going out gave me a break from stress, let me unwind and helped me feel connected to people. Now that I don’t do it as much, I worry that I’m isolating myself or that I might eventually lose touch with my friends altogether. How do I adjust to this change without feeling like I’m missing out or distancing myself from the people I care about? -- Isolated

DEAR ISOLATED: Invite your friends to do other things with you. Host a cocktail party at your home. Call on friends individually to check in. It’s OK to evolve. If you want to keep all or just some of your friends, figure out new ways to stay in touch.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Our daughter wants to go away for a study-abroad program this summer. She is in high school, and her only real experience being away from home is the occasional sleepover and sometimes spending a week with her grandparents. Yes, my husband and I are very protective of her. Plus, she hasn’t expressed interest in summer camp or other sleepaway activities, so they haven’t happened. Some of her other friends have done these things. She hasn’t talked about it one way or the other. I figured she wasn’t interested in traveling. I just can’t imagine her exploring a whole new country and being away for over a month!

She’s 16 and really bright, and I recognize why she’s interested. I’m just worried about whether it will be too much for her. College is just two years away, and I want to wait until then, but I also don’t want to rob her of special experiences either. Any suggestions? -- Too Soon To Travel

DEAR TOO SOON TO TRAVEL: Before you say no, do some research. Typically, high school study-abroad programs are very well organized. The school works with a program that sets up all of the logistics, and it is normal for one or more of the instructors from the school to travel with the students. Much to the students’ chagrin, their activities are closely monitored from day to night. While your child could easily get lonely over this extended period of time, the trip itself will surely be exciting and should provide the necessary distraction to keep the loneliness from becoming debilitating.

Talk to your school administrator and parents of students who have participated in the program in the past. Assess as many variables as you can before making a decision. Most important: Talk to your daughter. Find out why she wants to go, what interests her in the program and what she hopes to gain from the trip. Listen to her to discover her motivation. Assess all of that data, and then decide. I recommend it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Regarding the child who hurt their ankle at school: You probably don't spend time in a classroom and may not be familiar with rules for handling pain and injury. If a child claims to have pain, it is supposed to be dealt with, both for the child's immediate welfare and to avoid legal complications in the future. School nurses often have a set of rules for the teacher's reference to use when deciding whether to send the child to the nurse or handle it in the classroom. Classrooms frequently have adhesive bandages for small cuts and sometimes have ice packs. Ice packs are also available from the nurse.

I believe the principal should be told about this incident; the teacher may need a refresher in handling injuries. The medical records will back up what the parent is saying. -- In the Know

DEAR IN THE KNOW: Thank you for this clarification. Hopefully any parents of school-age children who are reading this will take heed. It is wise to learn the protocols at your school for injury and accidents in general. In this way, you will be informed in case of emergency.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)