DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m working as a nanny for a family I really enjoy. The position has been a good fit. The child is wonderful, the hours are manageable and I’ve developed a positive relationship with the rest of the family. However, there’s one issue that’s starting to create some stress for me: Part of my responsibilities include driving the child to and from activities, school and playdates, all using my personal car. When I accepted the job, I assumed that any driving expenses -- like gas and wear and tear on my vehicle -- would be reimbursed, which has been standard in past nanny jobs. However, when I brought up the subject of gas reimbursement with the parents, they brushed it off and said they weren’t willing to cover those costs. While I enjoy working with this family, I can’t afford to cover the cost of gas out of my own pocket. I feel stuck between wanting to continue in a job I love and needing to advocate for fair compensation for my work and expenses. What should I do? -- Expenses Paid

DEAR EXPENSES PAID: Let the family know that as much as you love your job and their child, you cannot afford to finance the child’s transportation. If they are unwilling to pay for their child’s rides, you will need to find another job. Start looking as they consider their options.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When I read your letter to “Day Care Woes,” in which the mother said her son can't stop crying when dropped off at day care, I was reminded of my own experience with a child who wouldn't stop crying.

I was a single mother. When I dropped off my 2-year-old daughter at day care, she wouldn't stop crying unless I held and comforted her for 20 to 30 minutes -- and sometimes longer. I didn't want to leave her in emotional distress. After each day's comforting, eventually my daughter would stop crying and be comfortable enough to walk away.

Every day, the day care worker told me to “just leave.” She said my daughter would be all right eventually. But I trusted my intuition and continued to stay as long as needed. I arrived early enough to comfort my daughter and not be late to work. In a month, my daughter no longer needed comforting and would run happily into the caretaker's house.

Six months later, the caretaker apologized, saying her advice had been wrong. Turns out another of her charges had been doing the same thing -- crying inconsolably at being dropped off -- and the caretaker had given the mother the same advice to just leave him and he'll get over it.

Only then, six months later, he had never gotten over it and would cry for a long time after being dropped off. The caretaker said she was sorry she'd ever given the advice to the other mother because it now looked like the crying was never going to end.

I wonder if “Day Care Woes” was also given bad advice, and if she only needs to take the time to comfort her son each day until he calms down. I imagine that being moved from day care to day care is upsetting the boy as well. His continual crying could be something else, but it might be worth a try. -- Second Opinion

DEAR SECOND OPINION: Great illustration of the value of trusting your gut.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m currently caught in a battle between my sister and my wife. My sister is getting married soon and, unfortunately, does not want my wife to attend. My sister has always been rather protective or defensive of me, but about a year ago, after taking a trip together, my sister decided that she thinks my wife is self-centered. At first, I laughed it off because I disagree. But throughout the year, I’ve noticed that they don’t talk much anymore, and my sister can be a bit unkind to my wife.

Recently, I’ve had to speak up about my sister’s behavior because it makes me uncomfortable. Despite her pettiness, my wife has remained respectful. I am upset that my sister is trying to justify her decision to exclude my wife by saying it's her day and she doesn’t want any drama. My sister and I have always been close, but I won’t allow her to drive a wedge between me and my wife. This should be such a joyous occasion. Is there something I can do to get through to my sister? I don’t want her or my wife’s feelings to be hurt. -- Protective Sister

DEAR PROTECTIVE SISTER: Talk to your wife about it. Get her to weigh in. She knows this is your sister who is getting married. She may welcome not having to go to the wedding and pretending to be comfortable. She may also be perfectly fine with you going. It is your sister, after all. She also could be hurt or sad that at a family function as important as a wedding, your sister would choose to cut her out.

Decide your next steps based on your conversation with your wife. Just make sure that the two of you are united in your decision, and proceed. Ultimately, all of you should work hard to get along as you are becoming family. Sometimes it takes a while for the bond to stick.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I fear that I’ve been neglecting my girlfriend. She hasn’t said anything, and I didn’t even notice -- my friends did. Last year, my mom passed away suddenly, and that turned my whole world upside down. My girlfriend was so good to me during that time. She was there for me every single day, taking care of all the things I couldn’t.

Even though it’s been a while, sometimes I still grieve. When I have those hard days, I don’t notice or pay attention to much else. My friends brought it to my attention that it seems like she is carrying the weight of our relationship. I explained that sometimes it’s hard for me to show up as my best self, and they suggested that I “stop stringing her along.” I love her. I am just going through a tough season. Am I selfish for holding on to my girlfriend knowing that I am not the same partner I used to be? -- Selfishly Grieving

DEAR SELFISHLY GRIEVING: Grief does not have a time limit. No, you shouldn’t leave your girlfriend. Instead, talk to her. Apologize for not being as present as either of you would like. Explain that grieving is taking longer than you imagined. Thank her for being there for you through it all. Pledge to do your best to be more attentive in the days and weeks ahead.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My family and I are gearing up for our annual family vacation. My oldest child is in a relationship and has been badgering me about wanting to bring his girlfriend. I would prefer not to bring her along on an intimate weeklong trip because I feel that her clothing can be rather revealing, and she doesn’t seem shy about PDA. I have two much younger children, and I don’t think they need to be exposed to that on their summer getaway. Besides, I don’t plan to pay for some sort of couples’ trip while the rest of us are trying to catch up and bond.

I shared my stance with my son and explained that it’s OK for some things to be family-only, and he’s now refusing to join us unless I extend an invitation to his girlfriend. My son is already away at college, so his younger siblings really cherish the time they spend with him on these vacations. I’m torn here. Are my concerns unreasonable? -- Vacation Ultimatum

DEAR VACATION ULTIMATUM: Your concerns are valid, but you need to look at the big picture. Talk to your son -- and his girlfriend, if possible. Make it clear that she is welcome if she can dress and behave appropriately for a G-rated audience. That means no skimpy clothing and no overt PDA. Tell them that you get to set the parameters for the trip as it is your family trip. If they are unwilling to comply, she cannot come -- even if that means your family misses out on quality time.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A few years ago, my longtime best friend and I fell out. We grew up together and are the godmothers of each other’s children. But like any long-term relationship, we had our faults. We shared different friend groups, and if I’m being honest, there may have been instances where I felt competitive. It sounds silly -- and it was -- but part of me envied how she was perceived, especially in comparison to how I am sometimes perceived. Oftentimes people describe me as cold or tough or see me as the less compassionate half of a duo. There came a time where my jealousy was harder to hide. Our friends began feeling tension, and as a defense, I began mistreating my best friend. Though our children remain close, she and I are not.

I finally found the courage to admit to myself that I was jealous and wrong for mistreating my friend simply because of my insecurities. Frankly, I now understand why people perceived me the way they did. I want to apologize and I’ve extended olive branches, but she doesn't seem interested in rekindling our friendship. Should I accept the consequences of my actions, or is there something I can do to mend this? -- Long Lost Friend

DEAR LONG LOST FRIEND: It is good that you have the clarity of mind to realize your mistakes as it relates to your friend. While she may never choose to get close to you again, you should make it clear to her what you have learned about your behavior. Write her a letter documenting what a great friend she had been and how you took it out on her. Sincerely express your shame at behaving in that way. Ask for her forgiveness. That’s all you can do.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)