DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister has been living with me for the past 12 years -- ever since she and her husband separated. At first, we were angry with him for how he treated her, but after living with her, my thoughts have changed. I’ve tried to correct her bad habits and set boundaries to keep my family comfortable, but she doesn’t respect me or my rules. She doesn’t contribute anything toward the household needs; she is often disrespectful to me and my husband; and the other day when I told her enough is enough, she told me that I owe her because she paid for my schooling when we were growing up ... 40 years ago! Can you imagine that? She isn’t working right now, so I feel bad putting her out, but I cannot keep sacrificing my peace. Any suggestions? -- Paying My Dues

DEAR PAYING MY DUES: It is time for what some folks call a “come to Jesus” chat with your sister. Explain to her that because she is your sister and she was in need, you took her in 12 years ago to make sure she was safe. While you have no desire to keep score on who has done what, this is a fact. Acknowledge that she was helpful to you in the past, including paying for your education, and tell her you are grateful.

Now your family needs peace, and she refuses to do some basic things that you need to create a peaceful environment. Ask her once again to curb her behavior. If she does not or cannot comply, give her a deadline for moving out. Perhaps there is another family member she can move in with. If not, she may need to look at public housing. There is always a way, even if it’s awkward.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday is coming up, and I would love to celebrate with my friends. I’ve done my best to make affordable, convenient plans in hopes of making things more feasible for my guests. I reached out to my best friend and asked her what she thought about the restaurant I’d like to go to, and her response was, “You know I have a baby now, but I’ll let you know.” I wasn’t really sure what to make of this. Does that mean the restaurant is not child friendly? Or is it too expensive? Or is she not available on that date? I didn’t push or pry, but I do feel offended. She normally has lavish birthday celebrations, not to mention her birthday lands on New Year’s Eve, which automatically makes it way more expensive. Is it too much to ask for her to reciprocate when my birthday comes around? -- Birthday Blues

DEAR BIRTHDAY BLUES: Go back to your friend and ask her what her comment meant. Be direct. Tell her you want to figure out a way to celebrate your big day and you want her help. You can point out that she always throws lavish parties, but you want to do something more modest so that everyone can participate. Ask for her input.

Know, too, that when people have young children, their priorities often change dramatically. She may not realize how disconnected she is from you at this moment. Ask her to pay attention to your needs for a moment. Hopefully she will.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m going through a bit of a rough patch in my career. I’m still searching for what’s next, but it feels like everyone around me keeps receiving new opportunities. The other day I worked alongside one of my friends, and she shared with me that she had gotten a new job with an amazing brand that we both know and love. I was so happy for her. We had both lost our jobs at a similar time, so this is a long-awaited victory. While we worked together, she had a client meeting, and I got to see her in action. It was amazing, but I couldn't help feeling a bit of sadness come over me. It didn’t feel as intense or angry as envy, but I realized that I was jealous, and that had me feeling down on myself. I went home feeling bad about my career and feeling guilty for being jealous of my friend. I know comparison is a slippery slope, so how can I avoid it? -- Career Troubles

DEAR CAREER TROUBLES: It is natural for you to feel a bit deflated when you see someone excel when you are feeling vulnerable. I find meditation to be helpful to reset your frame of mind. Instead of allowing yourself to fall into a pity pit, sit quietly and settle yourself. Take three deep, cleansing breaths, and invite your being to be refueled with confidence and light. Invite wisdom to fill you and help guide you to what’s next. Afterward, look again for potential next steps. Let patience be your friend, and do your best to extract the good from every experience, including that of friends who are excelling. Notice what they are doing right, and do your best to emulate that.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I made the mistake of lending a friend money. This is someone I’ve been close with for over 20 years. His latest business endeavor is opening a local bar. When we worked together in finance, he had an interest in hospitality, so I was happy to hear that he was finally bringing that to life. Along the way, he spoke to me about a small loan of several thousand dollars. While I couldn’t give him all that he asked for, I trusted him enough to lend him a few thousand. He assured me that in six months, he’d pay me back in full. Seven months later, I reached out to him asking about progress on the bar and an update on his repayment, and he asked if he could pay me back over the next 18 months. I reminded him of our agreement and told him that’s an unreasonable repayment plan for a lump sum of money he got all at once. Is there a way to accommodate my friend without completely tanking our relationship? -- Payment Plan

DEAR PAYMENT PLAN: Whether or not you put your foot down, it is unlikely that your friend will come up with the money you loaned him any sooner. He miscalculated how quickly he would recover the debt. This is the risk that comes with lending money. Your friendship doesn’t have to end, though you may not want to lend him money again. Unless you can afford to lose it, lending money to loved ones is dangerous. It’s better to give them what you can afford to give, thereby avoiding the risk of disappointment and financial insecurity.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m really struggling with a situation involving my toddler. She’s normally sweet and affectionate at home, but lately, her day care provider has told me she’s been trying to hit other children during playtime. This behavior has become more frequent, and I’m starting to get concerned -- not just about the other kids, but about what this says about her development and emotional regulation. We’ve tried talking to her about how hitting hurts others and isn’t acceptable, and we’ve used timeouts and redirection techniques, but nothing seems to be sticking. I feel embarrassed when I pick her up and hear about another incident, and I worry that the day care staff and the other parents are judging her or think I’m not doing enough. I know toddlers are still learning how to manage their emotions and communicate their needs, but I’m not sure what else I should be doing. I want to raise a kind and respectful child, and this aggressive behavior is making me feel like I’m failing somehow. How do I guide her through this phase in a way that’s effective and loving? -- Out-of-Control Toddler

DEAR OUT-OF-CONTROL TODDLER: First, talk to the leadership of the day care and whoever works directly with your child. Ask about any incidents that may have sparked her behavior. Ask them to partner with you to observe what may be triggering her.

Next, visit your pediatrician to get a checkup. Find out if there are any health issues that might have sparked this behavior. You might also ask for a psych evaluation. Continue to offer loving support as you reinforce and model healthy behavior.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am writing related to your initial response to "True Friendship," the reader whose friend pretended not to know them when they fell. One of the first things you said to the reader was that you wondered if they had been drinking and that it was possibly a trigger for the friend who kept on walking. If a person drinks themselves to the level of falling in public, that's one thing. However, people fall for many reasons, and perpetuating the "drunk falling in public" trope when there are often more health-related issues at play is worrisome and frustrating. I have a connective tissue disorder and have fallen in public multiple times. It's always embarrassing. I have a friend with a chronic illness who is prone to fall if she moves too quickly from a seated position. Neither of us ever imbibes alcohol, yet we both fall in public. Your suggestion about checking to see if anything is amiss is a good one; I didn't know about my connective tissue disorder until I had fallen in public multiple times and thought that was how the rest of my life was going to be. I know you have only so much space in which to respond to a person, but immediately returning the perceived blame back on to the person who wrote to you felt uncalled for and was an unhelpful use of your wisdom and experience. -- Other Reasons

DEAR OTHER REASONS: You and others have admonished me about the alcohol assumption. I accept your pushback. Thank you for pointing out other reasons the reader may have fallen. Most important related to the original question is that friends who are with friends who fall need to have their back -- not ever turn away.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)