DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in midtown Manhattan, and as you probably know, there was a mass shooting there recently. New York City is known for its chaos, but this still feels so unreal to me. I work in the building immediately next door to the one this gunman targeted. Luckily, I happened to leave work just early enough to avoid the awful experience that day, but for some reason, I am still rattled. I have had a really difficult time going back to my office. I feel uneasy and paranoid, if I’m being honest. As I commute into work, my mind races with panicked thoughts. This is new to me. My train ride is usually when I read or listen to soothing music before starting my day, but now it’s a whirlwind of thoughts and worries, which makes for a bad start to my day. Why am I feeling so panicked when this technically didn’t happen to me? -- Trauma Adjacent

DEAR HARRIETTE: My dad is diabetic. My siblings and I all live separately, so we hadn’t realized that he was neglecting his medication. We learned of this only when my mom called us to the hospital and told us that our dad had had a stroke. Thankfully, it was minor (so the doctors say). He regained all movement in his body after a day, but he has temporarily lost vision in his left eye.

My dad is in his 60s. To me, he is too young to be experiencing this. He told us that he does his best to remember to take his medication, but it is not his priority. He has the option to retire, but he chooses not to. I’ve tried pleading with him the past few weeks, but he’s headstrong and doesn’t like it when we hover or send him reminders. I understand that his work is important to him; I just wish his life was, too. How can I get through to my dad? -- Hard-Headed Dad

DEAR HARD-HEADED DAD: Can your mom help monitor your father’s actions? As difficult as this may be, he does need to take his medication on time. Perhaps she can organize it for him and offer it to him on a schedule. Does his insurance allow for an outside agency to come in to monitor his medicine? At least while he’s recovering from the stroke, it would be extremely helpful for him to be aided in this capacity. Check to see what his insurance will allow in terms of caregiving.

Apart from that, sit down and talk with him and your mother. Let him know how much he is loved and how important it is for him to be more vigilant about his health. Encourage him to step up for himself -- and for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Over the past three years, my ex and I have found our way back to friendship. When we first broke up, we left each other alone, which was probably for the best. Lately, we check in from time to time and cheer each other on in new endeavors. About a month ago, I found myself in a jam: My car broke down late at night, and I needed a lift. I called my ex in hopes that he was out. He was, but he did not appreciate me calling while “in need.” I found my own way home, but he eventually reached out after weeks of us not speaking to tell me how confused he is. Apparently, conversation is OK, but asking for favors sends a different message. Is it possible to have a healthy friendship with this person, given our history and our current misunderstanding, or are there too many complex emotions for a simple friendship to be possible? -- It’s Complicated

DEAR IT’S COMPLICATED: Clearly, there are still some lingering feelings in the air between you two. Even though you have moved on, the heart is a funny thing. The confusion points to the possibility that something may be stirring. That said, when you were clearly in need, the fact that your ex left you hanging is terrible. He could have picked you up and dropped you off without opening the way for any other type of interaction. To leave you stranded seems selfish. This suggests that he cannot handle being your friend. My advice is to back off -- for now, anyway.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am heading back to college soon, and this will be my second year living off campus. During the summer, I sublet my room and came home for a paid internship. I’ve been saving up my money so that I can be prepared once I’m back on campus and minimize my loans. In preparation for the upcoming semester, my dad let me know how proud he was of me and my first paid internship at a major company, and he offered to help me with rent for the next few months. He made it clear that he won’t be paying in full, and I made it clear that I intend to find at least a part-time job once I get back to school. For some reason, though, my mom seems against it. She hasn’t said so explicitly, but whenever my dad reminds her to write the check or Zelle me, she avoids doing it in the moment and seems to conveniently “forget.” I really don’t like asking, but my dad says when someone offers you something, it’s important for me to show up and do my part to take it. I feel awkward asking repeatedly, and I’m not sure why my mom is making me. -- Rent Assistance

DEAR RENT ASSISTANCE: Why not talk to your mom directly? Remind her of what you are doing and of the agreement you made with your dad. Point out that you are not expecting them to fully cover your expenses, but you made your plans based on your dad's promise, and their support is crucial to your life for these next months. Ask her why she is reluctant to help and if there is something you can do to make her feel more comfortable.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 13-year-old daughter has recently started refusing to attend family gatherings like birthday parties or Sunday dinners at my parents’ house. She says they’re “boring, fake and a waste of time.” I understand that she’s a teenager and trying to find her own identity, but it’s really starting to hurt my parents’ feelings. They miss her and have mentioned that they feel like she doesn’t care about spending time with them anymore.

I’ve tried explaining to my daughter how important family is and how these events aren’t just about fun; they’re about staying connected to those who matter to us. She just shuts down or rolls her eyes. I don’t want to force her to come and make things even more awkward, but I also don’t want to let her completely disconnect from the family. How do I navigate this without pushing her further away or upsetting my parents even more? Is this just a phase, or should I be concerned about something deeper going on? -- Awkward Teen

DEAR AWKWARD TEEN: First, make sure that nothing has happened between your daughter and your parents to cause her not to want to spend time with them. Shy of an egregious incident between them, my recommendation is that you let your daughter know that you need her to show up and be respectful at these family events; they are not optional. If she refuses, take away a privilege that she values, like visiting with friends or using social media.

Yes, teens can go through tremendous emotional turmoil, but that should not give them a pass to be disrespectful to others, especially their grandparents. Do not tolerate it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a son who is still living at home after finishing college. He has a job and is looking for a better one in his field of interest, but it’s slow going. I appreciate that he is making the effort. What he has not been good at is helping around the house. When he isn’t working, he is sleeping or playing video games or doing something other than contributing to the household. This is partly my fault. I didn’t require him to do dishes or laundry when he was growing up, but I need him to chip in now. How can I get him to take my requests seriously? -- Time To Help Out

DEAR TIME TO HELP OUT: Sit down with your son and talk about the rules of your household. Acknowledge that you didn’t have as many requirements of him when he was a child, but you need him to step it up now. Give him a few chores that he should do each day and some that should be done weekly. Remind him until it becomes second nature to him (if it ever does). Try not to get angry when he slips up. Since he hasn’t learned the discipline yet, you can expect him to give you attitude or to forget. Just keep reminding him that he is part of your household, and he needs to pull his weight.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)