DEAR HARRIETTE: I live with my boyfriend. We rent an apartment together and split all of our expenses. I’ve been able to save up, and now I am interested in investing in real estate. I don’t know what that means for me and my boyfriend, though. I mentioned my interest to him a few months back to see what he thinks, and he thinks real estate would be great for “us.” At this time, I don’t intend to purchase property with my boyfriend. It doesn’t feel wise to me. If we were married or at least engaged, I’d feel differently.

My boyfriend has brought it up a few times since our first conversation, so I explained my stance, and he doesn’t think our relationship status should be what hinders us from making a good investment together. He said he’s happy to do things separately if that’s what I really want, but now I fear I’ve thrown a wrench in our relationship. Am I seeing this all wrong? Is purchasing a home together much different than being on a lease together? -- Major Investment

DEAR MAJOR INVESTMENT: It sounds like you two need to have a different conversation. What do you want for the future? Do you want to be in a committed relationship with each other? Do you want to get married? Does he? What does your future look like in your mind’s eye?

Yes, a mortgage is more permanent and serious than a lease, but many couples buy property together without being married. You two need to deal with the future of your relationship before tying up more resources together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has recently been talking nonstop about moving out of Los Angeles and starting over in the suburbs. He says he’s tired of the traffic, the noise, the cost of living -- basically all the things that make L.A. what it is -- and he wants more space, a yard and what he calls a “calmer life.” The problem is, I love where we live. My job is here, my friends are here and, honestly, I’m energized by the city. I grew up in a small town, and the idea of going back to suburbia makes me feel like I’m losing a piece of myself. We’ve gone back and forth about it, but every conversation turns into an argument. He keeps saying I’m being stubborn, and I feel like he’s not hearing how big of a change this would be for me. I worry that if I give in, I’ll resent him later, but if he stays, he’ll resent me. We’ve even started avoiding the topic because we’re afraid of another blowup, which feels unhealthy. How do we find common ground when we want completely different lifestyles? What happens if neither of us is willing to compromise? -- To Move or Not To Move

DEAR TO MOVE OR NOT TO MOVE: This is a tough one. Someone is going to need to compromise. One thing I know is that there are many suburbs around Los Angeles, and you may be able to find a neighborhood that you both like, one that is not too far away but that affords a bit more space and comfort. It is worth driving around and looking. If you at least offer to consider his idea, it may open him up to reconsidering yours.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My adult daughters absolutely refuse to call or visit their father, and it’s become a constant point of tension in our family. I’m still married to him, and while they love me, they make it clear they want nothing to do with him. They grew up watching me handle almost everything in the household all while working full time. Meanwhile, their dad was emotionally distant and rarely helpful, and he often acted like any family responsibility was an inconvenience. Now that they’re older, they tell me that he’s selfish and that I deserve better. They insist I should divorce him and “start fresh,” but they don’t understand how complicated that feels at my age. I’ve spent decades with this man. I don’t want to be lonely, and I don’t want to divide the family even further, but the idea of starting over is overwhelming. At the same time, I’m tired of being stuck in the middle. My daughters think I’m making excuses for him, and my husband gets defensive whenever I bring up their feelings.

I feel like I’m being pulled in two different directions: loyalty to the man I built a life with and loyalty to my daughters who only want what they think is best for me. How do I navigate this without alienating either side? How do I make peace with the fear of being alone if I’m starting to wonder whether my daughters might actually be right? -- In the Middle

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Your adult daughters can make their own choices about how they interact with their father as long as they are respectful. They cannot force you to do anything. You should assess your life carefully and decide what you want for your later years. It may be scary to leave, but would that be best? If so, plot it out. If not, make peace with what you have. Thank your daughters for their concern, but let them know you have to live your own life.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It’s been about two years since my mom passed away. The “big C” had its way with her. Before she died, she gave my siblings and me everything she had, everything she could think of. She purchased a large home for us and left everything else in a trust for the four of us to share. Most of us were already settled, so only my youngest sister inhabited the new home our mom gave to us. The home was paid in full, so she’s responsible for paying the taxes only. We found out that for the past year, our youngest sister has defaulted on paying the taxes. The rest of us want to repay her debt and sell the home, but she refuses. The home is in all our names, so we can’t move forward without her cooperation. How do you reason with someone who simply doesn’t care? -- Wake Up

DEAR WAKE UP: This may be the time when you get a lawyer to intervene. Find out what the debt implications are. What happens if the bills aren’t paid? Let her know this -- or have an attorney explain it to her. You may need to sue her to gain control over the property. While this will likely cause dissension in the family, it may be necessary. Otherwise, you may all lose the treasured family home.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 75-year-old woman who has lived in the same charming walk-up apartment in New York City for more than 40 years. This place has seen me through marriage, motherhood, widowhood and every season of my life. Recently, the three flights of stairs have become almost impossible for me to manage. My knees ache, I get winded easily and I find myself dreading leaving the apartment because I know I’ll have to climb back up. My doctor has recommended I look for housing with an elevator or move closer to family, but the thought of leaving my neighborhood, my friends, my routines, my sense of independence -- well, it breaks my heart. I can’t imagine myself anywhere else. At the same time, I know staying here isn’t sustainable or safe. I’ve even tripped once or twice on the stairs, which scared me more than I’d like to admit.

I feel stuck between practicality and the emotional attachment I have to the place I’ve called home for nearly half my life. I don’t want to lose my independence, but I also don’t want a fall or to have health issue force a decision I didn’t make intentionally. How do I make peace with the idea of leaving the home I love, and how do I know when it’s truly time to go? -- What Is Home?

DEAR WHAT IS HOME?: When my mother was about to move out of our family home where she had lived for more than 30 years, she told us that wherever she went was where home was. I’ve never forgotten that concept. As hard as it may be to leave the familiar, trust that you can bring home with you -- your spirit, your thoughtfulness, yourself. It may be bumpy at first, but I would highly recommend you find a safer place to live as soon as possible and build community there. You can do it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are divorced, and my sibling and I go back and forth to each of their homes. We recently went on vacation with my dad and learned from him that one of his pieces of luggage had inadvertently been left at my mom’s house. I guess one of us grabbed it and took it with us. He wants it back, but I don’t have a way to get it to him, and my parents don’t speak. In a way, it’s not a big deal -- we always shared luggage when we lived together as a family, and a piece that matches our family set just ended up in the wrong place -- but it’s weird that he feels he can’t come over and just get it. Divorce is so awkward. Do I need to tell my mother to give him back his bag? -- Managing Divorce

DEAR MANAGING DIVORCE: If the luggage belongs to your dad, just have it with you the next time you see each other. If he needs it sooner, he can fetch it himself. Don’t make it a big deal, because it isn’t. Navigating the ins and outs of divorce is difficult for everyone involved, but you can do it. Let this be a simple one.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)