DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I decided to take a break because I felt consistently unheard in our relationship. No matter how many times I tried to express my needs, it seemed like they never truly landed, and I reached a point where I needed distance for my own emotional well-being. Now something heartbreaking has happened: His father passed away suddenly. Even though we’re separated, I can’t stop thinking about him and what he must be going through. A part of me wants to reach out, offer support and be there for him the way I always was when we were together. Another part of me wonders if doing that would betray the boundaries I set for myself when I stepped away. Should I be there for him in this moment of loss, or should I respect the space we agreed on and trust that someone else in his life will show up for him instead? -- Emotionally Unavailable

DEAR EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE: Reach out to him. The death of a parent can be devastating for a person. If ever there is a time when a person needs a loved one, it is now. Contact him. Express your condolences. Ask if you can do anything to help. Be actively supportive.

At the same time, remember that this is a vulnerable time for you and your ex, and you will be doing what you always do -- tend to him. Chances are, he will appreciate you greatly, and tender feelings could resurface. Do not expect him to change. Resist falling back into a relationship with him. Help him through this period, and either move on or let him know the conditions under which you would stay.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried about my friend’s hygiene and that it might have bigger implications. I'm visiting from out of town and I stayed at his place. After a few days of sightseeing, we decided a sabbatical was in order, so we stayed in for the next three days. I thought it was a healthy choice to relax, binge watch some movies and indulge in some snacks, but during this time, he didn’t shower at all, and the scent was alarming. His bedsheets were unclean, and the delivery person for our takeout knew him by name. Before staying with him and getting this personal POV of his lifestyle, I thought everything was OK, but now I wonder if something is wrong. I’ve heard that sometimes things like overindulging on TV, overeating and poor hygiene can be signs of depression. How should I approach this? -- Brink of Depression

DEAR BRINK OF DEPRESSION: Your friend could simply be a slob. There are people who don’t have good hygiene. He certainly is one of them, but he could also have an emotional problem. This will be hard for you to sort out. Stay in touch with him more. Ask him about his life and his goals. Talk to him about your plans for the future, and encourage him to make some of his own.

If you are up for it, consider going back to visit so you can check on him. This time, challenge him about taking a shower and cleaning up. Jump in and help him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My parents are coming to visit me for Christmas in New York City, and I really wanted to do something nice for them by booking an Airbnb or hotel so they could have their own space and be comfortable. I tried to plan everything myself to make the visit special, but I ended up waiting too long. Now the prices are sky-high -- completely out of my budget -- and I’m panicking. I feel embarrassed because I had plenty of time to prepare, and I don’t want my parents to think I’m irresponsible or that I don’t care about making their trip enjoyable. I’m also stressed because my apartment is small, and having them stay with me for several days is going to be cramped and uncomfortable for all of us. I’m torn between telling them the truth and trying to scramble for a last-minute deal that I can barely afford. I just don’t know how to navigate this without disappointing them or putting myself in a financial hole. How do I handle this situation gracefully and still make their holiday visit feel special? -- Expensive Christmas

DEAR EXPENSIVE CHRISTMAS: This may be the most expensive time of the year for tourists in New York City. Even if you had booked sooner, prices would have been high because tourists flock to the city at this time. Try to widen your search to cities in New Jersey that are an easy train ride to Manhattan. You may find a better deal there.

Speak to your parents right away. Explain that you have yet to find an affordable place for them to stay. Don’t give up the search, but tell them you don’t think you will be able to cover all the costs. Work it out together so that you can salvage their trip.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It is time to divide up my father’s belongings among the family. He passed away a few months ago, and we have to get rid of his stuff. I have one sibling who is “in charge” of organizing everything, and I feel like he is taking over. My dad did not leave a will, so we are just taking what we want, but I can't help but feel like my sibling has picked over everything already and left the rest of us with the dregs. I don’t mean to feel like this, but I don’t think this is being handled equitably. How can I address this without causing a family fight? -- No Will

DEAR NO WILL: Speak to your brother. Let him know how sensitive this is for you and the rest of the family. Your father’s death was a blow, and going through his things is emotional. Thank him for taking the lead on handling your father’s estate. That is not an easy job. Tell him that while you are grateful, you are also concerned that he is making choices about things that he wants before the rest of the family can even see the items. Ask him to have everything on view so that the whole family can see it all. He can point out what he would like to keep, but ask him to give the rest of you a chance to know what’s there.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been struggling with chronic fatigue for way too long. After the pandemic, I spent about four years working strictly from home. It had its pros and cons -- one of those cons being me struggling to maintain normal energy outside of my home. I guess I am no longer used to the hustle and bustle of commuting and being on high alert in heavily populated settings. I now work in person in New York City and have been getting back into the swing of public transportation, speed walking and staying awake! I used to work for 10 hours straight while at home, but for some reason, I find myself nodding off now that I’m in the office. I don’t want to come off as a bad hire or incompetent, so I need to figure this out ASAP. I’ve tried incorporating vitamins into my regimen, going to sleep earlier and avoiding screens before bed, but I’m still struggling. Any advice for managing my fatigue? -- Low Energy

DEAR LOW ENERGY: Start by getting a physical examination to make sure that your body is healthy. Talk to your doctor about how you are feeling, and ask for recommendations to support your new routine.

Next, map out things you can do during the workday to up your energy. Typically, people get a bit lethargic after lunch and toward late afternoon. Can you take a 15-minute break right before you normally get sluggish and take a vigorous walk outside your building? If not, go into the restroom and do a few jumping jacks to get your blood flowing. Drink lots of water. Every hour, stand up for a few minutes, stretch and move your body. When you begin to feel sleepy, get up and walk around in the office. Schedule a few minutes for brief socializing where you talk to co-workers. This can help you get to know them and keep you alert.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m having a tough time figuring out my relationship status. My partner and I agreed to have an open relationship, but in reality, neither of us has ever acted on it. Recently, I met someone I like, and it’s the first time I’ve wanted to explore a connection outside of my relationship. The problem is that I feel guilty -- almost like I’m doing something wrong, even though we agreed this was allowed. Is it normal to feel this conflicted? How do I honor my existing relationship while also being honest about my feelings and curiosity? -- Torn but Curious

DEAR TORN BUT CURIOUS: Think through the what-ifs. If you genuinely like your partner and want to be in a monogamous relationship with them, now is the time to make that known. Have a conversation with them where you acknowledge that you have an attraction to someone else, but you realize you are concerned about acting on it because you are committed where you are. Be open and honest with your partner.

Part of your apprehension may be that if you open the door to this other person, there’s a chance you may grow to like them. Then what? Part of being in a monogamous relationship is that you keep that door closed and choose to focus only on each other intimately. Express your concern that you aren’t sure you want to risk the consequences that may come after that breach of boundaries. Talk to your partner and discover how they feel about it. This can be an eye-opening conversation that will lead you to understand what choice is best for you.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)