DEAR HARRIETTE: My company recently hired a new entry-level colleague to our team, and I am annoyed that I am the one who has to train her. She graduated from college last May, and this is her first job. I understand that she is not expected to know anything, but our work is fast-paced, and it's frustrating to have to slow down for her to take the time to understand what’s going on. When I explain a task or walk her through a process, it doesn’t seem to click a lot of the time. As a result, I end up repeating myself or redoing work that I thought I had already explained, which adds to my own workload and stress.

When I first started working 15 years ago, I was just as clueless, so it’s hard for me to stay mad, especially since my new colleague genuinely wants to learn and do a good job, but it’s still annoying. I worry that constantly accommodating her learning curve is impacting my own performance and will affect my end-of-year bonus.

How do I balance being a supportive teammate and protecting my own time at work? Should I talk to my boss about the situation or try and continue training my colleague as best as I can? -- Reluctant Coach

DEAR RELUCTANT COACH: Pick specific times of the day when you will coach this employee. Tell her that you want to structure your interaction to make both of you more efficient. Suggest that she gather her questions and thoughts, consider her options and present you with her needs and challenges at those points in the day. This may help her to develop some independence and troubleshoot for herself.

You can also talk to your supervisor to ask for suggestions on how to support this employee more effectively. Don’t sound frustrated, though. Calmly share your concern and request support.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently met someone, and I am thrilled. I haven’t been in a relationship in years. When we attempted to get intimate, though, we had a major problem. I am a woman of a certain age, and it was too uncomfortable for successful penetration. We have tried a few times since with no success. I was shocked, as was my partner. This is so embarrassing. I didn’t know this could happen.

I’ve tried over-the-counter creams, but they didn’t work. There are so many of them, I don’t know what to choose. I’m afraid I will lose my guy if I can’t fulfill this part of our relationship. What can I do? -- Too Tight

DEAR TOO TIGHT: Make an appointment with a gynecologist who can examine you and make recommendations, including possible hormone therapy. Your condition is common for post-menopausal women and can often be remedied. Doctors suggest that estrogen replacement is what may partially reverse what is known as vaginal atrophy. Talk to your doctor and find out what may work for you. Ask your partner to be patient; there are other ways to satisfy that aspect of a relationship, and you can explore them in the meantime.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 19-year-old daughter is insecure about how she looks. She cries all the time and blames me for her appearance. I have no clue how to help her because every time I say that she is beautiful, she says I’m only saying that because I’m her mother. She is surrounded by social media images, unrealistic beauty standards and constant comparisons, and I fear that these influences have shaped how she sees herself way more than I ever could.

I feel helpless watching her struggle with such intense self-criticism at such a young age. I worry about how deeply rooted these feelings are and whether they will follow her into adulthood. I don’t know how to support her in a way that reaches her without making her feel dismissed or misunderstood. I asked her if she would like to go to therapy to help her gain confidence in herself, but she said that she is not interested. How can I help my daughter build confidence and self-worth when she doesn’t believe anything positive I say and refuses professional help? -- Self-Confidence

DEAR SELF-CONFIDENCE: Your daughter needs to see images beyond the beauty standards on social media to begin to gain a better view of herself. Take her to museums where there are images of people from around the world. Look for exhibitions that showcase different representations of beauty.

AI can be your friend in this situation: Go to ChatGPT or the like and upload your daughter’s photo. Ask who she looks like, and then see what images pop up. It will help her see that she is not alone. Remind her that many images she sees online have been manipulated in some way, and often the people she sees on her phone don’t look like that in real life.

Beauty is relative, and you want her to get to understand that. Friends of mine who just got married began their relationship because one of them, an artist, noticed the other, a writer, and thought she looked like an African sculpture. Classic standard of beauty? No, but Julia represented timeless African beauty to Jimmy, and they ultimately married many years later.

Your daughter needs to “find her tribe.” Her unique beauty will be appreciated somewhere. Meanwhile, remind her what my mother used to say: “Beauty is as beauty does.” True beauty exists within you based on how you treat people, not how you look.

DEAR HARRIETTE: A former boyfriend is having a big birthday, and I want to do something for him. The problem is that he stopped talking to me months ago. We had an argument, and he ghosted me. Later, though, he sent me an informational message on social media, but we have had little communication besides that. I’m not trying to reignite our relationship; I just want to do something nice for him for his birthday. What would be appropriate? -- Birthday Boy

DEAR BIRTHDAY BOY: Don’t go overboard. Clearly, he wants to keep his distance from you. Send him a chipper text wishing him a special day. Ask for nothing and expect nothing. You need to let him go.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is throwing a retirement party for her mom. My parents were invited, so I thought it would be OK to ask my friend if I could tag along. She responded by telling me how much it hurt her not to be invited to my mom’s retirement party a couple of months back. For context, our families have been super close for nearly 20 years. Her parents were in attendance, as well as some other mutual friends, so she couldn’t make sense of why she wasn’t included.

I completely understand where she was coming from and why she felt left out. We did a small dinner party with limited guests for my mom, but one of my other best friends did attend. I apologized profusely and she accepted, but I know the hurt is still there. Things have changed a bit over the years, especially since this friend got married and became a mother. I didn’t mean to exclude her, but I can see how much my decision hurt her. How can I make it up to my friend? -- Forgotten Friend

DEAR FORGOTTEN FRIEND: Do you see the irony in this situation? The only difference seems to be that your friend didn’t ask you in the moment if she could come to your mother’s celebration. The question remains: Why didn’t you invite your best friend to your mother’s event? It’s perfectly understandable that her feelings would be hurt. If it was due to limited space, perhaps you should have discussed it with her, especially since you invited another friend to attend.

Apologize from the deepest place in your heart. Tell her you did not mean to hurt her. Admit that you have not felt as close since her life has changed. Acknowledge that you miss her and want to repair the rift.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My birthday is around the corner, and my friends keep asking me what I want to do. Honestly, this past year was pretty rough on me, and it was a long, lonely road. At every bend, I had to pick myself up. It was disappointing because when I shared with friends how tough things were for me, it seemed like it went over their heads. People weren’t checking in or being supportive. It may have been that my friends were fighting their own battles, so I want to give grace, but I don’t want them to show up for me only for the good times.

I’ve decided I want to celebrate my birthday alone this year. Should I be transparent with my friends and tell them why? What are some ways I can celebrate myself and get my aura back on track? -- Party of One

DEAR PARTY OF ONE: If you want a solo party because you really want to be alone, go for it, but if it is to punish your friends, don’t. That will backfire on you. Instead, schedule a time to talk to your friends to express your sadness and feelings of isolation over the past year.

In terms of solo activities, what do you enjoy? You could take yourself out to lunch or dinner. What about a visit to a local museum for a special art show or a date at the movies to see a new film? The same goes for a play or other live performance where you can be fully engaged and not feel awkward being by yourself.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)