DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year around this time, I find loads of people, online and off, arguing that gift cards are thoughtless gifts. I’m sick and tired of this debate and would like it to stop.

If a gift card is bought at a place someone actually shops at, I don’t see how it could possibly be thoughtless. Especially if it’s a store the giver themselves would normally not step foot in. For instance, there are stores that I despise, but if the person I’m getting the gift for loves them, then by gum, I’ll get them a gift card there and not force my favorite stores on them.

So-called “real” gifts can be incredibly thoughtless. The shirt that is too small to encourage the receiver to lose weight, for example. I’ve had many people give me things they know I hate, such as CDs of singers I would never listen to or DVDs of movies I’ve already said I cannot stand, and they try to bully and force me to like them. I’d much rather have a gift card, thank you.

People also need to consider that not everyone can spend hours shopping for the perfect gift. My mother, who is disabled, finally realized that it was just better to give gift cards because she can’t get around like she used to and many salespeople treat her terribly, simply because she’s in a wheelchair. One even made her cry after being extremely high-pressure while treating her as less than human.

So can we PLEASE put an end to this fight once and for all? Gift cards are not thoughtless -- unless you get it for a store the receiver hates, but you love.

GENTLE READER: What an appalling amount of nastiness you have experienced in connection with the supposedly kindly practice of exchanging presents.

Must you keep up the custom with horrid people who delight in giving you things you hate? Was that unspeakable clerk who insulted your mother reported to her superiors?

And now can we talk calmly about gift cards?

Yes, they are minimally more thoughtful than outright cash. But all you have done is to limit where the amount can be spent -- and sometimes when, because those cards may have expiration dates. Industry reports show that many go unused.

But Miss Manners wants to be helpful to you, and there are other options. It seems unlikely that you would know people’s shopping habits without knowing anything more important about them. It is only a small leap, then, to choosing something that might please each one -- and that is likely returnable, in case not. That is what thoughtfulness means.

Miss Manners would like to see more thoughtfulness applied to your mother’s situation. Can you help her shop, perhaps online? Can you and her other usual recipients acknowledge her situation to the extent of continuing to give her (thoughtful) presents while discouraging her from sending anything other than her good wishes?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it presumptuous of me, as a retired, tenured professor, to use “emeritus” in my signatures?

GENTLE READER: Not in correspondence connected with your academic work. In a text to the pizza delivery service, yes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing in defense of e-cards for the Christmas holiday. People say they are impersonal, but I disagree. I write everyone’s name on their email, and I write a short message to everyone.

While I will never complain about what form of communication my friends choose to use, I find most holiday cards have nothing written on them, let alone a personal greeting, and most have printed labels, so the writer has hardly even given the recipient a thought.

I enjoy writing an email to accompany my e-card, and thinking of that person and my memories of them. Because e-cards are less expensive, and there is no postage, I am able to keep my list as large as I want it, without having to cut anyone when finances are tight. My greeting can be printed if the recipient wishes, or just read, enjoyed and deleted, which is perfect, too.

GENTLE READER: You are in for a disappointment if you expect Miss Manners to argue that the form is more important than the content in regard to something as informal as Christmas greetings.

The paper Christmas card can be charming, but not if it lacks the point, which is to show people whom you rarely see that you still think of them. Cards that contain only a signature or, Miss Manners will argue, a family photograph, without reference to the recipient, are not charming. And there are those who persist in addressing them to people they barely remember.

So your method of writing something personal is fine -- provided your e-cards are not the animated sort that take up time and space on the computer, annoying grouches like Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have guests coming for the Christmas holidays: two adults and one child. We have a guest room, which they have used before, but this time my husband thinks we should give up the master bedroom for them, since the child is a little older. Both rooms have their own bathrooms and plenty of closet space. The only difference is that one has a queen-sized bed and the other a king.

GENTLE READER: Don’t you want to invest in a futon for the guest room?

Miss Manners only asks because while it might be difficult to cram two adults and a large child into either the smaller or the larger bed, it might also be difficult for you and your husband not to grow resentful when you are kept out of your room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been a widow for seven years. While starting a new job search, I was asked if I was Mrs., Ms., etc. I chose Mrs.

I am just curious if that is correct. A friend recently remarked, “You still are married.”

GENTLE READER: Your friend has not paid attention to the marriage service. The state of modern marriage notwithstanding, it generally specifies “until death do you part.”

That is not to say that the widowed may not consider themselves still emotionally joined, and prefer to use Mrs. socially. But that has no place in the business world, where Ms. is the best choice because marital status should be irrelevant.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman sat behind me at a coffeehouse, put her headphones on, and started up a very personal conversation via phone. I was working on my computer, so I had my own headphones on. However, I could not turn up the music loud enough (and at a tolerable enough level for my ears) to drown her out.

I shot a couple of glances behind me (I know, ridiculously passive-aggressive), and, after the second one, she said loudly, “Hang on a minute,” then directed her attention to me and asked, “Is it all right that I am on the phone?” I turned and said, “Well, it’s a bit loud.”

She snapped back (loudly), “I am NOT loud!” I replied, “OK,” and turned around. She ended up gathering up her stuff in a huff and left.

I was left to wonder if I am the rude one by thinking it’s quite rude to hold loud phone conversations in spaces like coffeehouses and restaurants. With more and more people working remotely, I have encountered this more frequently.

I’ve had people say to me, “How is it any different than two people sitting next to you and having a conversation?” It just is. No matter who you are, you speak in a louder voice when talking on the phone (especially in a noisy coffeehouse) than you do just chatting with a friend at your table. And there are now several studies that show that hearing one side of a conversation causes more distraction and less ability to remember things than hearing a two-sided conversation, apparently because your mind is rushing to fill in the other, unheard side of the conversation.

If I have to take a quick phone call while in a coffeehouse or similar space, I step away briefly. If the call is going to be longer, I pack up my stuff and head to my car. Perhaps I am overly conscious of my fellow coffee drinkers or diners, but this seems like the most considerate thing to do.

So, is it rude to hold a long phone conversation or conference call in a busy place of business? And, if Miss Manners does deem it rude, what is the best way to handle it in the future? I really doubt that my passive-aggressive glances are the right approach.

GENTLE READER: Working in coffee shops rather than at home or in offices has indeed become more prevalent. However, the expectation that they should therefore maintain a library level of silence is not reasonable. It is still a public place.

Your letter implies that you recognize this distinction, but Miss Manners feels compelled to emphasize it. It is therefore the volume and subject matter of these calls that is being questioned -- not the right to make them -- and that is more difficult to police politely.

Your best tactic is to show concern for the caller: “This call feels personal and I am sure that you don’t wish others to eavesdrop. I wonder if you would be safer taking it outside.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)