DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our very cute dog, “Wally,” has enjoyed the occasional table scrap on top of her usual dog food dinners. As a result, she has added a few pounds to her otherwise sleek physique. Lately, my wife has been gently chastising her, even calling her “pudgy.”

I’m concerned that this is not only a breach of etiquette, but could have a long-term impact on her self-esteem. My wife says that since she’s a dog, it’s of no matter. I say fat-shaming is what it is, regardless of species. We have agreed to let you be the ultimate arbiter.

GENTLE READER: We seem to be scraping the bottom of the pandemic barrel for arguments, are we not?

But yes, Miss Manners agrees with you: Babies and animals should not be subjected to any sort of shaming. Not just because they are unable to defend themselves, but because it sets an unpleasant precedent for their more cognitive counterparts.

Miss Manners suggests that you respond to your wife by saying, “Now, dear, Wally looks as good as any of us after nine months of our delicious cooking.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently needed to contact my neighbors regarding an issue with our building. I know all of them by name, and have their telephone numbers, except one couple. We do greet each other when we meet in the lobby or the elevators, but I didn’t have their contact information.

So last Saturday around 10 a.m., when I figured most people would be up and about, I went upstairs to their floor and rang the doorbell. I waited for what seemed like a long enough time, and then rang the doorbell a second time. I waited a little bit longer, then, figuring no one was home, decided to leave.

As soon as I entered the lift, I heard their door open, and immediately popped out again to talk to them. The gentleman opened the door wide, but was still in his pajamas. The lady was nowhere to be seen, and there were signs of ongoing housecleaning (a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the floor, etc.).

I apologized. He didn’t invite me in. I explained why I needed to talk with them, we discussed the issue, exchanged phone numbers, and I left.

Should I not have rung the doorbell twice? How long does one wait after knocking/ringing before assuming no one is home? Was 10 a.m. on a Saturday too early?

How would Miss Manners have handled this situation?

GENTLE READER: As a general rule, two knocks and after 10 a.m. work fine. Both of you came out unscathed. Or you could have left a note under the door.

For true neighbor emergencies, however, the timing and intensity will likely be dictated by the situation’s urgency. Basement flooding has precedence, Miss Manners assures you, over sugarless cakes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have a large deck in our backyard, and have been able to host couples for dinners with proper social distancing in nice weather. Before anyone visits us, we make it very clear that we have been following pretty strict social distancing, and ask that our guests do the same.

We also have a bathroom with a separate entrance, but we make it clear that we prefer people not go into our house otherwise.

At one of our dinners, the humidity was definitely up there, but the temperature was in the 70s. It was pretty comfortable outside. Yes, everyone’s hair was frizzing up, but a bad hairdo was a sacrifice I know I was willing to make. All the health experts are saying the risk of transmitting coronavirus greatly increases when you are in enclosed places.

The wife of the other couple was clearly uncomfortable with the humidity, and insisted we go inside to the air conditioning. My wife and I brushed off the humidity and subtly hinted that the weather wasn’t “that bad,” but the other wife insisted on going inside.

I didn’t want to make a scene, so I held back on reminding the couple of our detailed pre-dinner instructions/rules. Instead, I suggested we move to our sunroom, open up all the windows and turn the fan on for air circulation. Still, I was frustrated that we unnecessarily increased our transmission risk.

Should I have pushed the issue and insisted we stay outside?

GENTLE READER: Don’t underestimate the power of a woman’s hairdo scorned.

Yours was a polite compromise and probably the best solution at the time, given your guest’s insistence. However, if the situation were to arise again, Miss Manners suggests a polite, “I’m so sorry that you are uncomfortable; the weather is not as dry as we had hoped. But I’m afraid that our responsibility toward everyone’s safety is our primary concern. Of course, we understand if you feel that you need to go elsewhere to feel fully at ease.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When the father of a friend died, I sent what I thought was a nice letter of condolence. I later heard that my friend was somewhat insulted by my note, as I “hadn’t even bothered to send a sympathy card,” but wrote a letter instead.

I know Miss Manners prefers a handwritten personal sympathy note to a card with a preprinted sentiment -- and I do, too! Evidently my friend feels otherwise.

Now, unfortunately, her mother is gravely ill and I know I will soon need to express my sympathy. Which is better: to do the proper, polite thing as I did before, or do what my friend expects?

I’m not eager to write a note in a preprinted card, as the ones I have seen are weepy or overly religious, and I am neither.

GENTLE READER: Write the letter -- on beautiful stationery and in your best handwriting -- and then stick it in the middle of a preprinted sympathy card. Miss Manners has faith that you will be able to find a tasteful one -- and preferably one that does not mimic better calligraphy than yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee (now wife) and I wanted to have a potluck wedding reception, where instead of bringing gifts, the guests would bring a dish and share the recipe. The wedding was being hosted at my mother-in-law’s house -- my wife’s decision, as she wanted to be married under a particular tree.

My MIL refused to let us do the potluck idea, saying it was tacky. This has been bothering me, because it feels like she took something from us that we will never be able to have.

Would the potluck reception have been a faux pas as she believes, or is it acceptable?

GENTLE READER: Being a guest and being a caterer are worthy, but different, pursuits.

Miss Manners understands your mother-in-law’s not wanting to put friends and family to work, although she might have found a more tactful way to express it to your wife.

That said, Miss Manners feels a need to caution newlyweds such as yourself against the use of phrases like, “She took something from us that we will never be able to have.” An eagerness to promote short-term grievances into long-term grudges is detrimental to family harmony. If done indiscriminately, it may someday put you in a position to have the second wedding you have always dreamed of.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I made a new friend. We’re both in our early 60s, and have a number of things in common. Over these few years, I’ve noticed that she sometimes lacks commitment to plans we’ve made. Sometimes I find out through the grapevine that she made plans with other friends.

She asked my husband and me if we would go with her to a nearby restaurant for dinner, and together we decided on the following Saturday night. Late Thursday evening, she sent me a text asking if we could meet Friday night instead, because that is the day she “arrives back in town.”

It appears to my husband and me that she puts her plans with us aside when something she considers better comes along. I’m not sure how to handle this. If I confront her, it could cause a break in the friendship (if I am mistaken about her reason for changing plans). Yet I feel I cannot let this continue if I want to maintain this friendship.

GENTLE READER: Confronting her could cause a break in the relationship even if you are correct about her reasons for changing plans.

Ruling out such an approach, you are left with more subtle ways to modify your friend’s behavior -- the most obvious being consistently discovering, to your dismay, that you are not available on Friday. Eventually, your friend will realize that sticking to the plan is the only way she will get to see you.

Miss Manners in this case draws her inspiration from the cat who, though inexplicably deaf to direct explanations of what needs to be done, learns that every time he jumps on the counter, an arm reaches out from the sky and returns him to the floor.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)