News of the Weird

-- For 23 years, Dennis Hope, 55, of Gardnerville, Nev., has operated a business selling people "official" title to land on the moon, Mars and Venus for about $20 an acre. Although others are in the same business, Hope told the Las Vegas Review-Journal in September that he has earned $6.5 million during that period (an average of $270,000 a year). He says his idea was based on something he actually learned in school: that the international Outer Space Treaty of 1967 prohibited nations from owning celestial bodies but was silent about individual ownership. Hope says he wrote to the United Nations, explained his plan, and asked if they had a problem with it (and no one wrote back).

While recent drastic budget cuts (and the governor's failure to get a tax increase from the legislature) have limited Alabama's Department of Public Safety to placing only five or six troopers on nighttime highway patrol for the entire state, as many as 17 troopers spend all day each Saturday during football season providing security for the state's 10 college teams. The schools agreed in principle to reimburse the troopers' expenses, according to an October Associated Press report, but their policies vary, and the Department has been lax in collecting.

-- Carl Hanson of St. Paul, Minn., actually obtained a U.S. patent (No. 6,457,474) in 2002 for what he described as a new method for treating heart-related chest pain (as reported in August 2003 by Scientific American). Hanson's unique invention: He drinks limeade from concentrate. His patent application said that it worked for him, and he wrote out the required details about the structure of the invention, specifically, to purchase cans of concentrate, add water, stir and introduce the juice into the body through the mouth (although Hanson wrote that his patent would also cover intravenous administration).

-- Researchers at Panasonic's Nanotechnology Research Laboratory near Kyoto, Japan, said in August that they have begun to generate electricity from blood, which they say may eventually yield enough power to produce a human "battery" to run various implanted devices, such as pacemakers. Power is produced by stripping blood glucose of its electrons.

-- In September, the Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, daily newspaper Al-Watan reported that the father of a prospective bride (whose future husband had not yet met her) had established a new dowry-collection strategy by demanding that the prospective husband pay the equivalent of US$300 just to take a pre-wedding glance at the bride (fully clothed, of course).

-- Among the themed funeral settings available for families recently at U.S. mortuaries (at $1,000 to $3,000) (according to a September Associated Press report): bales of hay, wagon wheels, cacti, a cowboy boot and a plastic horse (for the loved one who was rodeo-oriented, at the Palm Mortuary in Las Vegas), and "Big Mama's Kitchen," with Crisco, Wonder Bread and fried chicken (for the loved one who was a fan of lavish feasts).

-- In August, computer technician Goran Andervass received the equivalent of US$100,000 as settlement of his wrongful-firing lawsuit against Riksbanken, the Swedish national bank, over a 2001 incident that began when a colleague, meeting with him in his Stockholm office, ostentatiously passed gas. Andervass became very upset and started shouting at the man. Supervisors cautioned Andervass, who began a downward emotional spiral and began to take abundant sick leave, leading to further sanctions and eventually to his dismissal.

-- Among the 15 "worst" actual jobs in science (from the October issue of Popular Science): (15) counting fish (one by one, for hours) that swim by dams in the Pacific Northwest; (11) the only two government bureaucrats whose job is to convince Americans of the merits of the metric system; (7) researchers who reach into a cow's rumen to pull out and analyze the stomach contents; (4) mosquito catchers who endure up to 15 bites a minute on three-hour shifts and hope not to get malaria; (3) researchers who extract sperm from animals for study or artificial insemination (and extracting from a pig is much preferable to extracting from a bull); and (1) "flatus odor judges" working for gastroenterologist Michael Levitt, who feeds subjects pinto beans, then gathers gases in plastic collection tubes direct from the source, and then has judges sniff as many as 100 samples, rating them for strength.

Cyril Kendall was easily convicted in August in New York City for swindling the American Red Cross and another organization out of $160,000 for family grief counseling over a "son" who "died" in the World Trade Center attack. There are no official records that the son ever existed, although Kendall presented some documents that government experts termed poor forgeries. The grief counseling ($425 an hour) was spent entirely at a "company" that did not exist but of which Kendall admitted that he was the sole employee (thus paying himself to counsel himself and his family).

In September, a committee of Milwaukee's city council approved the application of a strip joint (Club Paradise Gentlemen's Club) to also become a "center for visual and performing arts" (the same designation as the Milwaukee Art Museum) by the simple act of placing several pieces of upscale artwork on its walls. Such a classification would allow liberalization of the club's alcohol permit. (However, by the time the matter came to the full council, the public had heard about it, and the club withdrew the application.)

Daniel Smith, 45, written up for traffic violations after a minor accident in Independence, Mo., in November, became the latest person to take seriously the idea that he could assert a "copyright" over his name and expect the police (i.e., the taxpayers) to pay him $500,000 per use for writing his name on the traffic tickets (plus $1 million as a late fee if the government didn't pay in 10 days). Smith refused to take his license back from the officer until he was issued a "receipt," which he pointed out earned him another $500,000.

The Moscow State Circus, touring Britain in July, told reporters its insurance companies had instructed trapeze artists to wear hard hats during their performances, to comply with European Union safety rules. And Beaufort County, S.C., adopted a policy in August that, for two-semester high school courses, a student who fails the first semester would automatically receive an encouraging "62," no matter how low his actual score.

The unsuccessful explanation Michael Schoop, 53, gave the judge for having child pornography on his computer was that he inadvertently downloaded the images while searching the Internet for asparagus recipes (Oakland, Calif., October). And the explanation of the mother of a Brainerd (Minn.) High School cheerleader (who was suspended for allegedly offering $50 to have another cheerleader beaten up): "They don't like each other. (The other girl) is a snot, and my daughter can be a snot, too" (October).

Lawyer Christian Gauthier was referred for disciplinary investigation because, while defending a client accused of killing a police officer, he was overheard singing the Bob Marley song "I Shot the Sheriff" during a courtroom break (Montreal, Quebec). A 15-year-old burglary suspect in lockup was also charged with theft for ordering $42 worth of adult movies on the jail's cable television hookup (Woodstock, Ill.). The eventual winner of the race for president of the Marietta, Ohio, City Council was arrested on the morning of the election on a misdemeanor delinquent-taxes warrant.

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNews@earthlink.net or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)

In November, just three days after a published report that lawyers were about to collect $350 million on the settlement for the 1988 Pan Am flight 103 explosion (with another $480 million to come, under certain conditions), two Massachusetts law firms sued the state over the 1998 tobacco settlement, claiming that the $775 million in fees they were awarded by an arbitration panel was not enough. The firms say they are due $1.3 billion more under their original contract, although other law firms in the 46-state settlement so far have accepted the arbitrators' awards. A Massachusetts official said a $775 million fee works out to about $6,300 per lawyer-hour and a $2.075 billion fee to about $17,000 per lawyer-hour.

According to a September safety hearing, British brain surgeon Donald Campbell, 54, crashed his twin-engine plane into a house (he survived, with head injuries) when he ran out of fuel because he miscalculated when converting "gallons" to "liters" (Shoreham, England). And internationally renowned neuroscientist Patricia Goldman-Rakic, 66, was fatally run over in August while jaywalking (and police said the driver was not at fault) (Hamden, Conn.).

In July, a judge relented and allowed Richard Quinton Gunn to act as his own attorney in his aggravated-murder appeal, following his conviction earlier in the year in Ogden, Utah, by a jury that deliberated just two hours. Gunn had confessed, saying he killed his tenant using a crowbar, a butcher knife, a handsaw, a fireplace poker, a 12-inch bolt, a straight-edge razor, an ax, walking canes, a pool cue and a large salad fork.

-- In October, U.S. Rep. Cass Ballenger, 76, R-N.C., told the Charlotte Observer that a large part of the stress that ended his 50-year marriage was the entry into the couple's Washington, D.C., neighborhood of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, to a building just across the street from the couple's townhouse, which is three blocks from the U.S. Capitol. Ballenger called CAIR a fund-raising arm of the terrorist group Hezbollah and said he and his wife were terrified at seeing women "wearing hoods" (perhaps meaning headscarves), moving boxes into the building: "(T)hey could blow (the Capitol) up."

-- Ten days after Jonathon Russell killed three people and himself in a highly publicized workplace-rage incident in Jefferson City, Mo., in July, his mother, Nina Tichelkamp-Russell, filed a worker compensation claim on his behalf, seeking death benefits. Her version of the cause of death, according to what she wrote on the claim, was "by gunfire while on the company clock." (The employer and its insurance company rejected the claim.)

-- Demon Babies: LaFayre Marie Banks, 32, was charged with assault and child abuse in Port Huron, Mich., in May after her 7-month-old baby fell from Banks' second-story bathroom window, suffering severe head injuries. Banks told a police officer that she was bathing the child when "it reared up and went through the window." And in Wetumpka, Ala., in August, Melissa Wright, 27, was sentenced to 25 years in prison for putting her 18-month-old daughter in a hot oven. Wright's version was that the child slipped from her arms, fell to the floor, and rolled into the oven, and then the door closed.

-- Denver Garrett, charged with cocaine possession in Monterey, Tenn., in October, told police he bought it only to keep it off the streets and away from children. And James Howle, 61, and Kevin Williams, 41, stabbed each other in Pomona, Calif., in October in an argument over which of their two unidentified alcoholic beverages tastes better.

Loren J. Adams, 40, was convicted in Indianapolis of distributing obscenity in May, based on a business venture that apparently emanated from his admitted interest in watching scenes of bestiality. Not only did Adams' Web site offer videos of people having sex with horses, snakes, etc., but Adams at one time offered to rent out his 3-year-old Great Dane, Tyson, for others' sex videos. (Tyson was removed from the home, and Adams still faces a civil charge of animal cruelty, according to a September report in the Indianapolis Star).

-- Medicare, facing a precarious financial future, decided for the first time this year that seniors who need motorized wheelchairs (typical price, $5,500) will have to get an in-person doctor's prescription. Medicare paid $289 million for motorized wheelchairs in 1999, but this year, before the rule change, the estimated expense was $1.2 billion. Medicare also revealed that it is spending $600,000 this year to put its 800-telephone number on a blimp that flies over sporting events.

-- The New York Times reported in October that Nabors Industries (operator of oil-well drilling rigs), which in 2001 moved its legal headquarters from the U.S. to Barbados (corporate income tax: 1 percent) and its tax headquarters to a mail drop in Bermuda (no corporate income tax), is now insisting that it receive favored U.S. legal status. Nabors wants to be treated as an American-owned company to get a competitive advantage under the 80-year-old Jones Act that bars non-U.S. companies from working on ships involved in domestic trade.

A 29-year-old, 300-pound man was discovered dead (asphyxiation), stuck in a small bathroom window of his home after apparently trying to climb in late at night when he realized he had forgotten his house key (Paterson, N.J., September). And a 36-year-old, 250-pound man (suspected of being a burglar) was discovered dead (asphyxiation), stuck in a small kitchen window, discovered by a woman who had just gotten up to fix breakfast (Elgin, Ill., October).

Adding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (67) The usually elderly, momentarily confused driver who intends to stop but mistakenly slams on the gas pedal, often resulting in major destruction, such as the 82-year-old Rochester, N.Y., woman who plowed into nine new cars at a Hyundai dealership in September. (68) And the marijuana entrepreneur, with plants and grow equipment throughout his house, who nonetheless calls police in to report a relatively minor crime against him, such as the Victoria, British Columbia, man who in August insisted police come see the video he made of a break-in of his car but was oblivious of his home's powerful marijuana smell.

On Oct. 29, thousands of rush-hour riders had to be rerouted on New York City commuter trains as firefighters tried to free Edwin Gallart, 41, whose arm got stuck in one train's toilet when he reached in to retrieve his fallen cell phone. (Ultimately, the toilet had to be ripped out.) And the next day in South Philadelphia, a 25-year-old man who had apparently been indecently exposing himself to girls and women in the neighborhood for several weeks, tried it one time too many and was chased by "20 to 30" girls from St. Maria Goretti High School, caught, roughed up, and held for police.

Catholic priest Antonio Caetano apologized for hitting a parishioner on the head when she would not leave after her daughter was denied a place in Sunday school because she registered too late (Souto Redondo, Portugal). The city of Winnipeg, Manitoba, installed 10 surveillance cameras to help combat pilferage at a municipal dump. Vegetable grower A. Duda & Sons introduced a product 15 years in the making, to delight Bloody Mary fans: celery stalks that are hollow in the center (Oviedo, Fla.).

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNews@earthlink.net or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)

In October, West Point, Ky., hosted 12,000 visitors for the weekend Knob Creek Gun Range Machine Gun Shoot, billed as the nation's largest, with a separate competition for flame-throwers. Especially coveted is "The Line," where 60 people (waiting list is 10 years long to be admitted) get to fire their machine guns into a field of cars and boats, and during which a shooter might run through $10,000 in ammunition. Among the champions: Samantha Sawyer, 16, the top women's submachine gunner for the last four years. One man interviewed by the Louisville Courier-Journal said he met his wife at a previous Shoot, knowing that "if she could accept flame-throwing as a hobby, she could accept anything." Said another: "This is one of those times when you know this (the U.S.) is the greatest place on Earth."

-- A senior Vatican spokesman, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, told a BBC Radio audience in October that condoms are useless in preventing the spread of HIV (because the virus seeps through the porous latex) and therefore should not be used, even in AIDS-wracked Africa, where as much as 20 percent of the population is reportedly infected. The World Health Organization denounced Trujillo's claim but said it had heard similar Catholic Church messages in Asia and Latin America.

-- In October, the U.S. Transportation Security Administration's inspector general released questions from the final exam for airport screeners, designed to measure the crucial, intensive training that the screeners had just completed. One question: "How do threats get on board an aircraft?" The supposedly challenging answers: "a. In carry-on bags; b. In checked-in bags; c. In another person's bag; d. All of the above." If that is too difficult, the inspector general also complained that 22 of the exam's 25 questions were repeats from previous exams and that some test-takers were briefed in advance.

In September, customs officials in Amsterdam stopped a Nigerian man trying to enter the Netherlands with a suitcase containing 1,500 to 2,000 baboon noses (which some people use in traditional healing, but which were in an advanced state of putridness). And in Jupiter, Fla., in October, yet another part-time professional clown pleaded guilty to possessing child pornography; David Deyo, 43, a Presbyterian Sunday school teacher, appeared often in the community as "Noodles the Clown."

-- According to a lawsuit by paraplegic Steve Winter, 41, of Mesa, Ariz. (reported in September by the Arizona Republic), the Veterans Administration reneged on a 1983 promise that if he agreed to let them test electrode therapy on him (to stimulate his neurological system), and the process failed, doctors would remove the implanted electrodes. While the therapy started well, the effects wore off after a few years, and Winter, exasperated, left the program. He claims the VA basically disavowed him for the next 15 years, refusing even to examine him to find the remainder of the 180 electrodes, which pose serious risks of infections, which already have necessitated 30 surgeries in the last 10 years.

-- In July, the state of Kentucky sent a check to the state's American Civil Liberties Union chapter for $121,000 as costs awarded in a 2000 lawsuit in which the state was forced by a court to remove a Ten Commandments monument from state Capitol grounds. According to a Louisville Courier-Journal report, that brings to nearly $700,000 that the state has been forced to pay the ACLU in the last 10 years as costs for challenging various unconstitutional moves by the state.

Police officer James Marriner, 43, appeared at a hearing in Brisbane, Australia, in September on 15 counts related to sexual harassment of members of the Bible-based community he lived in near Ipswich, Queensland. Among the accusations: Marriner had requested nude photos, confidential sexual histories, and pubic-hair samples from well-meaning community members who had conscientiously agreed to help the local police crack a "pedophile ring" (which apparently existed only in Marriner's mind). Reportedly, being a police officer in such a sheltered community was a high-status job that gave him unusual powers of persuasion.

For a September story in the Daily Nebraskan, University of Nebraska junior Dustin Rewinkel proudly and patiently explained to a reporter the secrets of his success in stealing street signs in the city of Lincoln (bragging that with basic tools, he could grab a sign in minutes and in fact had "more than a dozen" already). Not surprisingly, Lincoln police read the article, got a search warrant for Rewinkel's apartment, recovered 13 signs, and charged him on suspicion of possessing stolen property.

In Easton, Pa., in July, Robert M. Peters Sr., 47, became the latest man to be acquitted of indecent exposure by persuading a jury that his penis is too small to have been seen by the complaining witness. A woman testified that she had seen "3 inches" of erect penis beyond the bottom of his shorts while he was working in her home, but via photographs and a brief trouser-dropping in the courtroom, Peters convinced the jury that he is very modestly endowed and that she must have seen something else, such as a fold of fat on his 312-pound body.

A 22-year-old student from Saint-Denis, on the French island of Reunion, trying to get a better position for taking photographs of the Piton de la Fournaise volcano, got too close and fell in, to his death (August). And a 47-year-old man in Camp Verde, Ariz., who was apparently reaching up a utility pole to illegally hook up power to his business after having had it cut off for nonpayment, was electrocuted (July).

-- In September in East Finchley, England, Daniel Wade, 37, his wife, Eti, and their two sons began a project "to challenge or confirm notions of the middle-class family and domestic space": They opened their home to about 50 strangers every Sunday so people could walk through their house and observe their typical behavior (eating, arguing, sleeping, watching TV). According to Wade, this would help the visitors contemplate the modern family.

-- Two hunters on a remote mountain in northern Sweden in October came across an installation of 70 pairs of shoes filled with butter, according to an Associated Press report. Artist Yu Xiuzhen was attributed as the probable creator, in that he had staged a similar display in the Tibetan mountains surrounding Lhasa, China, in 1996. (A non-art-appreciating official in Sweden was more concerned about getting the shoes down before the butter rots.)

-- In April, according to Uganda's prison service, 15 inmates escaped near Kampala after allegedly having weakened the jail's walls and cell bars by months of urinating on them. Also in April, The New York Times reported that a pest-control professional in Stockton, Calif., had developed a new termite-detection method that relies on locating concentrations of methane gas that are expelled because of termites' high-fiber (i.e., wood) diet. And in October, a tipsy undersecretary in the Philippine government apologized after inadvertently urinating in the rear of President Arroyo's plane during flight, in an area he mistook for a restroom.

White man Theuns Prinsloo, 22, won the Mr. Africa pageant, causing an organizer to gush, "He epitomizes a young African in Africa today" (Johannesburg, South Africa). A 39-year-old man was arrested for bank robbery 10 days after making a successful escape on an oversized tricycle (Woodbury, N.J.). And a 24-year-old gun-toting man was arrested after smashing his tricycle into a car, being knocked to the ground, and then stealing the car (Salem, Ore.).

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNews@earthlink.net or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)