Sigh. Security guards at the Eiffel Tower in Paris discovered two American tourists sleeping near the top of the structure on Aug. 14 as they prepared to open to visitors, Yahoo! News reported. Paris prosecutors said the two dodged security the night before and "appear to have got stuck because of how drunk they were." Firefighters were dispatched to collect the men, who were questioned by police; Eiffel Tower management company Sete said it would file a criminal complaint, although the pair didn't "pose any apparent threat." [Yahoo! News, 8/15/2023]

Police Report

In more news from Paris, an "experienced climber" got to the top of the Eiffel Tower early on Aug. 17 and parachuted off before guards could stop him, The Guardian reported. The unnamed man landed safely after the leap from about 1,100 feet and was promptly arrested for endangering the lives of others. "This kind of irresponsible action puts people working at or near the tower in danger," scolded Sete, the tower's management company. [Guardian, 8/17/2023]

Least Competent Criminal

Sure, Mountain Dew has been compared to battery acid, but one suspect thought a can of the stuff could save her from being fingered as a killer. Fox35-TV reported that on Aug. 5, Nichole Maks, 35, was charged with first-degree murder in the death of her 79-year-old roommate, Michael Cerasoli. Cerasoli was discovered beaten and stabbed in the home they shared in Daytona Beach, Florida, on July 1. Officers tracked down Maks around 3:30 the next morning at a Krystal's restaurant, where she had blood on the side of her leg and part of her shirt had been torn or cut away. As they approached, she dropped a knife and hammer she'd been carrying; she told officers she often carried such items. Police said that as they questioned her about her roommate, she became "agitated" and asked for a drink; they gave her a can of Diet Mountain Dew, which she poured over her body and hair, hoping to eliminate any evidence on her person. Unsurprisingly, that stunt didn't work, and her DNA was found on the knife used to kill Cerasoli. She currently resides at the Volusia County Jail. [Fox35, 8/14/2023]

The Weirdo-American Community

TikTokker Michaela Witter was on Day 20 of a series she was posting about "100 solo dates" -- activities like reading in the park or buying herself flowers. On Aug. 7, as she browsed in Barnes & Noble in Burbank, California, Witter inadvertently captured a stalker on video as he followed her, kneeled behind her and sniffed her (and another woman) repeatedly. Fox News reported that Witter's post unleashed a torrent of similar experiences -- even with the same stalker. "Bro that same man was crouching behind me and following me thru Marshalls today," one commenter posted. "The same thing happened to me at Ralph's in Burbank," another said. One TikTokker had the same experience in the same bookstore. Glendale police arrested Calese Carron Crowder, 37, on Aug. 11, but a judge placed him on probation and released him on Aug. 15. Los Angeles County Jail records show Crowder has been booked there 41 times. [Fox News, 8/16/2023]

Ummmmmm

-- Street performer Lino Tomasen, 32, of Havana, Cuba, retired from boxing after a blow delivered to his opponent fractured the man's skull and killed him instantly, he told Reuters. Tomasen gave all his fight winnings to that man's family and took to the streets, where the "Ironman" now beats on himself and collects tips. He uses a sledgehammer to slam his wrists, elbows and forearms for horrified onlookers, but seems to be unharmed by the abuse. "It's all real, nothing fabricated," said Edward Carbonell, who watched Tomasen's "show." "I want to be remembered as someone who pushed the limits of what was possible," Tomasen said. [Reuters, 8/15/2023]

-- At a sunset "furmeet" on Aug. 12 in Huntington Beach, California, one furry took offense when a man in street clothes started filming the spectacle on his phone, the Toronto Sun reported. Someone in a black wolf costume asked the filmer to stop, then amplified his message with a megaphone: "Leave or we will make you leave." When the filmer didn't budge, the wolf hit him over the head with the megaphone. Others jumped into the brawl, which was finally broken up by California State Parks officers. [Toronto Sun, 8/16/2023]

The Tech Revolution

The California Public Utilities Commission voted in early August to allow Cruise and Waymo to offer paid driverless rides to customers during the day, The New York Times reported. On Aug. 15, as Paul Harvey, 74, looked on, a Cruise vehicle in San Francisco drove into a city paving project and became stuck in wet concrete. "I thought it was funny," Harvey said. "It illustrated how creepy and weird the whole thing is to me." Rachel Gordon with the San Francisco Department of Public Works noted that no one was hurt, but added, "That portion of the road has to be repaved at Cruise's expense." Paul Leonardi, a professor of technology management at the University of California, Santa Barbara, chalked up the experience to a teaching moment: "It needs to experience a diverse set of use cases so it can learn, and driving into wet concrete is one of those use cases." [NY Times, 8/17/2023]

Clothing Optional

At Stoke Fruit Farm on Hayling Island in England, the sunflowers have been in full bloom for several weeks. The colorful fields offer a perfect background for photo shoots, but, the BBC reported, the farm has seen an "increase of reports of naked photography taking place" since July 28. "People are having fun and taking pictures for their Instagram but we just ask that they keep their clothes on," said Sam Wilson, who runs the site. In an Aug. 11 Facebook post, the attraction cautioned that "this must not happen during our public sessions please." One commenter said her son "got a right eyeful" after stumbling across a woman wearing just a thong. "Should have seen his face!" [BBC, 8/17/2023]

It's (Not) a Mystery

When the European Space Agency shared a composite photo taken by the James Webb Telescope in late July, highlighting two actively forming stars, another shape in the photo caught the attention of Earth-bound gazers: an orange formation in the shape of a question mark. Kai Noeske, ESA communication program officer, explained to NPR what scientists think the shape is: "a group or a chance alignment of two or three galaxies. The upper part of the question mark looks like a distorted spiral galaxy, maybe merging with a second galaxy." Galaxy mergers result in "all kinds of beautiful shapes and structures," said Macarena Garcia Marin, a Webb project scientist. They are "a normal phase in the life and evolution of galaxies." [NPR, 8/17/2023]

Questionable Judgment

An unnamed man called his dangerous stunt "a joke" after being arrested in Ostrobothnia, Finland, Sky News reported on Aug. 9. The man allegedly stored 26 pounds of dynamite in his friend's two cars before calling the owner and telling him. The owner wasn't laughing: He alerted police, who evacuated nearby buildings. "In addition to the dynamite, detonators were also confiscated from the cars," said Tony Rauma, detective chief inspector with the Ostrobothnia Police. The jokester told police he did not intend to blow up the cars, and links to terrorism have been ruled out. [Sky News, 8/9/2023]

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The infamous "Lake Tahoe Foot Fondler" couldn't outrun authorities forever, the New York Post reported. On Aug. 1, Mark Anthony Gonzales, 26, was arrested in Atwater, California, and charged with burglary and battery after two early July incidents at the Club Wyndham South Shore hotel in Nevada. According to police, Gonzales "entered two ... condominiums by opening unlocked screen doors. Once inside, he positioned himself at the foot of the bed and rubbed the feet of two separate adult females" in two different units. Gonzales fled when his victims woke up and confronted him. He is also suspected of trespassing and stealing women's shoes for sexual pleasure. He was being held for extradition back to Nevada. [NY Post, 8/2/2023]

Unclear on the Concept

Pinellas County (Florida) deputies are pleading with the public to stop calling them about manatees in canals and shorelines along the Gulf Coast, Fox13-TV reported on Aug. 1. People think the manatees are in distress because they're swimming in herds and thrashing about, but officials stress that the sea cows are only mating. "IF YOU SEE THIS ... DON'T CALL US," the sheriff's office warned via Facebook post. "We can assure you they are more than fine. Manatees actually mate in herds like these and often they are near the shore. ... There's no need to call, they are a-okay!" [Fox13, 8/1/2023]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

In a stunning stroke of genius, the Alpha and Omega Funeral Home in Ahuachapan, El Salvador, started offering Barbie-themed coffins last year, the New York Post reported. With the movie's summer success, undertaker Isaac Villegas said they've been swamped with orders and have sold out of the hot pink caskets. "We wanted to promote the pink coffin as it has become a trend," Villegas said. "Of the 40 people who inquired about it, we have already closed a contract with at least 10 new clients." Similarly, in Guayaquil, Ecuador, funeral home Funeraria Olivares is offering a "Barbie House" coffin, "so you can rest like a Barbie." One manufacturer gushed about their product: "This coffin, with its striking bright pink color, represents the spark and energy of those unforgettable moments they lived." One El Salvadoran commenter conceded, "Eternal rest doesn't look so bad anymore." [NY Post, 8/1/2023]

Nowhere To Go but Up

Early on July 28, Thornton, Colorado, police were called out about a stolen car, KKTV reported. As the officers gathered information, the suspect, 36-year-old Julian Fernandez, returned to the scene, but "quickly ran on foot from the area and out of sight," police said. While they watched, the man jumped over a security fence and started climbing a 320-foot radio tower. He eventually reached the top, where he stayed for 12 hours as crisis negotiators tried to reason with him. In the end, firefighters climbed the tower and brought Fernandez down. [KKTV, 7/30/2023]

Unconventional Weaponry

A Sonic Drive-In restaurant in Tulsa, Oklahoma, was the scene of a gruesome assault on Aug. 1, Fox News reported. Police arriving at the scene found a man with a flagpole -- American flag still attached -- through his head. They said it had entered under his jaw and exited near his right temple. Witnesses reported that the suspect, Clinton Collins, allegedly charged the victim and ran the pole through his head, saying, "That's what he gets. He deserved it." Collins was taken into custody immediately. Emergency responders had to cut part of the flagpole away in order to fit the victim in the ambulance. He survived but may lose an eye, police said. [Fox News, 8/3/2023]

Bright Idea

Pinecrest, Florida, has a peculiar problem: peacocks. The New York Times reported on Aug. 9 that the city has been overrun with the large, loud, destructive birds, which peck at roofs and cars and relieve themselves all over driveways. The solution? Peacock vasectomies. Dr. Don J. Harris, the veterinarian who will snip the feisty birds, said they're "bona fide polygamists. We're going to catch one peacock and probably stop seven females from reproducing. It's going to have an exponential benefit." County commissioners approved the plan, and city officials designated $7,500 a month to cover trapping and surgery. [NY Times, 8/9/2023]

Nature Gone Wild

Peggy Jones, 64, of Silsbee, Texas, got a little too close to nature for comfort on July 25 as she and her husband did yard work on their property. The New York Times reported that out of the blue, a snake fell from the sky, wrapped itself around Jones' forearm and started to squeeze. "I immediately screamed and started swinging my arm to shake the snake off," she said. "I was screaming, 'Jesus, help me, please, Jesus, help me!'" But the snake hissed and struck at her face, sometimes hitting her glasses. Then, as Jones struggled, a hawk swooped down and tried to grab the snake, which it had dropped from on high, from her arm. As it wrestled with the snake, its talons slashed into Jones' arm. Finally, the hawk got hold of the snake and flew off. She said the whole incident probably took only 15 or 20 seconds, but afterward, "I looked down at my arm and it was totally covered in blood." Jones' husband, Wendell, saw his wife screaming and running in a zigzag pattern: "By the time I got to her, she was pretty hysterical," he said. Doctors said most of her wounds were caused by the hawk rather than the snake. Jones says that she is healing physically but is still having nightmares about the incident. [NY Times, 8/9/2023]

Irony

An instructor at a driving school in Lakewood, Colorado, won't be getting a passing grade after crashing a car into the school's front window on Aug. 8 -- just under a sign that says "Learn To Drive." KDFW-TV reported that the driver, who was trying to park a Hyundai Tucson in front of the Community Driving School, was cited for a traffic violation. Police said there was only one minor injury. [KDFW, 8/9/2023]

Field Report

Divers Ken Fleming and Doug Bishop were searching for clues in missing persons cold cases on Aug. 6 in Doral, Florida, when they stumbled upon an investigatory treasure chest, WSVN-TV reported. "We realized we had 32 cars underwater," Fleming said. The divers work as volunteers and have a huge database of missing persons. "We have 40 that we're targeting right now of folks that disappeared, anywhere from two or three months ago to 30, 40 years ago," he said. Statewide, Fleming said they have found 60 submerged cars that may be linked to crimes. They'll work with the county to get the vehicles removed and collect and deliver any pertinent information from them. [WSVN, 8/6/2023]

But, Why?

A mysterious man is taking pacifiers out of the mouths of babes in Harlow, England, Sky News reported. The incidents started in February, with the most recent one taking place on Aug. 7. One of the children was also assaulted. The suspect is a young, slim white man with brown eyes and yellow teeth, police said; they are soliciting information from anyone who has any knowledge of the cagey Dummy Bandit (our moniker, not theirs). "As a parent myself, I understand the level of concern," said chief inspector Paul Austin. [Sky News, 8/9/2023]

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.

I bet it was better than this couple's. Alan Stevens, 50, of Hull, England, booked a surprise 17-day trip for his wife's birthday to the Dominican Republic for late June. When they arrived, however, it was clear the resort's "five-star" rating was a mistake. Hull Live reported that while at the resort, Stevens and his wife observed a variety of alarming behaviors. "When we went out to the pool for the first time, we saw guests smoking weed in the pool, people having sex in the pool ... one woman being sick all over herself in the pool, and another guest actually defecate in the pool -- it was disgusting," Stevens said. "We were approached by people offering us drugs about 10 times in the 17 days we were there. A woman fell from a balcony while we were there, and we walked past and saw her body hidden under a sheet. ... We had no idea what was going on." He continued: "When we were out one day, I saw a man knocked clean off his motorbike. I just burst out crying because on top of everything else that had happened, it was such a shock." The travel company Stevens worked with offered 200 pounds in vouchers and counseling credits, which Stevens called "a joke. This was 100% the worst holiday we've ever been on." [Hull Live, 8/3/2023]

The Aristocrats

Maryland's Kimberly "Kimycola" Winter has eructed her way into history with a Guinness World Record, United Press International reported on Aug. 2. Winter broke the previous record for loudest burp (female) with a 107.3-decibel growler. That's louder than a blender, an electric hand-held drill and even some motorcycles. She prepared for the event with breakfast, coffee and beer. Winter said to achieve the big belch, she takes a deep breath and tries to "manipulate that into something monstrous and magical." She admitted she loves to shock strangers with her burps. "I love to be loud and proud!" [UPI, 8/2/2023]

Suspicions Confirmed

The Hangzhou Zoo in eastern China has gotten a big bump in visitor numbers this week -- 30% more, to 20,000 a day! -- since Angela the Malayan sun bear went viral. Reuters reported that Angela captured social media attention when she stood up on her hind legs and stretched her neck out to look at visitors. In fact, her behavior was so humanlike that people thought maybe the zoo had dressed a worker up in a bear suit. "After we saw the video on the internet, we specially took the high-speed train from Suzhou to come over to see the bear," Qiang Ming said. "If this is fake it deserves an Oscar for special effects," said one commenter. But no! Angela is "definitely not a human. Our zoo is government-run, so that kind of situation would not happen," the zoo responded. [Reuters, 8/2/2023]

Unconventional Weapon

Jennifer Colandrea, 42, of St. Petersburg, Florida, was charged with domestic battery after an incident on July 31, The Smoking Gun reported. As her ex-husband, Brian Drummond, 42, slept in the home they share, Colandrea allegedly violently ripped his CPAP machine off his face, causing a cut on his lower lip, and started arguing with him. The two divorced in 2009 but have been sharing a home. Colandrea was released on her own recognizance and ordered to stay away from Drummond. [The Smoking Gun, 8/2/2023]

Molehill, Meet Mountain

Cedar Point Shores Waterpark in Sandusky, Ohio, was the scene of what might have been a routine dust-up between patrons on July 27. But, as The Smoking Gun reported, it developed into much more. Cops responded after a woman allegedly called a child a "brat" and "fat ass" and pushed him off a floating toy. She identified herself as Jennifer Lee Miller, 67, and said she was a "Christian woman, a grandmother, and she wouldn't do such a thing," police said. After officers gave her a warning and left the scene, they determined that the woman had given them a false name; she is really Janet Nale of Taylor, Michigan, and she was arrested for obstruction. "She lied about all her information and had no reason for doing so," one officer said. [The Smoking Gun, 7/28/2023]

Wait, What?

Bob Blankenship of Ormond Beach, Florida, wants some answers after a May incident where he discovered airplane parts, including a windshield, in his yard, News 6 reported. Blankenship lives near the Ormond Beach Airport and is used to the noise, but pieces of fiberglass and metal falling from the sky concerned him: "It could fall on anybody out here," he said. "Just think if it fell from 300 feet. What's the impact going to be? Probably cut you in two." Blankenship determined which plane had been flying over and contacted the airport, leaving his contact information. Later, he got a message from the pilot: "Hey, this is Douglas and I'm over in DeLand and I lost a piece of my airplane yesterday. ... I'm wondering if I can connect with you and come and get it." No, said Blankenship. He reported the incident to the FAA, which claimed that "the falling aircraft part situation is being taken seriously by our organization," but he's unsatisfied with their slow response. "The next time it could be somebody's life," he said. [News 6, 7/27/2023]

Rude

British Columbia real estate agent Mike Rose is out on his ear in Kamloops after he was caught on video swigging milk straight from the bottle at a home he was showing. Canoe reported on July 28 that Rose was waiting for his clients to arrive for a showing; after slaking his thirst, he returned the milk jug to the refrigerator. Rose apologized, saying his behavior was out of character and he was "unusually dehydrated," but his clients replaced him and he was ordered to pay a $22,500 fine. [Canoe, 7/28/2023]

Sporting News

-- During a friendly soccer match on July 21 between Gateshead and Dunston in England, players and spectators were astonished as men wearing balaclavas drove a hearse onto the pitch, the Independent reported. Just before 8:20 p.m., the funeral car and a Subaru made their way onto the field, where they spun around in circles as their occupants threw leaflets from the cars. The drivers of the hearse left that vehicle on the pitch and hopped in the other car, which drove away. Officials were forced to call off the match. Northumbria Police said four men had been arrested and remained in police custody. "Disorder will not be tolerated in the community," police said. "Enquiries continue." [Independent, 7/23/2023]

-- The Seattle Mariners are down a player after outfielder Jarred Kelenic took on an unlikely opponent in the locker room: a water cooler. CBS News reported that Kelenic kicked the cooler after striking out against the Minnesota Twins on July 19 and suffered a broken foot as a result. Manager Scott Servais said Kelenic "feels terrible. He knows he let a lot of people down." While his recovery may be long, he will not require surgery -- just therapy for his fractured ego. [CBS News, 7/20/2023]

Send your weird news items with subject line WEIRD NEWS to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.