Q: My husband had an affair about six months ago. He has apologized, and we are trying to repair our marriage. The problem is that he refuses to stop texting her. They don't see each other, just text. What should I do?

Juli: You need to absolutely insist that your husband cut off communication with this woman, including texting. Apologizing for his affair is just one step. His actions after the apology will demonstrate whether he is truly remorseful and taking steps to ensure that your trust isn't broken again. His unwillingness to stop texting this woman is a red flag. It begs two questions:

First, does he really understand how much his infidelity hurt you and damaged the trust in your relationship? Having an affair is the most serious breach of trust in marriage. If he's really sorry, he'll understand that and do everything required to win back your heart. The second question is: Has he burned the bridge to this relationship? By continuing to communicate with this woman, he's keeping the flame alive and keeping his options open.

The process of restoring your marriage is at a standstill until he puts a total and complete end to his relationship with the other woman. I would encourage you to stay strong on that.

If you are not already working with a counselor to help you in this process, please call Focus on the Family for a free counseling session as well as a referral to a counselor in your area.

Jim: It's normal to be annoyed with some of your spouse's habits. It's also common to discover that the two of you have conflicting personalities. But it is a couple's differences that can help them learn to complement one another and forge a relationship that will go the distance. The key is to work together to change the habits that can be changed, and learn to accept those that may take more time or may never change. Marriage helps us cast off the selfish acts and attitudes of our heart. We must learn to lay down our own desires for the sake of our spouse. It's a process of sanctification.

In an effort to coax change in a spouse, some people resort to manipulative measures. They leave books around in the hope that their partner will get the hint. Don't take that route. Instead, if you have a concern, assume ownership of your feelings. Voice them honestly and respectfully.

You should also ask yourself why you want your husband to change. Is it merely to make him more like you? Would this change make things easier for you while causing your husband to feel imprisoned? Or do you want to address behaviors that are genuinely preventing him from growing emotionally and spiritually? In other words, is your goal to liberate your spouse or to restrict his freedom?

Ultimately, nobody can change another person. The only person you can change is yourself. This doesn't mean, of course, that there are no limits to what's appropriate in a marriage: You should not tolerate physical aggression or abusive behavior. Still, in the case of smaller, less pernicious habits, it may be worth addressing the issue if you think the alteration would truly benefit both of you and put your relationship on a stronger footing.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: I was looking on my teenage son's computer and noticed that he's been looking at porn sites. I'm a single mom and just don't know what to do. I've talked with him about how damaging it is for him to look at these things and he continues to do so. How can I help him understand?

Juli: Many teen boys and girls are caught up in Internet porn. It's an epidemic. I know it feels awkward as a mom to talk to your son about sexual issues. But it's a discomfort you have to push past for his sake.

Begin by validating the fact that it's normal for him to struggle. He has a natural, God-given sexual drive, and that's a good thing! However, when that drive is channeled into casual sex or porn, it's harmful to him and others. There's a lot of shame associated with porn and teen sexuality. Don't pile on more. However, he needs to understand that porn is poisonous and evil. Many of the women used to make it are sexually trafficked, underage and exploited.

I recommend that you teach your son to play both "defense" and "offense." Insist that his computer and other devices have accountability and filtering software such as Safe Eyes or Bsecure.

Offensively, your son needs encouragement and training from other men on how to handle sexual temptations. Fortunately, there are many church groups addressing this issue. If you're already involved in a church, help your son get plugged into a youth group or a men's Bible study that can help him grow. It's important that he get a vision not just for what to say "no" to, but what to say "yes" to. Pray that God will bring men into his life to challenge him to be a man of integrity.

Jim: Did you hear that? It's the sound of moms everywhere shouting "Amen!" You deserve special recognition for raising such a thoughtful question. Here are a few ways you can help:

First, when you come home after a long, tiring day, remember that your wife's day was equally long and tiring. There are two things she needs at this point: 1) adult conversation, including expressions of appreciation for what she's been doing, and 2) a pair of hands to pitch in and help with the kids, the dishes and so on.

Second, don't expect to be taken care of like another child. Pick up your own clothes and toys.

Third, don't expect much sexual response if your wife is exhausted and you haven't done much to help. As my friend, Dr. Kevin Leman, says, "sex begins in the kitchen" -- with meaningful conversation, compliments and acts of kindness.

Fourth, get involved in the process of getting your kids ready for bed. This will result not only in relief for your wife, but quality time for you with your children.

Fifth, maintain a regular date night -- a restaurant, a concert, a walk or whatever your imagination and budget can manage.

Sixth, if your hours at work are too long, make every effort to cut back. Don't fall for the notion that your career is more fulfilling than your life at home.

Finally, try to take your wife away for a romantic weekend once in a while, where her daily responsibilities are temporarily suspended. With planning and creativity, this need not be expensive.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)

Q: My parents are in their 70s and have lost their passion for life. They have a hard time finding meaning and purpose. Is there any advice or resources that would challenge them to find purpose again?

Juli: Your parents are fortunate to have a child as concerned for them as you are. Although we tend to slow down and retreat in our 70s, staying active is important to good physical, mental and spiritual health.

There are two primary obstacles to activity that you can help your parents overcome. The first is the lack of initiative. Throughout their lifetimes, your parents have always had things that must be done. Work, children, household responsibilities and community expectations get us out of bed, off the couch and into life. Without the pressure of earning money or having people depend on them, your parents lack the motivation to get moving.

The second obstacle is the belief that they have nothing to contribute. We live in a culture that prizes strong bodies, young faces and quick minds. The wisdom and maturity that come in the later years are all too often undervalued. Older men and women don't feel welcomed or needed anywhere.

You can address both of these obstacles by inviting and welcoming your parents into your life. Help them discover how much they have to offer you, their grandchildren, their church and their community. There are many nonprofit organizations that function because of their senior volunteers. Even within your own family, your parents need you to need them and regularly ask for their help and wisdom. Your initial motivation may be for their good, but you're likely to be surprised how much your parents can actually bless and help you.

Jim: It's not uncommon for kids to react negatively to a sudden disruption in the family routine. But it's quite another thing to become, in your own words, "very angry and depressed." It is difficult to say without knowing more about your situation, but it's possible that there may be other issues contributing to your daughter's strong emotional backlash -- subtle problems that have been brought to the surface as a result of this current "crisis."

Whether you believe her behavior is only the result of her dad's change in schedule, or indicative of deeper issues, we would encourage you to consult a psychologist or family therapist. It's important that the entire family be involved in this process. For a list of licensed practitioners in your area, contact Focus on the Family.

In the meantime, you and your husband need to make some hard decisions about how to balance career and family in the future. We're of the opinion that your present arrangement should be viewed as a temporary measure. If your husband's job in the other city is expected to be a long-term commitment, we'd encourage you to think about relocating. Otherwise, we'd advise your husband to consider looking for employment closer to home, even if that means taking a cut in pay.

Until then, he can help ease the stress by keeping in close contact while on the road. I make it a point to call and talk with my boys at least once a day when I'm traveling, and to send pictures and other updates from my smartphone.

Dr. Juli Slattery is a licensed psychologist, co-host of Focus on the Family, author of several books, and a wife and mother of three.)

(Submit your questions to: ask@FocusOnTheFamily.com)