Q: How can a couple resolve issues over the frequency of sex? My wife would be content making love once a month, which doesn't come close to satisfying me. Which one of us is "abnormal"?

Jim: The first thing to understand is that there's no such thing as "normal." Research shows that there's a wide range among couples as to the frequency of sex, and individuals can differ radically in terms of their sexual desires and interests. That's why many couples clash over the question of how often they "should" have sex.

Here are four points our counselors encourage you to remember in this area.

-- Every couple is different. Such subjects as gender, individual expectations, developmental maturity as a couple and cultural differences all have an impact.

-- Quality precedes quantity. This doesn't mean that either spouse has an excuse to avoid the bedroom. Instead, it's a call to excellence. Once intimate communication begins to grow and needs are satisfied, increased frequency usually isn't far behind.

-- There's a time to serve. Sadly, the realities of our broken world can leave one or both spouses needing special consideration. Sexual trauma, abuse, addiction, abortion and disease can affect our sexuality in profound ways. Recovery is often slow, requiring patience and understanding from both spouses. It's also important for a husband to understand and show sensitivity to his wife's reproductive cycle and other unique physiological needs.

-- Be intentional. Impulsive, spontaneous sex can be great, but it tends to fall by the wayside as jobs, mortgages and children enter the picture. If you give your spouse only the leftovers of your time and energy, neither of you will be sexually satisfied. Planning a time and place for intimacy seems anything but intimate, but the lack of negotiation can lead to lack of fulfillment.

Q: My kids are 5 and 7. We monitor what shows they watch on TV, but now it's the commercials that are undermining our efforts. If we turn the TV off during an ad, it just feeds their curiosity and leads to cries of, "Turn it back on!" What's the solution?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: I'm a firm believer in the digital video recorder, or DVR, an incredible piece of technology that can help families navigate media in several ways. For instance, it can help us record only family-friendly programming. With it, we can pause live or recorded TV to discuss something we've just seen, and turn it into a valuable teachable moment. Plus, it can help us fast-forward through commercials and other unnecessary TV moments such as, in my opinion, sports halftime shows. We're all busy people, so why waste time watching commercials and mind-numbing programming?

Unfortunately, even highly offensive ads can air during some "family friendly" shows or relatively innocuous sporting events. Who needs that? I suggest using a DVR to record everything your children might watch. Then train them -- even at ages 5 and 7 -- to fast-forward through the commercials. Show them how to do it. It won't take them long to catch on. Not only will your family members steer clear of sleazy and troublesome ads; they'll also turn a 30-minute viewing into a 22-minute endeavor. Who couldn't use the extra eight minutes?

As a side note, consider setting a rule in your home that requires your children to read for an hour to receive a "coupon" for 30 minutes of television viewing. That way, they'll get to watch TV occasionally, while getting twice as much exposure to worthwhile reading.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Is it normal to deeply grieve a miscarriage? My husband and I suffered one, and we're surprised at how devastating it's been for us.

Jim: You've just experienced a genuine loss -- a deeply meaningful loss. It would be surprising if you didn't feel as if the rug had been pulled out from under you.

When a pregnancy ends in miscarriage, a woman and her spouse usually experience a wide variety of turbulent emotions. According to mental health professionals, you may feel guilty, as if the miscarriage were somehow your fault. Your mind may default to denial and cling to the possibility that you're actually still pregnant. Depression and mood swings are common. Anger can become a mask for grief. Jealousy toward pregnant women or new mothers may be a problem, causing you to withdraw from social contacts. Eventually, you'll probably experience a combination of these symptoms, spinning through a recurring cycle of grief, shock, denial, anger, depression, detachment, and mental "bargaining" with God.

Whether they're experienced immediately or at some point later on, the emotional and physiological responses to a miscarriage are the same as those involving any significant loss. As with any loss, it's important to ride the cycle of grief out to its natural conclusion -- that of accepting the reality of the situation.

For healing to occur, you and your spouse need to give and receive permission to fully grieve. If this doesn't happen, you can get "stuck" in the denial stage, mired in a morass of depression and repressed emotions. This in turn can have a detrimental effect on your overall spiritual, emotional, and physical health. If you need help working through the cycle of grief, please don't hesitate to call our team of counselors here at Focus on the Family.

Q: I'm a woman in my twenties, raised by a single mom and who rarely saw my dad. Recently he's expressed an interest in seeing me, but when I schedule a time he always cancels. I've decided not to initiate anything further because I feel he doesn't really care for me. I love my mom, but she's insisting that I continue to pursue a relationship with him, to the point where it's created tension between us. What should I do?

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: I can understand some of the emotions you're feeling. You've never had a relationship with your dad and want to guard your heart from further disappointment. But this is threatening the good relationship you have with your mom. You're feeling caught in between.

Since the relationship with your mom is one you value and want to preserve, I'd start there. Talk to her and try to understand why this is such an important issue for her. The energy behind this may possibly stem from feelings of guilt over the divorce, or perhaps regrets from an unfulfilled relationship with her own father. Your goal here is to better understand your mom's feelings, but not to be controlled by them. As part of the conversation, you'll want to set clear boundaries and respectfully communicate that the relationship with your dad is a matter between him and you, and that you won't be discussing it unless you raise the subject.

As for what happens with your dad, the decision is yours. If you want a relationship with him, let him know that's your desire. If you haven't, he may be thinking it's all your mom's idea. Move slowly. Start by writing him a letter, or communicating on Skype or Facebook. And work on getting to know each other first, before airing your grievances or sharing deep emotions.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

Q: Do you have any recommendations for celebrating Valentine's Day? I'd like my daughter to be able to enjoy the experience, but I don't want to reinforce our culture's misguided ideas about romance.

Jim: You're wise to recognize that Valentine's Day has the potential to promote the wrong ideas about love. But there's no reason why you can't get beyond the glitter of cards, flowers and boxes of candy to help your child understand love's real meaning. Here are some suggestions of things you might do to encourage a proper perspective on the subject.

-- List the characteristics that distinguish true love from infatuation. Place the lists side by side and have your child decide which set of qualities she wants in her life.

-- Talk about the signs or evidence of true love: How do you know when two people really love one another? Have your child provide specific examples from relationships she respects. Discuss her reasons for feeling this way.

-- Take a critical look at television, movies, music and even greeting cards with your child, and help her discern the messages they communicate. Are they promoting infatuation or real love? Shallow feelings or genuine intimacy? Mere physical chemistry or a deep, selfless commitment to relationship? You'd be surprised what a valuable exercise this might turn out to be.

All things considered, this holiday can be a great time to help kids -- teens in particular -- consider the larger issues of love and the importance of choosing a spouse wisely. Emotions and chemistry aren't necessarily wrong -- after all, who wants a passionless marriage without any spark? But if romance is only an emotional "buzz," it's not love at all. Flowers, cards and chocolates can be wonderful expressions of affection, but it's important that kids learn to keep these things in their proper place.

Q: Is it a good idea for married couples to take separate vacations? My husband was invited to take an out-of-state trip with a friend of his. I've always thought that those times should be spent exclusively with each other.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: There are actually two different questions you and your husband need to answer. The first is: Does your husband want to go, and if so, why would this be a bad thing for your relationship? The uncertainty you've expressed isn't uncommon, especially for newlyweds who often feel they've found total fulfillment in each other. But this attitude is neither healthy nor realistic. No matter how much they have in common or enjoy one another, couples need the input of and interaction with others if they are to grow together and as individuals.

The second question spouses who are considering a separate vacation should ask is: "Why do I want to go?" There are actually lots of great reasons. In your husband's case, it could be to develop a deeper, encouraging and enriching relationship with his friend. In others, one spouse may have a strong desire to travel somewhere that the other has no interest. Or it could be an opportunity to connect and bond with a child -- such as prior to the onset of adolescence.

That said, separate vacations should be an "addition," not a substitute, for time away with just the two of you. If there are tensions and difficulties in your marriage, and the desire for a vacation is merely to escape from having to deal with these issues, the time away will only lead to a greater sense of loneliness and exacerbate the problems in your relationship. Otherwise, a long weekend away with the girls, or camping with the guys is a good way to rejuvenate, grow and strengthen a healthy marriage.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.