Q: Just as we were looking forward to the freedom of an "empty nest," our adult daughter decided that she needs to come back and "get her life together" before "moving on to the next step." But we don't know exactly what this means, and we have no idea how long she's planning to stay. Do you have any advice?

Jim: There isn't necessarily anything "wrong" or "abnormal" about accepting a previously launched child back into your home. And you're certainly not alone. Census figures indicate that millions of so-called "empty nesters" now find themselves with at least one grown child living at home -- experts call it the "boomerang generation." Some come back hoping to save money for school. Others return so they can take time to search for the perfect job. Still others may have personal problems; they need a refuge.

Take comfort in the thought that it's only a temporary situation -- and be thankful that your daughter likes you enough to want to come back. She obviously thinks of home as a safe, accepting place to land while she regroups, and that's a positive thing. There are several practical measures you can implement to minimize conflict and maximize the opportunity to strengthen family bonds while she's with you.

Start by clarifying your standards. Do this as early as possible to prevent misunderstandings and friction later on. You might even want to spell them out in a brief "contract" for her to sign. Make sure that the contract specifies consequences for infractions.

At the same time, don't forget that these rules should be different than the ones you put in place when your child was a minor. For example, curfews aren't appropriate for an adult. As long as your grown child acts responsibly (holding a job, contributing financially or helping with meals and household chores), she deserves the same liberty to come and go as any adult. Respect her personal boundaries and preferences.

Don't be afraid to ask frank and straightforward questions during the course of this conversation. How long does your daughter envision staying with you? What would you both consider reasonable rent? If rent is not an issue, exactly how will she contribute to the cost of food and household expenses? What chores will she be expected to carry out?

You didn't mention any specific problems or concerns, but common sense suggests that you shouldn't enable a grown child who's merely looking to avoid adult responsibilities. Naturally, if your daughter is dealing with more serious issues -- for example, addictions or mental and emotional illness -- then you'll probably need to seek intervention or enlist professional help. But if she just seems a little too comfortable at home, it might be a good idea to set a move-out deadline (and stick to it). Knowing the clock is ticking at the "Mom and Pop Hotel" may be precisely the motivation she needs to get serious about "moving on to the next step."

Finally, keep a few things in mind as you interact with your daughter:

-- Trust her to make wise choices, even when she doesn't. After all, she is an adult now.

-- Squelch the impulse to give advice unless it's asked for.

-- Remember that communication is key. Set a regular time to discuss issues, clarify expectations or simply clear the air.

-- Three or more adults living in one house is a challenge, whether you're related or not. So give one another some space and grace!

If you need further help sorting out this or other relational issues, call Focus on the Family's Counseling Department at 800-A-FAMILY (232-6459).

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: Every time I turn around, there's another example in the news or on social media about people fighting over issues of race, politics, religion, moral beliefs, etc. I'm beginning to lose hope that there can ever be peace in our land. What are your thoughts?

Jim: It's clear that America is deeply divided, on many fronts. But a lot of that conflict is driven by an idea that's fundamentally untrue: the perception that disagreeing with someone means you disrespect them as a person -- or even hate them. It doesn't have to be that way.

Beliefs can be polarizing. But differing perspectives don't have to cause us to lose our sense of dignity for one another. That means we can vigorously defend what we believe, but we can do it with civility and respect.

The key is grasping and applying a core value that's guided our nation for over two centuries: a person's value is the result of qualities beyond what we see at first glance. This is why my Christian faith emphasizes the profound worth of every human being. People don't deserve dignity because they're the right height, shape, color, political persuasion or any other label. All human beings have immeasurable worth simply because it's endowed them by their Creator.

Our conversations about societal issues have to start -- and continue -- in that context. And it works. Some of the people I consider to be my friends are activists who fight for ideas that directly oppose my deeply held beliefs. We disagree over almost every political and social issue. But we've still been able to build genuine friendships, because we show one another respect even though we hold radically differing opinions. None of us believes our opposing views have to turn into animosity or hatred toward one another. That civility allows us to find common ground.

Q: Our 14-year-old daughter was invited to an overnight video marathon at a friend's house. The plan was to binge-watch a series of horror films that we wouldn't ordinarily view in our household. We chose to not let our daughter attend. But when I spoke with the friend's mom, her reply was "Whatever -- it's only a movie." Do you think we were too restrictive?

Bob Waliszewski, Director, Plugged In: I'll admit I'm not a fan of the horror film genre or its recent spin-off commonly called torture porn. Because of that, it would be easy for me to quickly answer your question with a "you did the right thing -- case closed." But the question is best answered in a bigger context of what constitutes acceptable and unacceptable films. I like to boil down the "in-bounds vs. out-of-bounds" dilemma to a few simple questions to always ask (and train your daughter to always ask).

The first is this: Will watching this film (or watching this TV show, listening to this song, playing this video game) make me a better person? Will it encourage me to be more honest, compassionate, generous and noble? Will it challenge me to care about others more, make a greater difference in this world, and better respond to life's trials?

If the answer to the above questions is yes, there's still another factor to consider. Even if the film is inspiring, encouraging and uplifting overall, does it contain some content that would be counterproductive to my overall mental/spiritual health?

I say all this because it's arguable that a few "horror" movies might fit the bill. But again, the place to start is not just films of this type, but to put all movies -- no matter the genre -- to the tests above. PluggedIn.com provides detailed content reviews to help you with this process.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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Q: My teenage son keeps telling me that I don't "respect" him as I should. I'll admit that we often butt heads, but I honestly don't believe that I've ever done anything to denigrate him as a person. What does it mean for a parent to "respect" a child? I can't just let him have his own way all the time, can I?

Jim: I understand. We have two teenagers in my house. Many teens make the mistake of equating respect with permission. They say, "If you respect me, you'll let me." But respect and permission are two very different things. You're the parent, and your child needs to respect your authority and abide by your rules as long as he remains under your roof.

Respect is best defined as the act of giving a person the particular attention or special regard he deserves. It's demonstrating that you consider him worthy of high esteem -- even when he's not reflecting it back to you. That can be hard. But here are some helpful hints:

-- Listen completely before drawing conclusions or making decisions. Take as much time as this requires. Note: "Listening" doesn't mean "agreeing."

-- Trust is earned. Give your son as much freedom as he has shown he can handle. No more, no less. This can be a tough balancing act.

-- Be consistent in your words, deeds, decisions, rules and choices. It's hard for a teen to respect anyone who is inconsistent or hypocritical.

-- Establish rules that are logical, fair, reasonable and truthful. Resist the temptation to make rules for your own convenience, or to satisfy a need for control.

-- Admit when he's right and you're wrong. Honesty is the backbone of mutual respect.

-- Never belittle or intentionally embarrass him -- publicly or privately. No name-calling, even if you're angry. Careless words hurt.

-- Distinguish between behavior and character. It's one thing to point out wrong actions, but be careful not to attack your child's character in the process.

By doing these things consistently, you'll show him respect -- even though you won't always "give in" to his requests. This balance of justice, guidance and respect will be a valuable example of how he should extend respect to you (and others) even when you don't see eye to eye.

Q: My husband and I are trying to do regular date nights, but it seems like we always end up talking (even arguing) about problems at home instead of having fun and enjoying each other's company. How can we keep our dates on track?

Greg Smalley, Vice President, Family Ministries: Many of us struggle with this, including my wife and me. It can be hard to carve out time for a date. So, once we're together, issues that are top of mind tend to come up. Before you know it, what could have been an evening of fun and connection becomes an argument. By the end of the date, instead of emotionally connecting, husband and wife have drifted apart.

It's important to avoid the temptation to "administrate" your marriage, rather than to enjoy one another's company. Every marriage has real issues that need to be addressed from time to time. Maybe it's discipline problems with kids, financial challenges or communication struggles. There's a time and place to confront those challenges, but not on date nights. Keep your dates fun, exciting and conflict-free.

The best way to do this is proactively plan your date night activities. Have specific things in mind to do, and keep to the script. You might even think back "pre-marriage" to when you were first dating, and revisit some of your favorite conversations and memories. For more ideas and resources, see focusonthefamily.com/marriage/dating-your-spouse.

Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at www.jimdalyblog.com or at www.facebook.com/DalyFocus.

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