A Kansas man is being hailed as a hero across India, but many Americans haven’t heard as much about him -- certainly not from our country’s leaders.

I’ve made it a point to tell my children about Ian Grillot.

Grillot, who is 24 years old, had planned to watch a University of Kansas basketball game last week with friends in an Olathe, Kansas bar when he heard a gunman start shooting. He dove under a table and waited until he thought 51-year-old Adam Purinton had emptied his magazine. Then he chased Purinton down and tried to stop him.

Purinton opened fire on him.

Grillot was shot through the hand and in the chest. The gunman had also shot two Indian men, killing Srinivas Kuchibhotla and injuring Alok Madasani, both engineers working for Garmin. Purinton reportedly told the two men, who he thought were Iranian, to “get out of my country” before opening fire.

The FBI is investigating the shooting as a possible hate crime.

India’s External Affairs Minister Sushma Swaraj tweeted on Monday, “India salutes the heroism of Ian Grillot!” Meanwhile, White House press secretary Sean Spicer has said it is “absurd” to link the shooting to Trump’s rhetoric on immigration, which includes a travel ban on seven countries, including Iran.

That rhetoric might have been a factor, or it might not -- until further information comes out, it’s impossible to say, although the shooter’s reported use of racial slurs demonstrates an animosity toward nonwhites. Either way, a government’s statements matter, and its actions matter even more. It’s our government’s responsibility to protect all its citizens.

In less than two weeks, two Jewish cemeteries have been vandalized, two Indian men shot and a mosque burned in Florida.

After weeks of criticism of being slow to comment on the rising number of anti-Semitic threats, President Donald Trump said in his address to Congress, “Recent threats targeting Jewish Community Centers and vandalism of Jewish cemeteries, as well as last week’s shooting in Kansas City, remind us that while we may be a nation divided on policies, we are a country that stands united in condemning hate and evil in all of its very ugly forms.”

When our leaders speak out against a rising tide of bigotry, our children hear those messages on their social media feeds and it reaffirms our collective values. It helps heal the wounds of a community to hear its fears and pain acknowledged. It’s also a chance to highlight the best among us. There are extraordinary heroes like Ian Grillot, along with communities of all faiths coming out to repair Jewish cemeteries and ordinary citizens scrubbing away swastikas drawn on public places.

The evil ideologies of the KKK and neo-Nazis and those influenced by them will not go unchallenged. Muslims have raised money to repair Jewish cemeteries, and Jews have donated to rebuild the burned mosque. Given how frequently Trump has tweeted on topics that have moved him, such as “Saturday Night Live” and Nordstrom, it would be great to see him similarly moved by Americans taking care of one another.

Telling these stories sends a message to those who want to divide us: You can’t. In fact, we’ve united even stronger.

We need heroes like Ian Grillot. We need smaller acts of bravery, like standing up for a classmate or co-worker, just as much. I don’t know if I would ever have the courage to take a bullet for a stranger being attacked. But it doesn’t take much effort for me to share a story with my children or friends, click a button to donate to a cause or reach out to those who may be personally affected by a possible hate crime.

When I heard about the gravestones desecrated in a St. Louis-area Jewish cemetery, I wanted my children to know that we would donate to help repair them. We gave through LaunchGood, the same Muslim organization that had also raised funds for African-American churches targeted by arsonists in the South.

Our actions speak loudest, which is why our elected officials should be targeting all domestic threats, including violent white supremacists.

When someone attacks our principles of equality and freedom for all, they’ve attacked every single one of us. If we truly care about American values, we don’t just speak up when when our ethnic group, our religion or our friends get attacked.

If your sympathy or outrage is reserved only for crimes targeting your own community, that doesn’t make you a patriot.

That makes you a hypocrite.

Martin Prado’s after-school activities revolve around his grandma’s schedule.

The high school senior often stops by a neighborhood restaurant to pick up rice and beans for her dinner. He’ll blend it before he spoon-feeds her, so she doesn’t choke. He had been promoted to salad maker at the Texas Roadhouse where he used to work 20 hours a week, but recently quit to spend more time taking care of his grandma.

Martin’s grandmother, Sonia Cardona, 61, was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s nearly six years ago. Cardona, who worked as a teacher’s aide for 29 years, completely lost her speech about a year ago, and is now unable to feed, clothe or use the restroom herself. Martin’s aunt Daisy Duarte, Cardona’s daughter, had been taking care of her mom alone, full-time, since the illness began robbing Cardona of her memories and cognitive function.

Martin, 17, spent part of his summer vacation helping his aunt care for his grandma. They live a few miles from his parents’ house in Springfield, Missouri. Duarte, 41, was able to work more hours with her nephew’s help at home. When he started his senior year at Kickapoo High School, he kept thinking about their situation.

He knew his aunt couldn’t keep taking care of Cardona alone.

“I’m doing nothing but going home and playing video games after school,” he said. “I could be doing something better with my time.”

He told his parents he wanted to move in with his aunt and grandma to help them out. They agreed. He texted Duarte the news.

She was grateful for the help, and Martin moved in last fall.

“There are days I just can’t do it,” she said, about balancing work and being a full-time caregiver. “He’s 17. And he stepped up to the plate.”

As soon as he gets home, he helps his grandmother to the restroom. Then, he helps her to the couch and watches “Dr. Phil” with her. A little later, he will prepare her dinner and spoon-feed her. They’ll watch a few more television shows before he gets her ready for bed. He will take her to the restroom again and then help her into bed. He’s learned to watch for signs of seizures and knows which medicines to give.

Duarte’s life completely changed with her mother’s diagnosis. She used to own a sports bar, which she gave up to take care of her mom. She watched her mother’s rapid decline with an added sense of dread: Duarte was genetically tested and discovered she has the same mutation, ensuring she will also develop the disease. She’s become an outspoken advocate for Alzheimer’s research and funding and has done around a hundred interviews.

“I don’t want pity,” she says. “I want a cure.”

About 5.4 million Americans have Alzheimer’s, and that number is expected to nearly triple by 2050. It’s the sixth-leading cause of death in the U.S. and the leading cause of dementia in the elderly. Yet the last new medication approved for the disease was about 15 years ago.

Toward her desire for better treatments, Duarte joined a clinical trial two and a half years ago at the Washington University School of Medicine. She uses her vacation days to drive to St. Louis for periodic brain imaging scans, cognitive tests and an annual spinal tap. The study is part of the Dominantly Inherited Alzheimer Network, an international research partnership of leading scientists to understand a rare form of Alzheimer’s disease caused by a gene mutation. Researchers hope that understanding this form of the disease may provide clues to decoding other dementias and developing dementia treatments.

While Duarte knows she is genetically wired to face the same fate as her mother, doctors cannot say exactly when the disease will strike her. She hopes that advances in medicines may give her extra time.

“I’m going down fighting,” she said.

Martin is thinking about his future, too.

He has a 3.5 grade point average and plans to attend community college for a couple of years. Eventually, he wants to earn a degree in hospitality management. His dream is to open a Puerto Rican restaurant. He’s picked out a name already -- “Abuelita’s.”

It means “grandmother” in Spanish.

A couple doesn’t get married in a vacuum.

They marry into a set of pre-existing relationships -- family and friends -- some intertwined, others separate. All these threads commingle with a couple, some pulling them closer together, while others threaten to tear them apart.

I thought about all this when I was asked to be a part of a friend’s wedding in a unique way. My friend said that she and her fiance wanted to incorporate “community vows” into their wedding festivities. At a party after the ceremony, a few selected guests would say how they believed loved ones could support or care for the couple. Another guest would then ask the whole room if they agreed to do those things, and everyone would respond, “We do.”

Their request prompted me to ask a wide cross section of people, from those who have been married for decades to those who have been divorced multiple times, about what community support for a marriage looks like. It also made me think about what people have done to support my marriage.

Here are ten ways to support a married couple:

1. Don’t take sides in a dispute. Even when complaining about their spouses, people are rarely asking for marriage advice. They often just want to vent when they are upset. It’s best to listen with empathy. Reassure them that certain disagreements and fights are normal, and be willing to share some of your own experiences as a couple and how you got past them. Don’t make it a session about how terrible marriage or spouses are.

2. Be positive about their partner. It’s not helpful to say negative things about a person’s partner, even if you don’t particularly like them. Pointing out a spouse’s positives can encourage understanding and gratitude, rather than playing into relationship drama. Couples tend to commiserate about their respective partners’ flaws (even in front of each other), and chiming in can make people focus on those flaws more.

Refrain from saying anything negative about the person’s partner unless you sense actual abuse. Emily Filmore, a relationship and spirituality writer, says, “We all have things we accept that others cannot. It doesn’t mean it’s wrong. We all have things we admire or dislike in others. Married or not.”

3. Foster real-life connections. Include the couple in your gatherings with other couples or families with kids the same age. Invite them over with other people you think would get along with each other. For close family members, invite them to dinner at least once a month to keep them rooted in family activities, but also give them the space to grow as a couple.

4. Nurture individual friendships. Help them grow together while not losing their sense of self. Marriage can lead to isolation from friends. It can be easy to let things you love doing with friends fall to the wayside, especially if your partner doesn’t share the same interests. A recently divorced friend said that she and her husband started to resent each other because they only did things with each other, neglecting their other friendships. So continue to reach out to the person individually, outside of just couples’ socializing.

5. Offer to watch their kids for an afternoon or evening. You can’t underestimate the impact a baby has on a marriage. Offering to help out with children so that couples can reconnect is a tremendous gift.

6. Find something nice to say about their kids. If you witness someone’s child in an act of kindness, let the parents know. It’s an indirect way of complimenting their parenting and a reminder of something good they’ve done together.

7. Accept that their choices can be different than yours, especially regarding forgiveness. Just because you wouldn’t have forgiven some act, doesn’t mean your friend can’t, either. All relationships are different, and what every couple needs varies. Don’t judge a couple’s relationship on what others are doing. You might not agree with how a couple lives their lives, but if they are happy and it’s working for them, give them the space to do what works.

8. Encourage professional help when needed. Those who love the new couple should not be afraid to encourage them to seek outside help, including counseling, if needed, to help get back on track. Offer any referrals, if asked. This can be especially important if you suspect the person isn’t comfortable being entirely honest with you or that they may be in an abusive situation.

9. Celebrate their successes. Take joy in their joy. Even if you can’t be physically present at a special event, you can call or send a card. These small acts of kindness reinforce that they have a team rooting for them.

10. Be available in moments of crisis and need. Life is marked with tragedies, large and small. People get sick, lose jobs or die unexpectedly. These moments can strain a marriage. Don’t abandon a couple going through a major life stressor. Continue to reach out, invite them over and offer specific, concrete ways to help in their moments of need.