DEAR ABBY: My cousin recently married a lovely girl, someone he'd been dating for a couple of years. Our whole family loves her, and she's always been very sweet to us.

She's very intelligent and kind, but the issue is her wardrobe. She's pretty but refuses to wear nice clothes. Instead she wears baggy, boring clothes. Our family is fashion-conscious, and I know my cousin has suggested to her several times that she buy new clothing -- to no avail. He thinks she's self-conscious about her body.

Her birthday is coming up, and my sister and I would like to take her shopping as a birthday gift to buy her some nicer clothes. My cousin thinks she might not appreciate it, but he agrees that she needs new clothes. He also suggested buying her a gift card to somewhere, although that wouldn't solve the problem of which clothes she buys with it. Do you think that taking her clothes shopping for her birthday would be appropriate? -- FASHIONISTA IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR FASHIONISTA: I think it is a nice idea, as long as you do not frame it the way you have to me. A better way to make the offer might be to invite her for a lovely birthday lunch and some "retail therapy." If you then decide to peek into a couple of clothing stores, she might be willing. And if you find something appropriate and offer to treat her as a birthday gift, she might accept. Keep it light, do not pressure her, but compliment her when she tries on things that flatter her.

DEAR ABBY: My family is surrounded by neighbors who are all friendly. We have cookouts together regularly. Everyone contributes to the budget and food preparation except one neighbor. He's a single dad of 12-year-old twins, and they show up to every BBQ without bringing a dish or their own drinks, yet they all eat heartily. We have run out of food for the intended participants (who paid for the food) because of them. What's the best way to handle this situation without making an enemy of a neighbor? -- FED UP WITH FREELOADING

DEAR FED UP: Your neighbor may not be clear about the rules. It shouldn't earn you an enemy for life if you point out to this single dad of twins (with growing appetites) that these get-togethers are potluck, which means everyone is expected to contribute to the cost of the food as well as bring a side dish so the food won't run out. Tell him what to bring. They should also help with the setup and cleanup. If he's uncooperative after that, he's a moocher and you all will be well rid of him if he takes offense.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 12 years and I have an ongoing disagreement about the language he uses when he texts women friends. He opens his text with "Hi, Beautiful" or, "Good Morning, Gorgeous." I consider this to be flirting, but he regards it as harmless even though he knows it hurts my feelings because he doesn't text that way to me.

I trust him and don't feel there's anything going on with any of these women, but I think he's playing with fire. The wrong woman may interpret it differently, and that's how affairs start. Do you think I am overreacting? -- MISUNDERSTOOD IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: Yes. Your problem with your husband isn't that he's calling other women beautiful and gorgeous. It's that he ISN'T complimenting you, and I think you should point that out to him. Shame on him!

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my mid-70s, and I'm beginning to understand why some old people are annoying cranks. It has something to do with the nearly constant physical, emotional and spiritual pain. (And if you're not sleeping well as a result, that only makes things worse.)

My body is breaking down, and something hurts all the time. My wife died some years ago, other loved ones are gone as well, and my grief is an unending process. I know my remaining time here is limited, and I'm not sure I want to depart the only life I've known for an uncertain future.

I have started alienating friends and others by the things I say, and I didn't used to be this way. There's no excuse for this, of course, but what I'm saying is, there are reasons. And yet, some people age gracefully. My question is, how do they do it? -- ALAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR ALAN: It is extremely important that you speak to your doctor about everything you are experiencing. Your unending grief might be lessened if you discuss it with a licensed mental health provider.

It's true that not everyone ages physically at the same rate. Some individuals start preparing in their 40s and 50s for the later stages of life by eating healthier and exercising. The saying "use it or lose it" has a lot of truth to it. Muscles that don't move tend to freeze up and cause pain.

Volunteering is a wonderful way to stay busy, active and focus on others, and volunteers are needed in every community. Please consider what I have written, and let me know how you are doing in six months. I care.

DEAR ABBY: I met and married my husband 20 years ago. Twelve years ago, we had a child. Since then, I have felt like a single parent.

I think things were always this way, but I didn't notice as much until we had a child. My husband has a good heart, and I know he loves us, but he rarely spends time with us. He works long hours in retail and chooses to spend his off hours with others and without us. He loves people and is quite a social butterfly.

He can go days without speaking to us, and is content most nights with kissing our daughter goodnight after she has already gone to sleep. He makes plans and decisions on his own -- without me -- including about money matters.

Am I overreacting when I complain? I'm contemplating a divorce because I need more than a part-timer for a mate. -- LONELY MARRIED MOM

DEAR MOM: Overreacting? Frankly, I am surprised that it has taken you this long to write to me. The person you married appears to be totally detached and more of a roommate than a husband. That he goes for days without speaking to you and your child is emotional cruelty.

Spouses are supposed to socialize together -- at least most of the time -- and make financial decisions together. The only positive you've mentioned is that he's the family's bread-winner.

That you are contemplating divorce isn't surprising. Your husband left you behind emotionally more than a decade ago. Consult an attorney and familiarize yourself with as much financial information as possible before making any announcements.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble with a friend, "Julie." We have been close friends for about five years. Julie is 29, still a virgin and lives at home. I never thought much about her living at home but, as the years go by, her living arrangements have become more front and center.

I'm in a meaningful relationship and recently bought my first home (on my own). Julie shows no interest in dating or moving out of her parents' home. She says living at home is a "cultural" thing, and most people within her culture move out when they get married. At the rate she is "dating," she will never move out.

Her constant complaints about her job, money and wanting a place of her own are getting annoying. She says moving out would be "tedious" because she would then have to budget her money and wouldn't be able to spend freely. She doesn't cook, clean or do anything to help out around the house. Her stay-at-home mother does everything.

I like Julie. She's a sweet, fun and attractive girl. I know she can live her life as she pleases (and for as long as her parents allow her to live there), but I'm getting tired of seeing her miss out on fun and challenging life chapters. I don't know how to respond when she makes pathetic excuses about why she doesn't travel more, move out, date, etc. I find myself wanting to avoid her lately.

How should I respond when she complains about things she has the power to change? I know I could tell it to her "like it is," but I also know it would end our friendship. Is there a better mindset I could have about someone like her? -- ANNOYED IN TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED: You cannot change another person. When Julie complains about things she has the power to change, your response should be that she can change them if she puts her mind to it. Understand that you can't live Julie's life for her, so appreciate her for the good qualities in her that you admire.

As to your mindset, recognize that your life is changing. As yours progresses because of circumstances -- marriage, children, etc. -- you and Julie may have less in common and grow apart. That's life.

DEAR ABBY: For months I have been trying to convince my family (I am under 18) to allow me to go onto the pill. No matter how I explain it to them, they always find a way to refuse or put it off. Doctors and therapists have also talked to them, but they refuse to budge. I have started becoming sexually active, and the pill would decrease the stress of becoming pregnant. What should I do? -- STRESSED TEEN

DEAR TEEN: Because you didn't mention in your letter your age or whether you have a steady boyfriend, your parents may be worried that giving their permission will signal approval of your sexual activity. However, in most states teens are allowed to get birth control at their nearest Planned Parenthood Health Center or from their doctor without parental permission. Because you are concerned about being safe, go online, do some research and find out for yourself. But keep in mind that the pill will not protect you from getting an STD.